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dani18
Board Fanatic
Member since 1/06 328 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/13/2007 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
By the water
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Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
Well….originally my IL’s were going to pay for the Band and the Rehersal Dinner….Lets just say that there has been a turn of events these past couple of days and neither one seem to be the case anymore….because of the following:
1. The IL’s want 50 % Greek music played at our wedding. I am not greek and don’t care much for Greek music....so I am only agreeing to 1/3 Greek and the rest American. Apparently this is not enough and I’m being selfish and unreasonable and I am not respecting their traditions. I’m sorry…did I ever say I didn’t want ANY Greek music…NO!!!! Plus…the wedding is divided into 1/3 my parents guests, 1/3 IL’s guests and 1/3 our guests. WHO THE HELL DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?!?!?!?
2. We have agreed to get married at the GO Church but we are going to raise our kids Catholic. Well this seems to be a problem as well….because my IL’s stated that they “don’t do” communions…whatever that means. And before we agreed to get married in their church…my FIL made a comment to my FH that if we got married in a catholic church he would not walk down the isle and what not. And because we mentioned the whole catholic children….once again….I am not being respectful to their traditions. What about my traditions!?!? Isn’t the brides father supposed to give away his daughter at their house of worship?!?!? I feel that I’m being more than accommodating.
This is getting out of control! We talk about our wedding with our friends and they are so happy for us. I talk to my family about our wedding and they are so excited to celebrate…and only give advise or help when we ask for it. And then we talk to my IL’s and its always a hassle.
OHH did I mention that they are threatening to not invite People because they aren’t going to have a good time if there isn’t a lot of greek music and they keep telling us that its going to hurt us…people the people they are going to disinvite are VERY generous people….and we probably wont meet our minimum.
This is what I’m going through right now…so I think its safe to say that NO MY IL’s AREN’t PAYING FOR ANYHTING AND AT THIS POINT they can shove their money up their ***.
Thanks for listening…sorry for this longgggggggg VENT!
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Posted 3/8/06 6:46 PM 
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Mrs. dleeny
My most beautiful day ever
Member since 3/05 12395 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club A+
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
UGH! I'm sorry you're going through this.
have you tried to ask your FH to explain to them that they need to respect your traditions as well? it sounds like they're in denial that their son is not marrying a Greek woman (just like in the movie "My big fat Greek wedding")
talk about life imitating art 
Message edited 3/8/2006 6:51:24 PM.
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Posted 3/8/06 6:50 PM
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i102bcute
"I'm Addicted"
Member since 2/05 1076 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/27/2007 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Fox Hollow
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
 That really *****!! It seems they are not willing to compromise!
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Posted 3/8/06 6:51 PM
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dani18
Board Fanatic
Member since 1/06 328 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/13/2007 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
By the water
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
They are soooo in denial....we've been together for 6 years....what did they think was going to happen?!?!?! The good thing is the FH is so on my side...and backs me up completely. I just feel bad that things have gotten this far. We are going to have a huge talk with them and set things straight....tell them how things are going to be not how they want them to be.
so dreading it! help!
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Posted 3/8/06 6:56 PM
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bride2b24
~Married and loving it!~
Member since 12/05 4402 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/28/2007 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Leonards of Great Neck
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
eeeks.....FH should put his foot down....unfourtunately people who feel very strongly about their culture tend to take things personally that involve it.......im sorry you have to deal with this.....but just be prepared that you have a lifetime of this now! good luck !
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Posted 3/8/06 6:56 PM
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Mrs. dleeny
My most beautiful day ever
Member since 3/05 12395 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club A+
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
Posted by dani18
They are soooo in denial....we've been together for 6 years....what did they think was going to happen?!?!?! The good thing is the FH is so on my side...and backs me up completely. I just feel bad that things have gotten this far. We are going to have a huge talk with them and set things straight....tell them how things are going to be not how they want them to be.
so dreading it! help!
I'm very happy to hear that your FH is backing you! that is SO important.
you need to set expectations for YOUR wedding with them. and the sooner the better. since they're not paying a dime, they have ZERO say. if you choose to allow them certain things, that would be b/c you're generous, not because they are owed anything.
stand your ground, it is after all your wedding 
ETA: just had to add this.... "your day... your way!" 
Message edited 3/8/2006 7:04:07 PM.
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Posted 3/8/06 7:02 PM
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dani18
Board Fanatic
Member since 1/06 328 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/13/2007 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
By the water
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
Thanks ladies for posting! Let you know how it goes....once i deal with everything once and for all!!!
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Posted 3/8/06 9:21 PM
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Summer101
"I'm Addicted"
Member since 12/05 1907 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/1/2010 11:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
That is horrible!!! I feel so bad for you!!!
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Posted 3/8/06 9:23 PM
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EmberLynn
Keeping it real!
Member since 11/03 3504 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/6/2006 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
Message edited 8/1/2007 1:09:04 PM.
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Posted 3/8/06 9:41 PM
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MJDoc12
WE SALUTE YOU!!!
Member since 10/05 11851 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/25/2007 11:15 AM
Wed. Location:
Watermill Caterers.. A++++
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
sorry you have to deal with this....but i would say, as my spanish culture would refer to it, this is a case of Quien es mas macho? you're FIL's are trying to bully & intimidate you--and hope you will cave in. don't let that happen!! if they threaten to not invite ppl, say "Well I'm sorry you feel that way, they will be missed." let them make their comments about raising the children--because in the end YOU AND FH will be making those decisions.
i'm a big fan of killing 'em with kindness. each time they try and bully you---smile and say "You are entitled to your own opinion--but FH and I are the ones with the final say." Don't let them see you sweat--that's what they feed off of!!!!
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Posted 3/8/06 9:42 PM
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dani18
Board Fanatic
Member since 1/06 328 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/13/2007 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
By the water
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
Thanks ladies! I really appreciate your support. The weird thing about all of this is that I NEVER had ANY issues with my in laws prior to all this wedding stuff. I know its my wedding and i'm goign to do whatever i want....but it still hurts that they are acting this way. I can't beleive it. I wake up and go to sleep with all this anxiety...my chest is al tight because of them....and things shouldn't be this way.
The only reason i brought up how we are raising our children now....is because i told them...this is whats its going to be....and when that time comes....i don't want to hear a peep out of anyone from his family.
Ohh...and if they really go forward with disinviting people to our wedding.....You guys are ALL invited! haha!
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Posted 3/8/06 10:03 PM
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lrs2005
today is a GREAT day!
Member since 6/04 2065 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/28/2005 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
booked
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
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Posted 3/8/06 10:11 PM
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Emma2-22
Board Fanatic
Member since 4/03 761 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/22/2004 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Chateau Briand
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
Posted by dani18
Ohh...and if they really go forward with disinviting people to our wedding.....You guys are ALL invited! haha!
You just let us know and we're there! 
Hey girl I'm sorry it has gotten worse I was praying it wouldn't.
I went through exactly the same thing.
Hang in there.
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Posted 3/8/06 11:18 PM
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suven
Sunny skies on my wedding day!
Member since 8/03 5968 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/30/2004 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Leonard's of Great Neck: A
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
I'm not seeing a problem with the 1/3 your parents guests 1/3 your inlaw's guests and 1/3 your guests.
Also, why are you even discussing how you will raise your children? That's not their business. If they ask, just say "we'll worry about that when the time comes."
Tell them if they want to back out of their agreement on paying for the band that you'll just hire a very inexpensive (read: cheesy) DJ and he'll make sure to play 100% (insert music they hate here), but that you'll still invite ALL of their family and friends.
Watch how fast they make good on their original promises then!
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Posted 3/9/06 8:40 AM
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Mrs. Powell
DH Sure Knows How to spoil Me
Member since 10/05 3105 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/4/2005 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
First of all . I must say I do agree with suven on her post a 100%.
Message edited 3/9/2006 8:43:28 AM.
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Posted 3/9/06 8:41 AM
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Mrs. dleeny
My most beautiful day ever
Member since 3/05 12395 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club A+
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
Posted by suven
Tell them if they want to back out of their agreement on paying for the band that you'll just hire a very inexpensive (read: cheesy) DJ and he'll make sure to play 100% (insert music they hate here), but that you'll still invite ALL of their family and friends.
Watch how fast they make good on their original promises then!
 Suven... you're so funny! I love the way you think 
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Posted 3/9/06 9:51 AM
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jellybean1420
Board Fanatic
Member since 3/05 752 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/10/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
I have to be honest with you, this does not sound unusual for someone marrying a Greek person. I have many Greek's in my family and a ton of Greek friends. Their families and religion are extremely important to them and they dont always negotiate on those areas like others would. I am surprised they didnt have a problem with you raising your kids Catholic....that is extremely unusual. I think you and FH need to do what you need to do and what will make YOU happy. They will get over it eventually. This is YOUR wedding and YOUR day.
You are very fortunate that your IL's, as much of a pain in the *** that they are now, are supporting you and FH in getting married. My best friend Theresa who is Greek just broke up with her boyfriend of 1 yr. b/c her parents couldn't accept the fact that he was not Greek (or Italian....for some reason if your not going to marry Greek, they will accept Italians). They made it a living hell for her and she finally couldnt deal with it anymore.
I am so sorry....but it is great that FH is supporting you.
Message edited 3/9/2006 10:04:52 AM.
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Posted 3/9/06 10:00 AM
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Naunie
the Max stands for money
Member since 9/05 5932 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/2/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
and the P is for Power.
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
Eww.
I would tell them "Fine- 1/2 greek, sure". Then tell the DJ to not play so much. Or to play all soft greek music through dinner, when no one cares anyway.
By then, it will be too late, and not your fault!
Regarding the raising of your children, I have no advice to offer. Just this-
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Posted 3/9/06 10:05 AM
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ewickens
We have a PUPPY!!!
Member since 1/05 13581 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/16/2006 10:30 AM
Wed. Location:
Brentwood Country Club A++
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
Your in-laws are being completely rude about this whole thing!!! If your parents are paying for the wedding, it is custom that the bride and her family are the ones hosting the event. If you're paying for the wedding, then you and FH need to decide. Most importantly, right now, your FH needs to stand ground with you and support you and your decisions and inform his parents that they are being illogical!
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Posted 3/9/06 10:17 AM
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JandJ1224
214 invited 150- yes 55-no's
Member since 12/05 1281 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/20/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Hamlet Willow Creek
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
Your vent made me laugh! I know how you feel, stay strong get through all this crap. Try not to lose sight of what this day means to you and FH and let the other BS fall away!
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Posted 3/9/06 10:28 AM
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dani18
Board Fanatic
Member since 1/06 328 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/13/2007 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
By the water
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
Thanks ladies...some of your responses crack me up. I'm actually doing soooo much better today. I have definitely calmed down a bit! I don't care anymore....I'm happy, my FH is happy, my friends and family are happy and supportive of every decision we have made....if my IL's choose to be miserable and choose to ruin our relationship with them....they have no one else to blame but themselves....I can go to bed at night knowing that I have never been disrespectful to them or to their beliefs and customs unlike them.
Our wedding day is going to be ALL ABOUT US! and thats all that matters.
So once again thank you all. You've been great!
Ohh one final thought....so for the past 6 years FMIL has stated time and time again that she would make a conscience effort to NEVER be like Marie Barrone from Everyone loves raymond....GUESS WHAT LADY...you are so much worse!!!!!
haha!
Message edited 3/9/2006 10:36:22 AM.
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Posted 3/9/06 10:34 AM
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MrsDaniRella
Serenity.
Member since 1/06 8563 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/9/2007 2:15 PM
Wed. Location:
Flowerfield- INFINITE A+
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
Posted by MJDoc12
sorry you have to deal with this....but i would say, as my spanish culture would refer to it, this is a case of Quien es mas macho? you're FIL's are trying to bully & intimidate you--and hope you will cave in. don't let that happen!! if they threaten to not invite ppl, say "Well I'm sorry you feel that way, they will be missed." let them make their comments about raising the children--because in the end YOU AND FH will be making those decisions.
i'm a big fan of killing 'em with kindness. each time they try and bully you---smile and say "You are entitled to your own opinion--but FH and I are the ones with the final say." Don't let them see you sweat--that's what they feed off of!!!!
HELL YEAH !!! can i say hell?? 
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Posted 3/9/06 10:42 AM
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Soon2BeMrsS
Board Dutchess
Member since 6/05 5286 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/11/2011 4:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Where we celebrate forever
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
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Posted 3/9/06 10:48 AM
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TheBigDay
Board Fanatic
Member since 9/05 746 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/8/2006 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Done
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
That is terrible! This is one of the reasons i told FH that i didnt want money from his mom... she will use it as a right to complain about everything... as if she wont do that anyway! My parents have been paying for stuff thus far.. well FH and I too, but i have not heard one I want out of my parents!.. NOT ONE!!! FMIL tried to get me to agree getting married in her church if my church wouldnt let her pastor come in and do the ceremony... i am like, slow down! I kinda feel like i have not even had a choice as to having my pastor the pastor of the church we are getting married in (who is new and I am not in NY to get to know her) do the ceremony.. even FH has been annoying me about it since his mom brought it up! i am like this is my pastors church i dont feel right just tossing to the side lines... i think his should come in and talk/be apart of the ceremony, but when he talks about it, it sounds like he is taking over... anyway, there have been MUCH worse things FMIL has done ... so i wish you only the best of luck with that one!!!!
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Posted 3/9/06 11:42 AM
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Mikeysgirl
"I'm Addicted"
Member since 1/06 1918 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/20/2007 3:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Leonard's
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Re: Repost-VENT! Can anyones IL's be this bad?!?!?!
That's a tough situation. I think you are being very accomodating by having 1/3 of the music be Greek.And as for the parents not invitng guests because they will not have a good time because of teh music, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Aren't the guests going there to celebrate your marriage and not to have a grand old time dancing to Greek Music!! You need to have a sit down with her and let it all out. She's pushing her opinions on you and you should really let her know where you stand. GOod luck
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Posted 3/9/06 12:07 PM
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