Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Deleted due to paranoia - if you scroll down, you 'll get the gyst of my issue, or if you are really intersetd, FM me!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Tough one, huh?

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Very tough.

The easiest thing to deal with will be the photographer. If you tell her what the situation is and what you want, you can avoid the overabundance of unwanted pics.

Unasking her might make things worse since she seems so bitter. Maybe just work around her, adn have the others do the same and just fill her in after everything's been decided!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Well, thats tough. I think when you meet with your photographer, explain the situation to her. Tell her that S gets one picture with her family, and thats it. No requests for photos the day of the wedding.
I am sure your photog. has had weird family situations before and knows how to handle it.

As for the getting ready stuff- are the rest of your BM's getting ready with you? If they are, ask them to fend her off for you. If they see her coming near you, they can distract her. Have that be one of their bridesmaid duties.

Can your dad talk to her at all and lay down the 'rules' for your wedding day? Does he know your concerns?

Good luck with everything

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

For one, how about talking to your photographer ahead of time. Let her know the situation with S. and how she might pester her at the wedding. I'm sure your photographer will understand.

As for getting ready. Is there any way there can be a separate room you can get ready in. Like if she's bothering you too much you can escape. Or does she HAVE to be there when you are getting ready? I don't know if this helps, but just try to ignore her. Don't let her ruin your and your FHs special day.

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

Well, thats tough. I think when you meet with your photographer, explain the situation to her. Tell her that S gets one picture with her family, and thats it. No requests for photos the day of the wedding.
I am sure your photog. has had weird family situations before and knows how to handle it.

As for the getting ready stuff- are the rest of your BM's getting ready with you? If they are, ask them to fend her off for you. If they see her coming near you, they can distract her. Have that be one of their bridesmaid duties.

Can your dad talk to her at all and lay down the 'rules' for your wedding day? Does he know your concerns?

Good luck with everything

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Oh - my dad

the man doesnt do or say anything - I love him, but thats somethign he has never done - hence a lot of the issues!!!

I waas thinking the same thing - having my BM's around me and keep her out in a subtle way!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

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Posted by 06NovBride

For one, how about talking to your photographer ahead of time. Let her know the situation with S. and how she might pester her at the wedding. I'm sure your photographer will understand.

As for getting ready. Is there any way there can be a separate room you can get ready in. Like if she's bothering you too much you can escape. Or does she HAVE to be there when you are getting ready? I don't know if this helps, but just try to ignore her. Don't let her ruin your and your FHs special day.

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Honestly - she is so about her and herself, she may not even be in the same room - may be so focused on herself, may not be involved with me getting ready - yes, thats the type of person she is...

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

I also think the other suggestion about having the BMs keep her occupied might also work. Have someone keep her occupied and hopefully she won't bother you as much.

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

I think its quite simple....you are miserable when shes around, why would you want her for MOH. Tell her to step down so someone 'supportive' and 'selfless' can take the honor seriously.

Just a note: We let our family members get single portraits so that we could give it to them as gifts. They all wanted one so we felt it was the least we coudl do. Its not unusual for someone to want a family pic while they are all fancied up

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

I am so sorry that you are going through this!!! I think you need to tell her that this is your wedding, and that the photographer will be taking pictures of everyone. You can tell her that you told your photographer to take a family shot of her and her family, but it is only going to be a hand full of shots because the photographer will be very busy that night. Don't worry if she gets mad at you because this is your day and you need to enjoy it!!!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Photog issue: Tell Natasha who she is, and how annoying she is, and to take 1 pic of her with her family, maybe right after the family shots, when everyone is together already, but AFTER any other smaller group family shots, so that they have to wait long!
Getting ready issue: Have your BMs run interference.
Or you can do it my way- when people piss me off, I tell them to F off.
Good luck!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

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Posted by JPC1125

I think its quite simple....you are miserable when shes around, why would you want her for MOH. Tell her to step down so someone 'supportive' and 'selfless' can take the honor seriously.

Just a note: We let our family members get single portraits so that we could give it to them as gifts. They all wanted one so we felt it was the least we coudl do. Its not unusual for someone to want a family pic while they are all fancied up

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I hear you - but asking her to step down is not somehting I want to do - would make things worse - like I said, its so complicated - yes - I will give her an opportunity to take the pic together, but not all thru the wedding the way she did at my e-party! It was disgusting - you would have thought ti was their party looking at the pics after - there were more of them than me and FH, and NONE of my FH with his daughters except for one posed, and absolutely none of him with his parents!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

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Posted by Naunie

Photog issue: Tell Natasha who she is, and how annoying she is, and to take 1 pic of her with her family, maybe right after the family shots, when everyone is together already, but AFTER any other smaller group family shots, so that they have to wait long!
Getting ready issue: Have your BMs run interference.
Or you can do it my way- when people piss me off, I tell them to F off.
Good luck!

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Yes - we spoke to Natasha, and its nothing new to her - she told me how she handled it in the past - she's awesome!

BM's will run interference, plus, our best man and partner are gay, and may be involved with me getting ready as well - and they are all set to put her in her place! So that helps...

As for telling her to F off - well, imagine the photos after that fiasco - I want to keep everything peaceful...

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

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Posted by ali120206

Very tough.

The easiest thing to deal with will be the photographer. If you tell her what the situation is and what you want, you can avoid the overabundance of unwanted pics.

Unasking her might make things worse since she seems so bitter. Maybe just work around her, adn have the others do the same and just fill her in after everything's been decided!

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Completely agree. Talk to photographer and tell her not to let S monopolize the camera. You can't ask her to step down, what's done is done. Let me tell you that no matter how someone might WANT to steal the spotlight, they can't. It's your day and the attention will be completely on you. Don't worry about her. She fade into the background as she should. Even though she may not want to.

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Sounds like you are doing everything you need to do to make it a painless experience. I certainly hope it's way better than painless.

Happy that you have folks who can run interference.

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

I say trip her so she hurts her leg and can't walk down the aisle…

No but seriously: I definitely agree that you should stress to the photographer the importantce of her not listening any her photo requests. The photographer will be smart enough to focus the attention on you. However, to keep her satisfy I would just take the pic of you and her, and a few with her, you and your dad and then another with her mom (however, you should be in all of them). It ***** that you have to kind of cater to her so she doesn’t start trouble but unfortunately ppl are F'd up that way. Then I would get dressed in another room and say that you wan tto be alone to relax and bind with your step daughter sinc eyou guys will be a complete family now. I have a relative who is an annoying brat (long story also) and I said I needed time to myself so I am getting dressed at my sisters house so she wont be there the night before to drive me crazy.

Also try to remember that there si going to be so much happening on your day and you will be so focused on your FH that you'd be surpised the little things you will ignore or not even focus on. I hope she doesn’t ruin it and good luck!!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

The thing is, I want to be understanding - I mean, my career is focused on people with disabilities and behavior issues - I am old enough and wise enough to know now where her behaviors are coming from, and she has done a lot of hurtful things to me in my life (I've know her since I was 9) and I practice Buddhism, so I try and practice patience and tolerance, but its hard...

I want to enjoy this day - its the one day in my life I'll ever have where some attention and focus is on me - I'm not trying to sound like a baby with this, but life in my family has been tough, and I've been the underdog most of my life...

this is my chance to not be looked down on and get to have a moment where I can walk down the aisle and dance with my dad... I'm 32, and I want this moment without anyone else bringing it down...


thanks ladies for your support and understanding!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

i'd let the photographer know ahead of time what she is like and talk to your other BMs and they will probably help you and try to keep her away from you if she gets to be too much at the wedding.

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

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Posted by jenntony

i'd let the photographer know ahead of time what she is like and talk to your other BMs and they will probably help you and try to keep her away from you if she gets to be too much at the wedding.

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I love your avatar!!!

Re: Repost, but you ladies are always full of good advice here at BHB... long, and some insight into my complicated family life

Give the photographer a list of must have photos...give her her one family pic and then have the photographer deal with her.

I did sort of the same thing with my family and the DJ. They all have demands and 'requests'. I told them there requests must go through me b/c there will be no changes on the day of the wedding.

Otherwise, talk to your BM's (who seem kind and helpful) tell them if she starts up run interference. That is what I completely plan to do with my Future Monster in law. The BM's know keep her and her 'observations and opinions' away from me on my big day! I am also going to speak to my bridal assistant and have her run some interference.

It's a shame that so many people have to cause drama b/c they are not in the spotlight. UGH!

Remember...it's your day and don't let anyone rain on your parade!