NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

My sister is due to have a C-section on the 13th. We have all known about this for some time and we have it on our calendar at home and i also put it in my FH's calendar and made sure he didn't schedule anything for monday after work so we could go to the hospital.
So my mom just calls and tells me that ONLY the 'immediate' family should go to the Hospital after she has the baby. That just my mom and dad, me and my younger sister (she is 25). My mom said that my FH should not go and neither should my sister's boyfriend of 4 months. I am livid. How do I tell my FH that he is not welcome at the hospital? He is going to be my husband? He is part of the family... how can they exclude him? I am so hurt. My mother would never permit me excluding my brother in law from ANYTHING. What is the difference. I am marrying this man and have lived with him for 2 years. I was there when his sister had her baby... actually both of them!. I am so upset. I know my mom did this becasue my younger sister shouldn't be parading around with her flavor of the month at the hospital. But it is not fair to restrict me from bringing my FI because they want to restrict my sister. We are in different places. I have been with FH for 4 yrs and she has been with her boyfriend for 4 months. I am so mad that I don't want to even go to the hospital. It is not right. Am I wrong for being this upset? I think that excluding him is so mean and I don't know what to tell him now that I have made such a stink about him keeping his schedule open. It is strange for me to be forced to go to the hospital alone and leave him at home.

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

Maybe they don't want to exaust your sister with too many visitors.

But I have to admit it would not make me feel warm and fuzzy. He is supposed to be part of this family in a few months.

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

I am so sorry I don't know what to say, but I definitely can say no matter what I think you should definitely go to the hospital. This is between you and your mother, don't take it out on your sister.

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

Dont feel bad... I have one worse! my FSIL gave birth 4 yrs ago ( c-section 0 and she wanted only everyone there... So she has the c- section and invites only parents in afterwards.. understandable.. now FH's parents are divorced ( both remarried for about 17 years) she tells them only her real parents are allowed to see her- she made her step parents wait 3 hours before they can see her and the baby... Nows shes preg. again due to have the c-section on the 17th.. I dont even want to go! I rather see them later then be belittled at the hosp. ( sorry for the vent!)

I think you should def. go to the hosp.

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

I could understand why it would upset you but I think it is something that could be let go. I know when my sister in law gave birth she had many visitors and was VERY uncomfortable. I think that it is not an unreasonable request to just have her parents and sisters there. Telll your FI how much you appreciate that he made it a priority to visit your sister in the hospital however she wants to keep visitors to a minimum immediately after giving birth because Im sure her husband will have family coming too. It really is not the best place for a lil family reunion - Im sure your FI is a great man and will understand. Try not to think of it as a personal 'snub' to your FI - It may not be that at all. That being said, I understand how it would make you upset and feel uneasy but if you dont make a big deal about it neither will FI.

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

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Posted by JPCP4806

Dont feel bad... I have one worse! my FSIL gave birth 4 yrs ago ( c-section 0 and she wanted only everyone there... So she has the c- section and invites only parents in afterwards.. understandable.. now FH's parents are divorced ( both remarried for about 17 years) she tells them only her real parents are allowed to see her- she made her step parents wait 3 hours before they can see her and the baby... Nows shes preg. again due to have the c-section on the 17th.. I dont even want to go! I rather see them later then be belittled at the hosp. ( sorry for the vent!)

I think you should def. go to the hosp.

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I don't understand the step-parent thing. I guess they don't understand how bad it sounds! Who would want to wait 3 hours in an hospital and you are not allowed to visit the person.

I would just limit the number of visitors all together.

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

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Posted by sr081906

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Posted by JPCP4806

Dont feel bad... I have one worse! my FSIL gave birth 4 yrs ago ( c-section 0 and she wanted only everyone there... So she has the c- section and invites only parents in afterwards.. understandable.. now FH's parents are divorced ( both remarried for about 17 years) she tells them only her real parents are allowed to see her- she made her step parents wait 3 hours before they can see her and the baby... Nows shes preg. again due to have the c-section on the 17th.. I dont even want to go! I rather see them later then be belittled at the hosp. ( sorry for the vent!)

I think you should def. go to the hosp.

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I don't understand people. I guess they don't understand how bad it sounds! Who would want to wait 3 hours in an hospital and you are not allowed to visit the person.

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She also made us all be there by 7 am - c-section was sched. for 11 ( we didnt know) she just wanted it to be like the movies where people were sitting waiting.. What an A**.... This is why we clash!!!!!

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

Well, she is your sister! And maybe she is not realizing what she is asking. Maybe YOU can be the good sister and be there for her.

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

Was this your mom's decision or your sister's decision? If your mom relayed the message from your sister, I think you should respect her wishes although it's understandable why you'd be upset. If it's coming from your mom, either speak to your sister and see what her feelings are or talk to your mom and tell her how you feel.

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

im sure its not going to be a huge deal to him- just tell him the truth-
its probably the hospital policy..
go with your family and send a gift from him
i dont think he will lose sleep over it! guys are guys- he will see the baby when she gets home
dont worry!

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

yeah i would be mad....you should voice your opinion....its def not right he is almost your husband! but i understand about your younger sister....she should just know its not the same

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

This is a tough situation, and you're right, you're in a different place than your little sister so things shouldn't be weighed equally. But honestly, your older sister is probably going to be going through some major recovery and maybe she would prefer to only have her immediate family there. Is she close with your FI?

Regardless, I think you should go to the hospital either way. Don't take this out on your sister or your new neice/nephew!

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

Maybe he could come and wait in the waiting room and you can go see your sister- maybe your sister doesnt want guys besides your dad in with her after surgery and all.

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

I don't think it is up to your mom, ask your sister, if she doesn't mind, bring him reguardless of what your mom says. I do think it is rude though.... I don't think parents understand sometimes that your FI is your immediate family....
If you were pregnant, would your BIL be there? Honestly, I wouldn't even ask your sister. I would just bring my FI. She personally would have said something to you if she didn't want him there. she probably doesn't even know your mom said anything.

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

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Posted by JennandPhil827

Maybe he could come and wait in the waiting room and you can go see your sister- maybe your sister doesnt want guys besides your dad in with her after surgery and all.

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I agree with this post. Although it is unfair that your FH is being lumped together with your younger sisters 'flavor of the month' . It really could just be that your sister dosen't want a lot of people in her room after she gives birth. She may just want her imediate family there.

Your FH could always come with you to the hospital, and go to see the baby through the glass, and just not go into your sisters room. I do understand your mother and sisters point, if I just gave birth and had major surgery I would want a bunch of people coming in. Just the people who are most important to me.

I have been to see a lot of my friends after they had given birth and most were just not in the mood to greet so many faces after birth and major surgery. Don't be too hard on your mom and sis. And you should DEFENATLY be there though.

Re: NWR: Need to vent -- do you think this is wrong?

I'VE HAD A C-SECTION, ITS MAJOR SURGERY. BELIEVE ME YOUR SISTER IS GOING TO BE IN NO MOOD OR CONDITION TO ENTERTAIN VISITORS AFTER THE BABY IS BORN. IF YOUR IN THE WAITING AREA THEY WILL MOST LIKELY BRING THE BABY OUT FOR A PEAK. THERE'S NO REASON YOUR FH CAN'T BE WITH YOU IN THE WAITING AREA.