NWR: Women's restrooms!!

Women's Restrooms

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually

Find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.

Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors.

Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in,

Nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find

The door won't latch. It doesn't matter.

The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented

By someone's mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang

Your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there isn't - - so

You carefully, but quickly, drape it around your neck, (Mom would

Turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your

Pants, and assume 'The Stance.'

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.

You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe

The seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you

Discover to be the EMPTY toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you

Can hear your mom's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean

The seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your

Thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your

Nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would

Have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is

Still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes open your stall door

because the latch doesn't work.

The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front

Of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the

Tank of the toilet. 'OCCUPIED!' you scream, as you reach for the

Door dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the

Floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly on the

TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.

You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has

made contact with

Every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU

never laid down toilet

Paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because,

You're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat

Because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases

You could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so

confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of

Water like a firehose that somehow ***** everything down with such

Force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of

Being dragged in too. At that point, you give up. You are soaked by

The spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted.

You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then

Slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

Now, you can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the

Automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper

Towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no

Longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the

line points out a

Piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when

You NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it

Into the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need

This.' As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since

Entered, used and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What

Took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public

Restroom (REST??? - You've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains

To the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their

Other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in

Pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse

And hand you Kleenex under the door.

Re: NWR: Women's restrooms!!

Good one. i gotta send that to my mom!!!!

Re: NWR: Women's restrooms!!

soooooooooooooo true!

Re: NWR: Women's restrooms!!

i couldnt agree more

Re: NWR: Women's restrooms!!

UGH sooooo true...I almost thought for a second that you were writing about my experience today in the bathroom at Applebees lol!

Re: NWR: Women's restrooms!!

That is so true!