Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Deleted due to paranoia - if you scroll down, you 'll get the gyst of my issue, or if you are really intersetd, FM me!

Message edited 2/14/2006 4:41:34 PM.

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Tough one, huh?

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Very tough.

The easiest thing to deal with will be the photographer. If you tell her what the situation is and what you want, you can avoid the overabundance of unwanted pics.

Unasking her might make things worse since she seems so bitter. Maybe just work around her, adn have the others do the same and just fill her in after everything's been decided!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Well, thats tough. I think when you meet with your photographer, explain the situation to her. Tell her that S gets one picture with her family, and thats it. No requests for photos the day of the wedding.
I am sure your photog. has had weird family situations before and knows how to handle it.

As for the getting ready stuff- are the rest of your BM's getting ready with you? If they are, ask them to fend her off for you. If they see her coming near you, they can distract her. Have that be one of their bridesmaid duties.

Can your dad talk to her at all and lay down the "rules" for your wedding day? Does he know your concerns?

Good luck with everything

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

For one, how about talking to your photographer ahead of time. Let her know the situation with S. and how she might pester her at the wedding. I'm sure your photographer will understand.

As for getting ready. Is there any way there can be a separate room you can get ready in. Like if she's bothering you too much you can escape. Or does she HAVE to be there when you are getting ready? I don't know if this helps, but just try to ignore her. Don't let her ruin your and your FHs special day.

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

Well, thats tough. I think when you meet with your photographer, explain the situation to her. Tell her that S gets one picture with her family, and thats it. No requests for photos the day of the wedding.
I am sure your photog. has had weird family situations before and knows how to handle it.

As for the getting ready stuff- are the rest of your BM's getting ready with you? If they are, ask them to fend her off for you. If they see her coming near you, they can distract her. Have that be one of their bridesmaid duties.

Can your dad talk to her at all and lay down the "rules" for your wedding day? Does he know your concerns?

Good luck with everything

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Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

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Posted by 06NovBride

For one, how about talking to your photographer ahead of time. Let her know the situation with S. and how she might pester her at the wedding. I'm sure your photographer will understand.

As for getting ready. Is there any way there can be a separate room you can get ready in. Like if she's bothering you too much you can escape. Or does she HAVE to be there when you are getting ready? I don't know if this helps, but just try to ignore her. Don't let her ruin your and your FHs special day.

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Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

I also think the other suggestion about having the BMs keep her occupied might also work. Have someone keep her occupied and hopefully she won't bother you as much.

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

I think its quite simple....you are miserable when shes around, why would you want her for MOH. Tell her to step down so someone "supportive" and "selfless" can take the honor seriously.

Just a note: We let our family members get single portraits so that we could give it to them as gifts. They all wanted one so we felt it was the least we coudl do. Its not unusual for someone to want a family pic while they are all fancied up

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

I am so sorry that you are going through this!!! I think you need to tell her that this is your wedding, and that the photographer will be taking pictures of everyone. You can tell her that you told your photographer to take a family shot of her and her family, but it is only going to be a hand full of shots because the photographer will be very busy that night. Don't worry if she gets mad at you because this is your day and you need to enjoy it!!!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Photog issue: Tell Natasha who she is, and how annoying she is, and to take 1 pic of her with her family, maybe right after the family shots, when everyone is together already, but AFTER any other smaller group family shots, so that they have to wait long!
Getting ready issue: Have your BMs run interference.
Or you can do it my way- when people piss me off, I tell them to F off.
Good luck!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

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Posted by JPC1125

I think its quite simple....you are miserable when shes around, why would you want her for MOH. Tell her to step down so someone "supportive" and "selfless" can take the honor seriously.

Just a note: We let our family members get single portraits so that we could give it to them as gifts. They all wanted one so we felt it was the least we coudl do. Its not unusual for someone to want a family pic while they are all fancied up

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Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

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Posted by Naunie

Photog issue: Tell Natasha who she is, and how annoying she is, and to take 1 pic of her with her family, maybe right after the family shots, when everyone is together already, but AFTER any other smaller group family shots, so that they have to wait long!
Getting ready issue: Have your BMs run interference.
Or you can do it my way- when people piss me off, I tell them to F off.
Good luck!

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Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

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Posted by ali120206

Very tough.

The easiest thing to deal with will be the photographer. If you tell her what the situation is and what you want, you can avoid the overabundance of unwanted pics.

Unasking her might make things worse since she seems so bitter. Maybe just work around her, adn have the others do the same and just fill her in after everything's been decided!

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Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Sounds like you are doing everything you need to do to make it a painless experience. I certainly hope it's way better than painless.

Happy that you have folks who can run interference.

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

I say trip her so she hurts her leg and can't walk down the aisle…

No but seriously: I definitely agree that you should stress to the photographer the importantce of her not listening any her photo requests. The photographer will be smart enough to focus the attention on you. However, to keep her satisfy I would just take the pic of you and her, and a few with her, you and your dad and then another with her mom (however, you should be in all of them). It ***** that you have to kind of cater to her so she doesn’t start trouble but unfortunately ppl are F'd up that way. Then I would get dressed in another room and say that you wan tto be alone to relax and bind with your step daughter sinc eyou guys will be a complete family now. I have a relative who is an annoying brat (long story also) and I said I needed time to myself so I am getting dressed at my sisters house so she wont be there the night before to drive me crazy.

Also try to remember that there si going to be so much happening on your day and you will be so focused on your FH that you'd be surpised the little things you will ignore or not even focus on. I hope she doesn’t ruin it and good luck!!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

The thing is, I want to be understanding - I mean, my career is focused on people with disabilities and behavior issues - I am old enough and wise enough to know now where her behaviors are coming from, and she has done a lot of hurtful things to me in my life (I've know her since I was 9) and I practice Buddhism, so I try and practice patience and tolerance, but its hard...

I want to enjoy this day - its the one day in my life I'll ever have where some attention and focus is on me - I'm not trying to sound like a baby with this, but life in my family has been tough, and I've been the underdog most of my life...

this is my chance to not be looked down on and get to have a moment where I can walk down the aisle and dance with my dad... I'm 32, and I want this moment without anyone else bringing it down...


thanks ladies for your support and understanding!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

i'd let the photographer know ahead of time what she is like and talk to your other BMs and they will probably help you and try to keep her away from you if she gets to be too much at the wedding.

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

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Posted by jenntony

i'd let the photographer know ahead of time what she is like and talk to your other BMs and they will probably help you and try to keep her away from you if she gets to be too much at the wedding.

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Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Give the photographer a list of must have photos...give her her one family pic and then have the photographer deal with her.

I did sort of the same thing with my family and the DJ. They all have demands and "requests". I told them there requests must go through me b/c there will be no changes on the day of the wedding.

Otherwise, talk to your BM's (who seem kind and helpful) tell them if she starts up run interference. That is what I completely plan to do with my Future Monster in law. The BM's know keep her and her "observations and opinions" away from me on my big day! I am also going to speak to my bridal assistant and have her run some interference.

It's a shame that so many people have to cause drama b/c they are not in the spotlight. UGH!

Remember...it's your day and don't let anyone rain on your parade!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

I know all about difficult, attention-seeking, narcissistic types who couldn't consider another person's feelings if you paid them to...so with that in mind I say expect the worst and hope for the best. You can't ask her to step down without handing her a golden invitation to throw a hissy fit so you have to keep things as they are.

As everyone else has said, make it abundantly clear to your photorapher, as well as your videographer and DJ not to take orders from anyone under any circumstances aside from you and FH. In fact, add your maitre'd and bridal attendant to that list.

Keep your other BMs near you - their job as your BMs is to keep S and her drama to a minimum and as far away from you as possible. I wouldn't put any demands on her AT ALL but I'd keep her informed of minor things so that she doesn't realize you're shutting her out..because even though she won't want to do anything for you, if she thinks you're trying to avoid her she'll probably have something to say about it.

and the most important advice I can give you is DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS SITE!!!! Seriously. There have been TOO MANY brides to come on here and vent about their family and then a few months down the line someone they know comes and reads everything that was said about them and things just get messy.

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

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Posted by eroxgirl

I know all about difficult, attention-seeking, narcissistic types who couldn't consider another person's feelings if you paid them to...so with that in mind I say expect the worst and hope for the best. You can't ask her to step down without handing her a golden invitation to throw a hissy fit so you have to keep things as they are.

As everyone else has said, make it abundantly clear to your photorapher, as well as your videographer and DJ not to take orders from anyone under any circumstances aside from you and FH. In fact, add your maitre'd and bridal attendant to that list.

Keep your other BMs near you - their job as your BMs is to keep S and her drama to a minimum and as far away from you as possible. I wouldn't put any demands on her AT ALL but I'd keep her informed of minor things so that she doesn't realize you're shutting her out..because even though she won't want to do anything for you, if she thinks you're trying to avoid her she'll probably have something to say about it.

and the most important advice I can give you is DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS SITE!!!! Seriously. There have been TOO MANY brides to come on here and vent about their family and then a few months down the line someone they know comes and reads everything that was said about them and things just get messy.

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Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

so sorry you're having to deal with this.

i know it's drastic...but to me, i don't think it's too late to not have her as a MOH. i mean, the point of a MOH is that they are the person who you truly want to stand up there for you and is a person you love, confide in, and respect. not someone who you are just despising right now, who will try and take the attention off of you.

it may sound bridezilla-ish, but i know myself. if a member of my BP was trying to steal my and FH's thunder--i'd nip that in the bud beforehand.

whatever you do--good luck!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Would your like 2 borrow my MOH? Referring to the post of the email she sent me ...

"I love you and this wedding is going to be beautiful, special, unforgettable - even if I have to inject drugs into a few people to sedate them at the door or even beforehand "

If thats not a solution I dont know what is ... its not a healthy solution tho. Damn I bet you were looking for something that would be legal ... Hmmm back to square one

On a serious note: I am very sorry that you have to deal with this. Its a shame that family members can cause so much pain. Regardless if she has an illness it still doesnt make it any easier. The same with my mom, although I know some of her reactions are due to her chemical balance it still hurts me every time. Best of luck! I know your day will be amazing and I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

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Posted by ZuzusPetals

Would your like 2 borrow my MOH? Referring to the post of the email she sent me ...

"I love you and this wedding is going to be beautiful, special, unforgettable - even if I have to inject drugs into a few people to sedate them at the door or even beforehand "

If thats not a solution I dont know what is ... its not a healthy solution tho. Damn I bet you were looking for something that would be legal ... Hmmm back to square one

On a serious note: I am very sorry that you have to deal with this. Its a shame that family members can cause so much pain. Regardless if she has an illness it still doesnt make it any easier. The same with my mom, although I know some of her reactions are due to her chemical balance it still hurts me every time. Best of luck! I know your day will be amazing and I wish you all the happiness in the world.

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