I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....UPDATE

I am not a frequent poster, but this board has offered up so much great advice and tips, that I want to turn to you ladies and see what you think.

I am getting married at the school where I work, and I am using the inhouse caterer. Well, I have to use the inhouse caterer is more like it. Anyway, when I first met with the Director, he said the minimum they could do the reception for was $100 a plate. This didn't include any bar services. A full bar would be an additional $18 per person, and if I wanted just beer and wine, it was $11 or $12 per person...which, I wasn't too pleased about. But, the location is my dream spot, and my parents were ok with that, so we agreed to the price of $100 per plate.

Now, this is somewhat unrelated, but is really what's making me want to breakdown and cry, but my father got laid off to part time at his job right before Christmas. I wanted to postpone the wedding when I found out, but my parents wanted it to go on as scheduled. I am dealing with huge guilt issues as far as the cost of the catering bill is concerned.
I am completely stressing out. My parents said they are paying for the catering bill, and my fiance and I are covering all other expenses.

Tonight we have a meeting with the caterer again, to discuss the menus. Now, here is my question.....is there any way I can kinda DEMAND that the bar be included in the price per plate??

I need words of wisdom, etc.
Thank you so much, in advance.

UPDATE: We met with the caterer, and although we weren't able to get the bar included, and the price is kinda set in stone, my Dad told me that he has a contact at the Brooklyn Brewery. He thinks we will be able to have the brewery come to the wedding and serve some of their microbrews! Hopefully for free, or a nominal fee. And wine can be purchased in bulk, with my caterer providing two bartenders. So, although we gotta do some extra work, I think in the end we might have something even better than I had hoped for. My FH and I lived in Williamsburg for quite some time. If we could have the Brooklyn Brewery be there, it would be so special!

Thanks for all the kind words and advice. It helped calm me down and think more rationally about the whole thing. Thank you ladies.

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....

I'm sorry that you're going through this. It's not an easy position to be in.

Are your parents OK financially? Maybe they are more savvy than you think and have been saving all along. As long as they're not going into serious debt, try not to worry. It's beautiful that you have such caring parents!

As for the caterer, I'm not sure if you could demand anything, but perhaps you could be up front with him and try to work out a plan. Change the menu around, take away some CH stations...try to bring the PP price down so that you could comfortably afford liquor. Ask if you could bring your own liquor and have them serve it. I found that when I was totally upfront about my brokeness my vendors listened and adjusted.

I wish you the best!

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....

I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your dad, that really stinks not to mention the added pressure.

Having said that, I would NOT recommend you demand anything. That will get you absolutely no where. No one likes having demands put on them and to be honest, it's not the caterer's fault your dad lost his job. So if anything I would briefly explain your situation and see if they can 'work with you' on the price. If they won't work with you on price maybe you can find out if you can supply your own liquor.

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....

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Posted by SomethingBlu
As for the caterer, I'm not sure if you could demand anything, but perhaps you could be up front with him and try to work out a plan. Change the menu around, take away some CH stations...try to bring the PP price down so that you could comfortably afford liquor. Ask if you could bring your own liquor and have them serve it. I found that when I was totally upfront about my brokeness my vendors listened and adjusted.

I wish you the best!

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I agree, be upfront about the situation. At that point, if you are willing to make sacrifices, it would be awful of the caterer to not try to help.
Maybe take away the appetizer and salad; extra desserts; fancy cuts of meat.
Maybe he could do buffet style instead?
Good luck, let us know what happens!
Still love your invitations!!

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....

Thank you ladies, you are right. I am getting myself way to emotional about this, and going in there demanding things would just be a train wreck...

I need to take a deep breath and chill out.

It's just when I think about my dad struggling to find another job, I totally lose it and break down and cry.

I am waaaaaay to hormonal or something today.

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....

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Posted by Naunie

I agree, be upfront about the situation. At that point, if you are willing to make sacrifices, it would be awful of the caterer to not try to help.
Maybe take away the appetizer and salad; extra desserts; fancy cuts of meat.
Maybe he could do buffet style instead?
Good luck, let us know what happens!
Still love your invitations!!

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Oh my goodness, thank you. You just made me smile!!

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....

Maybe you can shave down the list of invites a bit?

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....

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Posted by kimbermiller

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Posted by Naunie

I agree, be upfront about the situation. At that point, if you are willing to make sacrifices, it would be awful of the caterer to not try to help.
Maybe take away the appetizer and salad; extra desserts; fancy cuts of meat.
Maybe he could do buffet style instead?
Good luck, let us know what happens!
Still love your invitations!!

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Oh my goodness, thank you. You just made me smile!!

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I have the pic of them saved on my computer! You inspired me to DIY my invites!

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....

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Posted by Naunie

Maybe you can shave down the list of invites a bit?

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We just did that after we found out the news. We are down to about 120 invites from 140. We are really hoping that at least 20 are unable to attends.

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....

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Posted by Naunie

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Posted by kimbermiller

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Posted by Naunie

I agree, be upfront about the situation. At that point, if you are willing to make sacrifices, it would be awful of the caterer to not try to help.
Maybe take away the appetizer and salad; extra desserts; fancy cuts of meat.
Maybe he could do buffet style instead?
Good luck, let us know what happens!
Still love your invitations!!

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Oh my goodness, thank you. You just made me smile!!

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I have the pic of them saved on my computer! You inspired me to DIY my invites!

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Hehee! Awesome! I am just getting started on the envelope liners. a lot of work, but definitely a money saver, and I feel much more attached to the wedding doing things myself.

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....

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Posted by kimbermiller

Hehee! Awesome! I am just getting started on the envelope liners. a lot of work, but definitely a money saver, and I feel much more attached to the wedding doing things myself.

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Ditto!

Are there any other things that you guys are paying for yourself, that you could maybe save on? That way, maybe you could offer to pay for the $18 p/p bar tab?
I am getting all my flowers for PROBABLY under $600.
Let m eknow, I want to help- I am great at being cheap!

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....

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Posted by Naunie

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Posted by kimbermiller

Hehee! Awesome! I am just getting started on the envelope liners. a lot of work, but definitely a money saver, and I feel much more attached to the wedding doing things myself.

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Ditto!

Are there any other things that you guys are paying for yourself, that you could maybe save on? That way, maybe you could offer to pay for the $18 p/p bar tab?
I am getting all my flowers for PROBABLY under $600.
Let m eknow, I want to help- I am great at being cheap!

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haha! Cheap rocks! I am so cheap! That's why this wedding is stresssssing me out so much! I don't like parting with money. lol

Anyway, my fiance and I are paying for everything else. Rings, flowers, dj, invites, we are skipping on limos all together.

I wish FI's parents would offer to help more than they are....they are renting the outdoor tent, and of course doing the rehearsal dinner, but that's it. And they are both retired! But, that's a whole OTHER story.

But Kyle and I are trying to bank as much as we can by June, so we can help out as much with the catering bill as we can.

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....

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Posted by kimbermiller

Hehee! Awesome! I am just getting started on the envelope liners. a lot of work, but definitely a money saver, and I feel much more attached to the wedding doing things myself.

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love envelope liners, a lot of work but so worth it. I say that and I only did 1 so far!

as far as your catering/money dilemma, I feel terrible for you - I would be an emotional wreck myself. All the advice above is great, especially about being up front regarding your budget. Explain that you are quite flexible on the menu and are open to any and all suggestions they may have to help you bring down costs. I hope you end up with some give and take tonight, and are able to feel a little more relaxed! Good luck, and post more!

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....UPDATE

bumped for the update :)

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....UPDATE

glad to see you are feeling better, the brewery hook-up could be such a unique addition! Hope that works out for you guys.

Re: I want to cry! Very long winded story follows....UPDATE

thank you! it's nice to sign on the board and have such nice girls respond back all the time.

I can't wait to hear more details about your diy wedding!!!!