something i saw on the knot...

ok so i was looking at one of the boards on the knot and someone posted about their shower.
apparently its not a surprise. people are RSVPing to her sister, whose planning it. apparently a guest from her FIs side called and said they couldnt' make it to the shower. the sister told them ' ok- well if you want to send your gift to my house, i'll make sure it gets to her'
the guest then got offended and said ' well, i'm not comnig to the shower, so i wno't be sending a gift'.
what do you think of this? do you think the guest is rude for not sending a gift? or do you think the sister was rude for assuming they would be sendign a gift?

Re: something i saw on the knot...

I don't know...I don't think either side was necessarily rude. Personally, if I'm not going to an event, I still send a gift and I don't think I'm in the minority so for her sister to think that she was going to do so was not outrageous. However, I think she probably caught the woman off guard and probably should have waited until the woman asked about sending a gift.

Re: something i saw on the knot...

I think the sister shouldn't have said anything about the guest sending a gift. She shouldn't have assumed the guest wanted to do that. I couldn't go to a shower recently but I had every intention of purchasing the bride something regardless. So I contacted her sister myself and asked where to send a gift. I always send gifts though if I can't attend.

Re: something i saw on the knot...

thats sort of how i feel... i think the sister probably should have waited to see if the guest asked where to send a gift before she said anything- especially if this was an older person, they might not be used to ho weddings and showers have become a huge production...

Re: something i saw on the knot...

The sister may not know how close the relationship is between the caller/guest and her own sister. But then again she shoudln't be assuming taht the guest would want to send a gift.

The guest has every right not to send a not gift if she's not attending. It really depends on how close the guest and sisters are.... Ie. I would send a gift if it's a relative (cousin, sister, sil) but not if it's just a friend.

Re: something i saw on the knot...

I had guests that didn't come to my shower but sent me a gift. I told think it was rude of the sister to say 'IF you WANT to....' it's not like she said 'well SEND her a gift'

Re: something i saw on the knot...

I think she could have worded it more politely. I would say something to the effect of: If you want to send a present my address is the one on the invitation, please send it there. And then say I am sorry you can't but thank you for responding.

Re: something i saw on the knot...

I don't know. Her sister maybe should have worded it better. She probably should have said 'if you were planning on sending a gift, you can send it to me and I'll make sure they get it.'

Re: something i saw on the knot...

i agree. many people would send a gift even if they are not attending. so it was not outrageous for the sister to think that might occur. but i agree that the sister might have waited for the question to have been asked first.

jmho

Re: something i saw on the knot...

I don't think the 'guest' was rude at all. I think it was a bit pretentious [sp?] of the sister to assume and request delivery of a gift. Many people simply don't know the 'rules' that state that if you are invited, you send a gift regardless of attendance. Showers are kind of like birthdays to a lot of people...usually if you don't attend the party, you don't send a gift. I know that when my daughter had her birthday party, 2 kids couldn't come. I was in shock 3 days later when 1 kid sent a gift!

If I had to pick the more wrong person in this situation, I'd have to say the sister. The guest could simply not know the 'rules' [which are crazy anyway] OR be having some $$ issues and purposely not attending b/c they can't afford a gift. Sounds nuts, but sometimes a $40 blender breaks some people. We never know everyone's situation.

Re: something i saw on the knot...

I think its Both! First it was the sister. She shouldn't have assumed that the person would be sending a gift when she wasn't coming to the shower....and The person could have been a little kinder with her words!

Re: something i saw on the knot...

I feel the sister should have never said anything...

Re: something i saw on the knot...

I agree-if you were planning on sending a gift is a much better way to say it.

Re: something i saw on the knot...

Weeell, I feel that the sister should not have assumed there was a gift being sent BUT if I were the guest, I would have just ignored that statement and gotten off the phone promptly.

Re: something i saw on the knot...

I personally wouldve never said anything about a gift if someone rsvp'd no... As far as a guest sending something anyway, in my family we ALWAYS send a gift, especially if we're close to the bride. BUT I don't think the guest was necessarily WRONG in saying that... I definatly think it was RUDE of her to be like- well I'm NOT coming so I'm NOT SPENDING MONEY ON THE COUPLE!!!!! that's just RUDE! But again, If I were the bride I wouldve never expected anything from soomeone that wasn't in attendance. This happened at my E-party, I recieved a few gifts after the party from people who couldnt make it and I was just blown away by it!
that's definatly a tough situation though!!

Re: something i saw on the knot...

i wouldn't have said something. if the guest wanted to send a gift, i'm sure they would have asked - who knows, maybe they rsvp'd no because they couldn't afford it. i think she was a little presumptuous.

that being said, i usually would send a gift to something like that.

Re: something i saw on the knot...

i think the sister was rude, there have been many posts here about gifts especially at the actual wedding, and one thought always comes through, never expect a gift
if the person is not going they don't have to send a gift, especially if they are not close, i have been invited to parties, not gone and did not send a gift, so if someone said that to me i would feel like not sending a gift for sure,

Re: something i saw on the knot...

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Posted by CLMon7906

I don't think the 'guest' was rude at all. I think it was a bit pretentious [sp?] of the sister to assume and request delivery of a gift. Many people simply don't know the 'rules' that state that if you are invited, you send a gift regardless of attendance. Showers are kind of like birthdays to a lot of people...usually if you don't attend the party, you don't send a gift. I know that when my daughter had her birthday party, 2 kids couldn't come. I was in shock 3 days later when 1 kid sent a gift!

If I had to pick the more wrong person in this situation, I'd have to say the sister. The guest could simply not know the 'rules' [which are crazy anyway] OR be having some $$ issues and purposely not attending b/c they can't afford a gift. Sounds nuts, but sometimes a $40 blender breaks some people. We never know everyone's situation.

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You said a mouthful........