Stress with fiance

I'm getting married in two months. Lately, fiance & I have been fighting a lot, neither of us look happy, so sometimes we just don't talk at all. He's says nothing has changed, but I feel different. We just mailed our invitations on Saturday. I ask him if everything is ok, to which he just replies there's no problem. I really don't think he's being honest with me, as I suspect he resents me for making him see some of his friends in a new light. I'm not sure what to do at this juncture. I'm kind of unhappy about this, but I'm also very drained from work, wedding planning, etc. so I sort of feel at a loss as to what I should do, if anything, to improve this situation. What would you do?

Re: Stress with fiance

It's probably the whole wedding planning taking a toll on both of you.

Maybe you can take a break from talking wedding and ask your FH if that it is a problem and if it would be helpful

Re: Stress with fiance

Can you take a mini-getaway?

Atlantic city, or CT maybe?

Re: Stress with fiance

Just try to take each individual occurance for what it is and try (even though it is hard) to not join things together in your mind and make it more than it might actually be.

My best advice is to try and be positive at all times, look on the bright side, stay calm, and just talk to him the most you can about how you feel and that you need his support/love/ understanding.

By all means, tell him that maybe you are just stressed with work/wedding plans but you need his care and concern.

I hope it all works out... you have a lot on your plate right now. Try as hard as you can to take everything one day at a time and not let things 'pile up' in your mind or else you'll just go crazy.

Re: Stress with fiance

I don't know what to say, but I am so sorry that you are feeling like this!!!

It sounds like you and FH need to have a nice romantic night together! Away from work, away from the wedding plans, and away from his friends. Just the two of you and bring back the great feelings you both have for one another! Try to plan a night, cook a nice dinner just for the two of you, drink some wine, and then end the night talking and enjoying each other's company (and however else you want to end the night ).

You both need to talk though and not ignore the situation because it will only eat you up inside and that is not good for either of you.

Re: Stress with fiance

could just be a meltdown from the stress of working, being together, planning a wedding, etc. and whatever extra stress was added with you 'making him see his friends in a new light.' (i'm not sure what that means--but doesn't sound too good!)

you may just be experiencing a 'bump' in the road--or it could be something serious. only you would be able to tell that for sure. maybe you need to sit down with him and share your concerns and let him know that you are worried that things might be different between you two now--and you don't want to jump into a wedding if he's not feeling the same way. he will probably do the guy thing, and just say 'nothing's changed', but if in your gut you can sense something---SAY something. just because you're down to the wire in your wedding doesn't mean you can just brush it off and hope for the best.

good luck to you!!!!!

Re: Stress with fiance

Maybe if you take a Saturday or a whole weekend and just do things that you haven't been able to do together in a while (without ANY wedding talk), he'll be more willing to come out and talk about what's bothering him.

Wedding planning can be stressful on the FH - especially if he feels like he's caught between you and his mom.

Re: Stress with fiance

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Posted by Shorty McBride

Can you take a mini-getaway?

Atlantic city, or CT maybe?

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yeah, good idea--have some 'together' time with just the two of you and if you can-- have a weekend or a day or two where you don't mention the wedding at all. sometimes, guys can get real sick of all things wedding.

Re: Stress with fiance

thank you, maybe we can try to get away for a weekend. It may very well be a good idea to take the edge off. It's been hard lately since one thing after another has been happening. Wedding planning can definitely take a toll on you as you get closer to the date. I find myself second guessing a lot of the details asking if I should have ordered different flowers, or a different place for the wedding, or chosen a different dress. It's not a great feeling. However, I have no basis for comparison because believe it or not, I've never had a party before (No sweet 16, bat mitzvah, didnt go to any of my proms, etc). Im just so used to being a 'guest' at a wedding I guess I was pretty unprepared to know what's expected when you're actually the bride lol. Thanks for your responses and concern.

Re: Stress with fiance

Several married friends have told me to expect something similar to this and not to get freaked out. I think it is all the stress of the planning. I am sure it is normal and everything will be fine and you guys love each other as much as always, but stress is really powerful.

Good Luck Honey

Re: Stress with fiance

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Posted by MrsWmson2be

thank you, maybe we can try to get away for a weekend. It may very well be a good idea to take the edge off. It's been hard lately since one thing after another has been happening. Wedding planning can definitely take a toll on you as you get closer to the date. I find myself second guessing a lot of the details asking if I should have ordered different flowers, or a different place for the wedding, or chosen a different dress. It's not a great feeling. However, I have no basis for comparison because believe it or not, I've never had a party before (No sweet 16, bat mitzvah, didnt go to any of my proms, etc). Im just so used to being a 'guest' at a wedding I guess I was pretty unprepared to know what's expected when you're actually the bride lol. Thanks for your responses and concern.

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I can't even imagine how hard this planning is for you then if you have not planned for a party before, but I am sure everything you are doing is great! Do not second guess yourself! The flowers will be beautiful, the CH will do a fantastic job, and you will look amazing in your dress!!!!!! Everything is the way it is and your wedding day will be perfect! Just the way you every dreamed it to be. Take some time off of the wedding (everything is booked and it is time for you and FH to sit back and wait to get your responses) and enjoy each other.

Re: Stress with fiance

I think weddings can take a toll on your relationship even when you think you couldn't be any more in love. FH and fight a lot too, over stupid stuff, but I know a lot of it has to do w/ the stress in planning. If I were you, I'd stop everything, and make a date w/ each other, where you're not talking about flowers and invites, you're talking about the 2 of you. I think you should tell him what you told us, and that you're concerned that his feelings might be different for some reason. If he resents what you've said about his friends, than that's one thing. You can't really erase what you said, and he can't be mad at you for having an opinion. But if you two have gotten caught up in planning and haven't focused on each other, you need to get back to the feeling that brought you together in the first place. Why not suprise him w/ a romantic dinner at home, where you can talk in private about your feelings? Or, as an ice breaker, dinner in your fave restaurant, and then go home and really talk? Tell him you're unhappy and you want to fix whatever's wrong. Good luck to you! HTH!

Re: Stress with fiance

I guess another aspect of it is that when we were just dating, everything seemed so smooth, like he really enjoyed seeing me, being with me, etc. Now, it just seems to me that he hangs out with me because it's expected. I told him go out without me and he said he doesn't want to. But still I feel like things are off. I've asked millions of times why he looked so down and each time, he tells me nothing is wrong but my instinct tells me otherwise.