evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

So, should I fire her as a bridesmaid??? I never wanted her as one anyway...I only asked her because I knew FH wanted me to do it. I am ok with the #s being off at this point if it means that I don't have to pretend to love and adore her on MY wedding day....why should I have someone up there that I do not feel actually supports me??? GRRRR. Recently, when she was home for FBIL's Police Academy graduation, I walked in a room with his girlfriend...FSIL has the nerve to say hey to her and not me!!! She does this sort of thing all the time...it makes me think to myself 'clearly you hate me, just admit it.'

And how do I do it without being made out as the evil villian in all of this?? I mean, she has underminded (sp?) every aspect of our wedding plans from the dress to the veil issue (I refuse to wear a veil...and yes, I even tried one on and hated it). She hates the BM dress, she hates my dress, she doesn't like the flower choices, she doesn't think it should be at the swan club, she just hates it all. I bet she could find a problem with our honeymoon if we bothered to share that information with her. Her opinions mean squat to me as she seems to be the ONLY one making these comments so I can overlook them...but she brings out this hostility in me that is actually NOT like me at all.

I don't think that I need her in the bridal suite with me telling me that my eye shadow is ugly or standing up there next to me thinking of how ugly my bouquet is...nor do I really want her receiving any attention at all that day. I mean honestly, if she were to NOT show up, I wouldn't cry...I wouldn't bat an eye...I'd go on about my special day and be just fine.

Any advice is appreciated...I mean, given our history...I just don't think I should count on her to behave and be the sister she tries to claim she is.

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

Ugh! I would definitely get rid of her! The only issue you may have is if FH would be upset about that

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

Hmmm.
Okay- IMO-
I wouldn't. I would suck it up and be the bigger person. Kill her with kindness, so that you don't give anyone any reason to think you are the bad guy.
This girl is a jerk, let everyone see that.
Though that is waaaay easier said than done, so I can understand your dillema.

ETA- If she says anything negative on the big day, even if only you hear it, respond curtly, so that everyone can hear you, and tell her that it is your wedding day, you would appreciate her keeping her negative comments to herself today.

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

I can feel your pain. I feel as though my FSIL (and FMIL at times) have a negative comment about everything we are doing for the wedding, INCLUDING the honeymoon. Although I would prefer (sometimes) that FSIL not be in the bridal party, I know if would create HUGE problems for FH and I. PLUS, I would be totally kick out of the family for being 'disrespectful'. Depending on what your families are like, you might want to keep her in the bridal party to save yourself the aggravation with your families. If you don't have that issue then hey, it's your day...and if you don't want to share it with her then so be it!!!

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

---

Posted by Naunie

Hmmm.
Okay- IMO-
I wouldn't. I would suck it up and be the bigger person. Kill her with kindness, so that you don't give anyone any reason to think you are the bad guy.
This girl is a jerk, let everyone see that.
Though that is waaaay easier said than done, so I can understand your dillema.

ETA- If she says anything negative on the big day, even if only you hear it, respond curtly, so that everyone can hear you, and tell her that it is your wedding day, you would appreciate her keeping her negative comments to herself today.

---

I agree with all of that. You dont need any extra stressors on your wedding day. You know if you do that, she'll be talking smack all day it. It will just cast a cloud on your happy day.

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

I understand you and her don't get along, but you even just said you have her in your BP for your husband. IMHO when a brother or sister is in the BP, it is always for whoever their sibling is, meaning either the bride or the groom. She couldn't exactly be up there in a tux, so your FH asked you to have her wear a BM dress. I would definately keep her in, because unfortunately, I don't think it is your decision. You wouldn't think about kicking one of FH groomsmen out even if you didn't like them would you?

I say be nice....its your FH family..... In laws will ALWAYS do things that piss us off, but if you act like everything is peachy keen, your FH will see you trying and his sister making trouble.

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

If you boot her now it will probably haunt you the rest of your or her life. It will cause more problems in the long run. Personally, I would try to find a way to ignore her for that one day. I have a similar problem with my brothers because they're idiots, even though they're much older than me, but I have my parents on it. For the next year and a half they will be threatened and warned that if they ruin my day, there will be severe repercussions Is there anyone in his family that can help you with this?

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

She's going to talk badly about you (and your choices) whether you keep her in the bridal party or not. I would keep her in, but let her know that you don't appreciate her comments (especially on the wedding day). That way, SHE'LL look like the jerk. Plus, if you kick her out now, that may cause tension between you and your FH's family.

In other words...'be the bigger person'...but call her out if she starts up on your wedding day.

Good luck.

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

I suppose I will talk to FMIL...and have her talk to the spawn of sa tan about her behavior. she offered to bow out last summer, but it was put on me to make the decision...she didn't say 'I quit' she said 'if YOU want me to, i'll not be a BM anymore' well i couldn't tell her drop out...then it would've been all my doing. I kind of thought that was the advice I would get...but I wanted to hear it anyway to reassure myself when I speak to FMIL about it. THANKS.

(I also have been propositioning my sister's boyfriend to drop food on her or knock her into roslyn harbor just before the ceremony somehow....$50..is that reasonable for this kind of work? ...only half kidding!!)

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

Will it cause even more drama to kick her out? Does it really matter if she likes anything about your wedding?

To keep the peace, I'd leave her in - and trust me, I too wanted to remove my SIL from the BP (though I wouldn't brand mine as evil; yours is very different).
My advice is to keep her in the bridal party and make sure that your other bridesmaids keep her azz away from yours. That's what mine did for me and it was perfect. Only once did I have to tell her to shut up.

Good luck. It's annoying to have to deal with such negative people, but it really may be worse if you kick her out.

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

---

Posted by vixchik

.

(I also have been propositioning my sister's boyfriend to drop food on her or knock her into roslyn harbor just before the ceremony somehow....$50..is that reasonable for this kind of work? ...only half kidding!!)

---

LOL you are too funny!!!

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

I would give her the boot.

That's a message to her loud and clear. Why should you stress about her and what she may do? By keeping her in for the sake of peace or family politics, your sacrificing your own peace of mind... Your BP should be people you want around you, people who support you - not tear you down at every chance they get - i don't care who she is.

Have a serious talk with her about her negative comments and actions - not with her mother, I would make it just the two of you. I would be completely upfront about everything I see/feel and see what she has to say. If you're not satisfied with the discussion, then cut her from the BP right there and then. Then discuss what happened with your FH and FMIL if necessary. Don't ask them, just let them know what went down..

JMO

ETA: I promise I'm not usually this mean, but mean BMs drive me crazy..

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

go with your gut kick her out!!!!!!!!!!
she will be even more trouble when your shower and batchelorette party come around.

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

How old is this chick that she is acting like this? She has some nerve, but you have a bigger job here, you need to put her in her place and go on with your plans. It is your day and she's family, don't cut her. One day she will look back and be mortified about how she behaved. Doesn't FH and FMIL see any of this? She sounds like a real monster. Next time she gives you an opinion, tell her you appreciate it, but she should keep them to herself until she is asked.

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

Honestly, I would think no. I know it's hard now, but the end result could be much more devastating.

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

Give her tasks so she's not around as much while everyone gets ready and if she says something that day tell her to shut it, you don't want to hear it on your wedding day-she should only share positive comments or say nothing at all.

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

---

Posted by vixchik

(I also have been propositioning my sister's boyfriend to drop food on her or knock her into roslyn harbor just before the ceremony somehow....$50..is that reasonable for this kind of work? ...only half kidding!!)

---

you are so funny... I think the liwedding girls will do it for half! lol. Or get her her own limo and pay the guy to drive her to the wrong place. OOPSIES!!

I don't know how you can deal with her... what does your FH think? Does he want her in? I really think HE should talk to her and straighten her out and say you really have to start behaving yourself. This it going to be MY wife, and you need to treat her with respect. If you don't, maybe you shouldn't attend the wedding. It's harsh, but if HE makes that stand, maybe she'll shape up.

I don't know the whole situation... that's just an idea. I didn't like some things that my FSIL was doing for awhile (not even wedding related) and it really upset me. My FH actually spoke to her, and she improved BIG time. She was never 'evil' though... your situtation sounds a bit tougher.

Good luck!

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

Get RID of her! I've heard stories about how mean bridesmaids can ruin your wedding pictures! If they are spiteful and dont like you, you don't want them in your wedding photos.

I heard of a bride whose mean bridesmaid ruin all her photos and even intentionally spilled stuff on her (bride's) dress!

Don't do it! And your FH should not be telling you who to include in your bridal party. It's your decision and not his.

Good luck!

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

---

Posted by sarahradio5
I don't know how you can deal with her... what does your FH think? Does he want her in? I really think HE should talk to her and straighten her out and say you really have to start behaving yourself. This it going to be MY wife, and you need to treat her with respect. If you don't, maybe you shouldn't attend the wedding. It's harsh, but if HE makes that stand, maybe she'll shape up.

---

I agree with this. You can't kick her out without it backfiring IMO. I think your FH will be upset with you and you don't need that. She will probably be even worse if you kick her out of the BP...that only gives her MORE ammunition against you! Didn't you post earlier in the week that she had done something that made you look like the bad guy to your FH? I don't think kicking her out will help.

Good luck!

Re: evil FSIL...should i cut her from the BP??

i wouldn't give her the satisfaction of letting her get to you. she is either jealous or just a mean person and i would just be as happy as i could be all of the time-- the more you do, the more it will be killing her on the inside.

keep her in and act like everything's great-- she's probably just a negative person and if you let it bother you it will just make you upset...

sorry about her tho!! geez!