Question about Guest list ettiquiette...

HELP!!!!

My FMIL is driving us crazy!! We started with a guest list of 115, and we were really happy with that, figuring we would have about 100. Our list is now over 175 an growing!!!! She has added every family member and family friend they have ever known!!!!! My FBIL is getting married one month after us and wants to have everyone under the sun as well, so now we really feel obligated to invite them too!!

To make it worse, I have a small family, so my side of the list is only about 70 people, so my mother feels like there will be no one there from our side, so she is scraping the bottom of the barrel for additional guests on our side!

My question is this....are we obligated to invite all these people?? We wanted a small wedding, and now this is turning into a 3 ring circus! How do we say this to her without hurting her feelings? She says she will pay for anything we cannot afford, but it's not about the money. Does anyone have any advice?????? Thanx!

Re: Question about Guest list ettiquiette...

I would definitely have a talk with her, even encourage your FI to speak to her and explain your feelings. If she still doesn't see the light, tell her that the hall can't accommodate that many people.

Re: Question about Guest list ettiquiette...

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Posted by MissingTheBGene

I would definitely have a talk with her, even encourage your FI to speak to her and explain your feelings. If she still doesn't see the light, tell her that the hall can't accommodate that many people.

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I agree - definitely tell her that the hall can't accomodate that many people. But I'd have FH speak to her first. Let him deal with her. If she doesn't budge, then talk to her youself.

Re: Question about Guest list ettiquiette...

you're gonna have to sit down with FMIL and create A, B, and C lists. divide the list down in importance and figure it out from there. let her know that you appreciate her offer of money, but that you really care more about the feel and size of your day.

guest list is ALWAYS a touchy subject when you have other people contributing. that's why the guest list FH and i made is only us 2 creating it...no one else! obviously this isn't possible in most families, but we lucked out in that way.

be prepared for some battles and guilt--but stay by your word if you want a small wedding! remember, no matter what kind of guilt trips you get, or fights, it's YOURS and FH's DAY..not FMIL's!

good luck!!

Re: Question about Guest list ettiquiette...

If she's willing to pay for it, let her invite them. My DH had way more guests at the wedding than I did. I was able to move some of their tables, as well as the vendor table to my side of the reception room.

for the church, we had ushers seat them evenly on both sides (with exception of DH's family members- they were seated on his side, but friends of the family were seated on my side)

Re: Question about Guest list ettiquiette...

BUMP

Re: Question about Guest list ettiquiette...

when it comes to who you invite - seriously there is no real etiquette. but i would stick to a 'cut off' so you dont offend anyone. ex- i wouldn't invite 1st cousins from one aunt or uncle but not from another.

if you feel your guest list has gone out of control - than sit with your FMIL and FI and tell her that all these people @ your wedding was not part of your vision. that you wanted a quaint wedding and now you are upset that your not going to get what you want. see if she is willing to skim her list down. she may not realize what she is doing - sometimes people get so caught up they lose sight of what is really important.

good luck.

Re: Question about Guest list ettiquiette...

I wouldn't invite people whom you haven't spoken to in more than 6 months. That to me looks like you would be looking for a gift or something. Besides this is your wedding, you do it your way, and YOU call the shots. I hate medling mothers.

Re: Question about Guest list ettiquiette...

Wow. I could have posted this...the story is exactly what I'm going thru.

Re: Question about Guest list ettiquiette...

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Posted by robynlevy

Wow. I could have posted this...the story is exactly what I'm going thru.

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What are you doing about it? I am really at a loss...she is very sensitive about this kind of stuff!!!

Re: Question about Guest list ettiquiette...

Who is paying? Did you already answer this? I'm getting tired so I might have missed it.