NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

We went to a wedding last night for one of my best friends and I was in the BP. My FI can't dress and I kept telling him it was Black tie optional. I work from 8 to at least 7 everyday and I am even working on weekends and I also have wedding planning to do. He would not go and buy anything, so i had to buy him new shoes ($100) new shirt ($80) and new tie ($60). I laid everything out for him. He also insists on puttng this nasty gel in his hair and I told him I didn't want him to (it makes you see his scalp when he gels his hair). We were seeing a lot of people I hadn't seen in years and I want to walk in with my wonderful FI. (which he usually is). Well, the whole night, he kept leaving my side and I couldn't find him. Slow song after slow song I couldn't find him. He was outside most of the night and he got really wasted and even smoked a cigarette.. which I CAN'T Stand. Plus, i wanted to snuggle with him and he reaked and he knows i hate the smell of smoke and that I think it is just a nasty thing to do. I am soo mad that for ONE NIGHT he couldn't present himself like someone I am proud of. It was like I took him to a high school reunion and he totally embarrassed me. I am 28 and he is 31. I am a lawyer and I wanted to have someone next to me that I could be proud of and I just saw a side of him last night that I had never seen. He was truly so selfish. We are getting married in 9 months from today and I have to say, I don't even want to look at him. We slept in separate bedrooms last night and I am so disgusted that for one night he couldn't be a perfect date, like I always am to him. Ok needed to vent, anyone that reads this... thank you for listening.

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

for you!

I know how you feel! The only thing you can do it chalk it up to men....

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

sometimes we need to vent!

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

i would chalk it up to men being boys sometimes... and just be thankful that you have someone who loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you.... things could be a lot worse.....

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

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Posted by jenny26

sometimes we need to vent!

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yep

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

i know you are just venting but honestly- if that is who he is, then you wont be able to change him

and you shouldnt treat a 31 yr old man like a child.....it will just make him rebel even more

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

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Posted by JPC1125

i know you are just venting but honestly- if that is who he is, then you wont be able to change him

and you shouldnt treat a 31 yr old man like a child.....it will just make him rebel even more

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I do not treat him like a child. I understand that in his profession, he doesn't have to dress up everyday, but it was important that for a nice occassion he look nice for me. We never go anywhere dressed up and it would be nice if JUST ONCE he tried to iimpress me. Whenever we go to weddings, I always make myself look good so that he can be proud. I would like the same respect. Furthermore, he knows my opinion about smoking and for him to disregard it at a wedding full of my friends, is just wrong. Let him be a fool with his friends.

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

I would be mad too. I totally understand. My FH has done similar things in the past..like get drunk and act like an a$$. Unfortunately men sometimes act like idiots. You should really tell him that he made you feel like crap last night and he was an embarassment to you. Don't let him get away with it. Tell him that he really pissed you off and he better think twice before he acts that way again or you will be going places solo from now on. I bet that will change him quick enough.
FM me if you wanna vent. We can exchange horror stories!

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

u 2 should talk this over

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

I used to be like this with my DH. With me it was him wearing a baseball hat. I think he looks so much better without it--you can see his face. Anyway, one day we really talked about it, and he said the more I talk about it and ask him not to, the more he resents being told not to wear it. Now he just does not wear it to stuff with my friends and family.

He may even feel like you're trying to turn him into something he isn't--that maybe you would be happier with another lawyer who would have a more dressy wardrobe and wear a suit to work every day. I would take this chance to remind him of why you like him--not for how he dresses or maybe his slightly receding or thinning hair, but for how you feel when you're with him.

He's your wonderful FI with or without gel, in a suit or in sweats.

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

I can see being upset over the cigarette and him getting wasted, BUT I don't think you have the right to be mad about his appearance. I mean, this is the man you plan to marry. You should want his personality to be what people admire about him, not the way he looks. I think it's mean that you are making fun at how his hair looked, when you have obviously seen it that way before and he obviously likes the style. I may get reamed for this, but I think you're being unfairly critical of him.

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

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Posted by nferrandi

I can see being upset over the cigarette and him getting wasted, BUT I don't think you have the right to be mad about his appearance. I mean, this is the man you plan to marry. You should want his personality to be what people admire about him, not the way he looks. I think it's mean that you are making fun at how his hair looked, when you have obviously seen it that way before and he obviously likes the style. I may get reamed for this, but I think you're being unfairly critical of him.

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I dont think I am being unfairly critical. I love him and think he is adorable. He has this cute little round face and warm brown eyes and the most amazing smile you have ever seen. I think when he makes his hair all goopy and wet looking it takes away the soft cuddle face that I love and I also think it is a little outdated a look. I know he wants gels to keep his hair still, so I hav bought all kinds of different ones that are supposted to dry and not look slick. It woudl be like if your fiance walked around with like totally 1980's type, tapered at the ankly stone wash jeans and you just tried to iintroduce him to a little more of an updated look. Regarding his clothing, it was a very fancy occassion and he should have been dressed up. his sketchers shoes would not have sufficed. Also, he has to realize this is not a frat party. This is a very fancy wedding, i am in a BM dress with my hiar and makeup done and he should look nice. Please don't think i am a bad person, I am really not, sometiimes I just wished he loved me enough to want to make me look at him and say wow you are amazing. You know, like when we go out and buy something to wear for them that is their favorite so that they can just gush over us?

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

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Posted by LisaJill

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Posted by nferrandi

I can see being upset over the cigarette and him getting wasted, BUT I don't think you have the right to be mad about his appearance. I mean, this is the man you plan to marry. You should want his personality to be what people admire about him, not the way he looks. I think it's mean that you are making fun at how his hair looked, when you have obviously seen it that way before and he obviously likes the style. I may get reamed for this, but I think you're being unfairly critical of him.

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I dont think I am being unfairly critical. I love him and think he is adorable. He has this cute little round face and warm brown eyes and the most amazing smile you have ever seen. I think when he makes his hair all goopy and wet looking it takes away the soft cuddle face that I love and I also think it is a little outdated a look. I know he wants gels to keep his hair still, so I hav bought all kinds of different ones that are supposted to dry and not look slick. It woudl be like if your fiance walked around with like totally 1980's type, tapered at the ankly stone wash jeans and you just tried to iintroduce him to a little more of an updated look. Regarding his clothing, it was a very fancy occassion and he should have been dressed up. his sketchers shoes would not have sufficed. Also, he has to realize this is not a frat party. This is a very fancy wedding, i am in a BM dress with my hiar and makeup done and he should look nice. Please don't think i am a bad person, I am really not, sometiimes I just wished he loved me enough to want to make me look at him and say wow you are amazing. You know, like when we go out and buy something to wear for them that is their favorite so that they can just gush over us?

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If I thought my didn't look good a certain way, I would come right out and tell him. For instance..I don't like when he shaves his head. He shaves it in the summer because he works outside when he gets too hot. I think it looks bad and I come right out and tell him. He is my best friend and I am his and I have no problem telling him the truth. It's not hurting his feelings..it's being honest and I would be being mean if I DIDN'T tell him it looked bad. Also..he has an ugly Tommy Hilfiger denim jacket that I think is hideous. So I told him, 'I think it's ugly and you would look much better in something that does not look like that.' He doesn't take it like I'm the biggest *****.we just don't have the kind of relationship where I would tell him 'oh baby, that looks so nice on you,' if it doesn't. I'm not going to lie and I appreciate when he tells me if something I have on does not look good.
I would be very pissed if he went to a wedding with me and dressed casually. You have a right to be upset with him in my opinion.

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

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Posted by alioop4282
I would be very pissed if he went to a wedding with me and dressed casually. You have a right to be upset with him in my opinion.

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Oh I misunderstood--I thought he did wear a suit and the tie, shirt and shoes she bought for him. If he didn't wear a suit, I agree, she has a right to be upset.

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

I can understand you wanting your FH to look his best at an event w/ all of YOUR friends......even at an event w/ all of HIS friends......He doesn't have to worry about you b/c you are obviously always 'put together' ......And I don't think you're 'treating him like a child' or being 'overly critical' of him .....Some people just need a little push, and a huge shove in the 'appropriate attire' direction. I don't think you're being shallow or unreasonable. - HE is now a reflection on YOU -
However, in his defense, he may have been REALLY uncomfortable at a very fancy wedding, of all of your friends. - Especially if he's not the type to normally get dressed up, and if he didn't know anyone.........You know ??

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

I don't think you were wrong at all. I can relate. they just get that way sometimes. what are you going to do?

I do agree, though that the more you tell him, the less he's going to want to do something. I have the same problem with mine.

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

Men

Re: NWR: I am soo mad at my FI and I need to vent!

I think the bottom line is that most men don't look at things like this the way us women do.

Men just want to 'be'.

the smoking & getting drunk would annoy me, but even more so the fact that he wasn't around the whole night.