Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

So we go to my sister’s house to do out table seating on Friday night . First bryan and I took my parents to dinner. Then we all went back to stacey’s house because my mom was babysitting for the baby that night so we did the seating there. I brought wine and pie. We did it for 2 hours. Then at like 11:30 my sister comes home and starts talking about he plans. She then says, “you want to see my programs??” I kindly say no thanks and my mom insists on seeing the program. She runs upstairs and comes down with her program… and her freaking wedding album (a total of 22 days from MY wedding). My parents sit beside her and pour over her album. My mom reviewed her program over and over again. Now, she will notice all jewish things that are not incorporated into our interfaith wedding. Furthermore, they were just oogling at her pictures. She got married FOUR years ago…. Respectfully, 22 days is not really the time to take a walk down HER memory lane. I was sooooooooooooooooooooooo hurt. I told them I was hurt by what they did and left. Today I received one of my mother’s lovely emails which repeated the theme… is I don’t like things they way they are, I can get out of all their lives. Lovely. Just lovely. OH and my father just told me that in my speech he will be speaking of my sister’s accomplishments as well “Stacey having his first grand child” and suzy graduating from medical school.” I don’t think that it s the time to be praising my sisters. It is MY day, this is not the day for him to discuss how happy he is with all his daughters, We each get a turn at this, and this is mine. When suzy gets married, he can make a big speech about her accomplishments. Period. Am I wrong for being so unhappy about this? Please tell me

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

I am so sorry!!! I completely sypathize with you, and I agree, your fathers speech should NOT incorporate your other siblings. The wedding is about your husband and you. I would definitley talk to your father in private about his speech, and your concerns. I know it is close to the wedding, but I would be just as sad as you are if this was going to happen at my wedding.

I hope everything works out for you, and I'm sorry that this is what you have to think about so close to your wedding. Best of luck!

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

thanks for the support. I am conflicted because i know i should be happy and proud of my sisters, but I just feel like they are always getting the attention and I just wanted to feel special for a bit. Like i was the favorite
Thank you so much xoxox

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

i don't think you should make a huge deal about them looking at your sister's wedding album---i think that might have been a teeny bit of a bridezilla moment. ('Why are you caring about her wedding when MINE is coming NOW and you MUST think of only that one?') i'm not trying to be mean, but that's kind of how it sounds. perhaps making a deal out of that wasn't that great of an idea.

however, that being said..i do agree that your father shouldn't be going on and on about your sisters' accomplishments during a speech at your wedding. but somehow i sense that this goes deeper than just a wedding toast. (cause it always does) i don't know your entire situation, so i can't comment too much...but i would suggest sitting down with your dad and letting him know that you feel like a second fiddle in his toast.

good luck!

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

I wouldn't let your sister get to you - So what if she wants to relive the past with all the wedding talk, she can't take your day away from you... and maybe she wanted to help with showing you the programs since you are working on yours now? I dunno.

As for your dad, I agree with you. Your wedding day should be about you and FH. It's really not the place for him to give a speech on your whole family. Just you and FH.

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

PS:

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

i am so sorry that you have to deal with all of this!

first of all DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! I know that it is hard to deal with family ESPECIALLY during this stressful time right before your wedding. . . but know that the situation that you described ISN'T fair to you - it's not just you overreacting! your family should know what bothers you by now and should avoid those things for these next few days!

i don't know why certain people cannot think of how the bride feels - and just cut her some slack!!!

just try to NOT think about them - they are being stupid and selfish - just think of yourself and FH and how happy you guys are going to be soon!!!!

sorry i dont have better advice!

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

Honey first I am SOOO sorry to hear this is happening to you!!!! You are NOT wrong, you are 300% right!!!!!!! What they are doing to you is completely unfair!!!! If I were you I would go see your parents personally by yourself, and pour your heart to them and tellthem EXACTLY how you feel!
I wish you all the luck in the world!!!
XOXOXO
Kitty

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

as far as your family pouring over your sister's wedding album i think its naturaly for her to pull it out and reminise about her wedding, in talking about my wedding i have had many people go off on huge tangents about their own, it just makes them remember when they got married, it was one night forget it

As far as your father's speech is concerned he definately should not be mentioning your sisters, it is your day and only you should be mentioned

also how come your dad is making a speech, is this customary, i've never seen a dad make a speech at a wedding

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

That is weird, i thought it was customary for a dad to give a speech, but come to think of it, i was just at a wedding and the dad did not say anything. hmph. I might just tell my dad, that if he feels it necessary to bring up my accomplished sisters, then he should not say a speech at all. He will have time to praise each of them individually and not at a wedding that does not center around them.

As far as my sister's album. she is not trying to help. She is one of those people who needs to be the center of attention and she just can't think otherwise. More to the point, she has now reminded everyone of what her wedding was like and after 28 years, i just didn't want to walk in her shadow. Yes, it does go deep. I have been in her shadow all my life, never living up to her and i just didn't want this wedding to be another thing that i could not do as well as her. While i agree that it may seem like a Bridezilla thing, in my case it really is not. I demand the least attention and I have accepted my role as the black sheep, but i just wanted the last few weeks to be different. I was excited. We took my parents out to dinner first and we had a nice evening, and as soon as my sister walks through the door, i become no one again.

I can't wait until I am someone's wife, because I haven't loved being someone's daughter and I can't wait for what being married to someone means.... being so important to them, and not always feeling like a failure.

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

Lisa,

That was so sad - You are the furthest thing from a failure and no one should even have the ability to make you feel like that. That feeling of loving yourself has to come from you though, I hope you get there because you have everything in the world going for you, and you don't even realize 1/100th of what you are or have.

In any event, I think it's a great idea to tell your dad if he can't make the speech without talking about ONLY you and FH, then not to make it at all. I've been to weddings where the father did speak, and ones where he did not. If he doesn't speak, it will be just more time for everyone to dance.

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

Wow, I'm really sorry. You are 100% right. It's great that your parents are so proud of you girls but this is your day and they shouldn't lose sight of that....maybe you could have a talk with just the two of them and explain to them how inappropriate this is.

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

You've gotten some good advice on here and I agree that your Dad shouldn't talk about your sisters but to make you feel better, I can tell you that nothing is going to be able to spoil your wedding day- it will be magical and wonderful.

I have some drama with my father too and I was worried about nonsense spoiling my day and although there were things that were done that I didn't want or agree with, none of it seemed to matter because I was so happy that day and all I really cared about was getting married. All of the things that would have usually bothered me just kind of rolled off and didn't seem to matter.

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

hey i am so sorry and here are some more hugs for you!


also- i have never heard a dad give a speech at a wedding. . . maybe it used to be customary if he was paying for the entire thing - to welcome the guests or something but i have never heard of it

tell him that the best man will be making a speech ( and probably one focused entirely on you two!) so you dont want people to have to stop dancing/eating for two speeches or something like that

good luck!

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

I think you have every right to be upset. Your sisters have had their special days (at least one of them and if no tthe other she will eventually have one). This is your day.

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

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Posted by neener1211

I am so sorry!!! I completely sypathize with you, and I agree, your fathers speech should NOT incorporate your other siblings. The wedding is about your husband and you. I would definitley talk to your father in private about his speech, and your concerns. I know it is close to the wedding, but I would be just as sad as you are if this was going to happen at my wedding.

I hope everything works out for you, and I'm sorry that this is what you have to think about so close to your wedding. Best of luck!

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I am sorry you are going through all of this...I agree that your wedding is about You & your FH and I don't feel your father should be bringing up your sisters accomplishments... unless he is saying how he is so proud of his daughters... (not sure how he is wording it) I would sit down with your father & talk about it... Good Luck!

Re: Family vent, 20 days till wedding!

I agree - I do not think that your dad should make a speech at the wedding. It would be nice, but if he is going to talk about your sister's the whole time, then he doesn't need to make a speech at your wedding! Let him save that speech for when your sister gets married.

I am so sorry that they are making you feel like this!!!!! I am so happy to hear that your FH makes you feel happy and that you can't wait to marry him! I hope that you and your FH have a very long, happy, and magical marriage!!!

And don't forget your LIW girls love you!