VENT!! FMIL and FSIL's thoughts on my 'planning'

So my FMIL was on the phone with my Mom today and told her that I want 'everything to be perfect' and that I am stressing over all the small things...and she and FSIL think that FH and I have been engaged 'way too long' (1 year 2 months by the time we get married)...

Um, YEAH! There is SO much $$$ going into this wedding, and the FILs are paying for most of it (they have the most guests), so I would think they would want it to be perfect too! I just don't get people...yeah, it's my wedding...why wouldn't I want it to be perfect?

UGH!

Sorry...just had to get that out. I feel better now

Re: VENT!! FMIL and FSIL's thoughts on my 'planning'

I want my wedding to be perfect too. If I state any type of opinion that differs from any other person I am dubbed a 'bridezilla'. I havent made demands of anyone but myself and a few from FH but it is only because they are responsibilities - asking him to buy a ring isnt exactly what I think a bridezilla does - it is NORMAL. Nothing I have requested from anyone is unreasonable - in fact, it is only to make everyone else happy (i.e. telling the BP they would probably appreciate wearing silver shoes than to dye a pair navy b/c they can ALWAYS wear silver shoes more than once)

As far as you being engaged too long - thats a bunch of hoo-ey. You haven't. My engagement is less than a year. I see more often than not that engagements are over a year so personally, I think you are right on target. I think your FILs are only being that way because they have little if any say. My FILs arent paying either but I am sure they have plenty of opinions. I know they found it hard to believe that we put everything together so quickly - um I am 35, I have had this wedding planned in my head since I was able to know what a bride and a groom WAS!

Ignore everyone - thats the only way you can hold on to your sanity.

Re: VENT!! FMIL and FSIL's thoughts on my 'planning'

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Posted by Goldi1021

I want my wedding to be perfect too. If I state any type of opinion that differs from any other person I am dubbed a 'bridezilla'. I havent made demands of anyone but myself and a few from FH but it is only because they are responsibilities - asking him to buy a ring isnt exactly what I think a bridezilla does - it is NORMAL. Nothing I have requested from anyone is unreasonable - in fact, it is only to make everyone else happy (i.e. telling the BP they would probably appreciate wearing silver shoes than to dye a pair navy b/c they can ALWAYS wear silver shoes more than once)

As far as you being engaged too long - thats a unch of hoo-ey. You haven't. My engagement is less than a year. I see more often than not that engagements are over a year so personally, I think you are right on target. I think your FILs are only being that way because they have little if any say. My FILs arent paying either but I am sure they have plenty of opinions. I know they found it hard to believe that we put everything together so quickly - um I am 35, I have had this wedding planned in my head since I was able to know what a bride and a groom WAS!

Ignore everyone - thats the only way you can hold on to your sanity.

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Thank god someone else feels this way. I thought I was being nice by emailing FMIL about some of my ideas to get her opinions (I want her to feel 'needed'), and instead I am suddenly 'stressed' and 'worried about the small things'. Crazy. MY BM's have showed little to no interest, so yes...I need to bring the wedding up in conversation sometimes to see if they have gotten things accomplished...but somehow I still know people are rolling their eyes behind my back and calling me a bridezilla...and it's all just because I care and I have pride.

Re: VENT!! FMIL and FSIL's thoughts on my 'planning'

I stop including my fmil in the plans b/c she is opinated and ups her nose at anything that is not super expensive.
When I started to stress about money I decided to do very simple cp that would cost under $50 a table. My FMIL who is a not poor by any means and who is not putting any money into the wedding goes ' if you are going to pick ugly cp you might as well save the money and not put anything at all'. UGH! So, when we decided to go with Flower Michele and selected a beautiful cp we decided not to tell her. She is still fuming over the ugly cp that she thinks we are going to have.

Re: VENT!! FMIL and FSIL's thoughts on my 'planning'

Mine is sort of the opposite. She comments on the costs of things that are expensive. We have an expensive florist, an expensive band and an expensive photographer. I am so blessed that my family can afford this and not go into debt but I will be damned if I will allow anyone to rain on my parade or make me feel bad. My family doesn't consider it excessive or wasteful - they consider it a gift to us and is their pleasure NOT a waste as some may se it. I dont ask opinions anymore. I just tell them what is.

Re: VENT!! FMIL and FSIL's thoughts on my 'planning'

OMG!!! There are others out there who feel like me!!! I cant tell you how relieved I am. FMIL and FSIL have dubbed me the 'bridezilla' also because I am working on making the day perfect! And to be honest, FMIL would COMPLAIN had it not been perfect but now she complains that I am 'picking' too much. FSIL and FMIL have not been on the best terms in the past few months because I am asking that the girls ORDER THEIR DRESSES in February..FSIL wants to wait longer. They act like I am asking FSIL to dye her hair purple! This has caused a slight strain on my relationship with FH becuase they are making comments to him and then he tells me...which in turn, makes me even more angry.

My biggest recommendation is to 'smile and knod'....its been my moto for several months. LET THEM have their opinions and then do it YOUR WAY anyway! Who cares if they think you are a bridezilla...in the end, then will know you planned the most beautiful day EVER!!!

And as for having a long engagement...tell them to PIPE DOWN!!!! I will have been engaged for 25 months on the day of my wedding and all I can say is FIL's didnt help pay, and we needed to save the money so PLEASE keep your comments to yourself!!!

OK-this is me getting off of my soap box.

Re: VENT!! FMIL and FSIL's thoughts on my 'planning'

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Posted by Goldi1021

Mine is sort of the opposite. She comments on the costs of things that are expensive. We have an expensive florist, an expensive band and an expensive photographer. I am so blessed that my family can afford this and not go into debt but I will be damned if I will allow anyone to rain on my parade or make me feel bad. My family doesn't consider it excessive or wasteful - they consider it a gift to us and is their pleasure NOT a waste as some may se it. I dont ask opinions anymore. I just tell them what is.

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Well, I am in the same boat. FMIL thinks that we should cut down on some of the other things so that we can afford to pay for more of her guests....people that FH and I have never met!! She has commented on everything from the CPs, to the favors, to the band! I am sick of it! I just 'smile and knod'

Re: VENT!! FMIL and FSIL's thoughts on my 'planning'

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Posted by MrsStefan

OMG!!! There are others out there who feel like me!!! I cant tell you how relieved I am. FMIL and FSIL have dubbed me the 'bridezilla' also because I am working on making the day perfect! And to be honest, FMIL would COMPLAIN had it not been perfect but now she complains that I am 'picking' too much. FSIL and FMIL have not been on the best terms in the past few months because I am asking that the girls ORDER THEIR DRESSES in February..FSIL wants to wait longer. They act like I am asking FSIL to dye her hair purple! This has caused a slight strain on my relationship with FH becuase they are making comments to him and then he tells me...which in turn, makes me even more angry.

My biggest recommendation is to 'smile and knod'....its been my moto for several months. LET THEM have their opinions and then do it YOUR WAY anyway! Who cares if they think you are a bridezilla...in the end, then will know you planned the most beautiful day EVER!!!

And as for having a long engagement...tell them to PIPE DOWN!!!! I will have been engaged for 25 months on the day of my wedding and all I can say is FIL's didnt help pay, and we needed to save the money so PLEASE keep your comments to yourself!!!

OK-this is me getting off of my soap box.

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I feel the same way, but fh is an only child, but did his parents even offer?? nope!

Re: VENT!! FMIL and FSIL's thoughts on my 'planning'

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Posted by MrsStefan

OMG!!! There are others out there who feel like me!!! I cant tell you how relieved I am. FMIL and FSIL have dubbed me the 'bridezilla' also because I am working on making the day perfect! And to be honest, FMIL would COMPLAIN had it not been perfect but now she complains that I am 'picking' too much. FSIL and FMIL have not been on the best terms in the past few months because I am asking that the girls ORDER THEIR DRESSES in February..FSIL wants to wait longer. They act like I am asking FSIL to dye her hair purple! This has caused a slight strain on my relationship with FH becuase they are making comments to him and then he tells me...which in turn, makes me even more angry.

My biggest recommendation is to 'smile and knod'....its been my moto for several months. LET THEM have their opinions and then do it YOUR WAY anyway! Who cares if they think you are a bridezilla...in the end, then will know you planned the most beautiful day EVER!!!

And as for having a long engagement...tell them to PIPE DOWN!!!! I will have been engaged for 25 months on the day of my wedding and all I can say is FIL's didnt help pay, and we needed to save the money so PLEASE keep your comments to yourself!!!

OK-this is me getting off of my soap box.

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I totally agree with a few points you made. If we DIDN'T plan all the details, then everyone would wonder what happened at the wedding. But, the fact that we are being detailed never gets recognized as a positive thing.

Also, I am all about getting things out of the way early too....we got made fun of for booking vendors early! Everyone just chuckled at us...but now we are so on-track and organized, and I'm just happy that we planned things the way we wanted to. What's wrong with being organized??

Thank god for this forum....I can get all my frustrations out here, so I don't have to blow up at friends and family