NWR: How do you tell FH you don't agree with his plans for the future?

My FH HATES what he does now, it's good money, but obviously we prefer his happiness over that, so he has decided that he wants to move to Myrtle Beach and go to a golf college for a year and a half to get his associates and than go on to become a golf pro. I fully support his change in careers b/c he is great at teaching golf and he'll make a lot of money and ultimately he will be ecstatic, which will make our lives totally better. However I think that going to this golf school will be a waste of time and money and really hard on our marriage. After he's done with that, he will have to become an apprentice for 5 years with the PGA. I think it's a waste to go to the school and that he should just start becoming an apprentice. He is more of a hands on learner so the experience, rather than the book work will be better for him and he will be learning all of the same stuff. How do I tell him this? I don't want to crush him b/c I do fully support the career change, I just don't think that he's going about it the right way.... thanks!!!

Re: NWR: How do you tell FH you don't agree with his plans for the future?

I apologize in advance if I come across harsh but I don't think you should really tell him how to achieve his goals. Your feelings on it are one thing but maybe there is a reason why he wants to go to school. Perhaps you can have a talk with him to learn more about what his plans are, why these are his choices, and then sort of tell him your feelings. Telling a man what to do will not have a good end result JMHO. If this truely is his dream than I think you should be understanding of that. A solid marriage will survive a year and a half of school.

Re: NWR: How do you tell FH you don't agree with his plans for the future?

now, this is my honest opinion also -- so dont get offended either. Where do you fit in to all these plans?? did he think of you when he decided that he wanted to go to pro golf school? Do you want to move to myrtle beach? what will u do there for work?> To me a marriage is about compromise. I think u should compromise. Is there a way you can afford to live the way you would like while he is at school?> I think it is a great idea for him to go to golf school and live his dreams, just make sure you will stay happy and not resent him... stuff like that. fm me if you want to chat.

hth

Re: NWR: How do you tell FH you don't agree with his plans for the future?

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Posted by angnick

now, this is my honest opinion also -- so dont get offended either. Where do you fit in to all these plans?? did he think of you when he decided that he wanted to go to pro golf school? Do you want to move to myrtle beach? what will u do there for work?> To me a marriage is about compromise. I think u should compromise. Is there a way you can afford to live the way you would like while he is at school?> I think it is a great idea for him to go to golf school and live his dreams, just make sure you will stay happy and not resent him... stuff like that. fm me if you want to chat.

hth

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I couldn't agree more with this statement. You need to have a discussion with him about YOUR future... and I don't mean YOUR as in only you, I mean the both of you.

Re: NWR: How do you tell FH you don't agree with his plans for the future?

You guys really are going to need to sit down and prioritize... DH hated his job too, and what he wanted to do would be similar where he would have to go to school, which meant money we don't have, and then spend years not making any money while he built his career, which was not feasible because he has 2 daughters he needs to pay child support for, and we would never be able to have kids of our own....

Ultimately, we discussed this - his priority had to be to support the kids he has, and also he knew that I wanted a family and he did too - but if we had different priorities, it wouldn't have worked, plain and simple....

So he had to stay with a job he didn't like, but felt rewarded by being in a relationship and knowing he had a family he loved....

Not for nothing, but anyone who wants to be a pro at this stage of the game in anything - acting, music, or sports - has got to be realistic. For every pro out there, there are hundreds that dream of being pro and never make it. Sorry to be harsh, but thats the reality....

I hope you guys are able to talk it out and see whats going to work for everyone involved in this.... You get a say too - and picking up and moving your life and being away from your friends and family may not have been what you signed up for when he put that ring on your finger.....

Think long and hard and talk to each other!!!

Good luck!

Re: NWR: How do you tell FH you don't agree with his plans for the future?

Basically, if you are sure he can do what he wants w/ out the training, then make sure you can back it up with proof that he can get to where he wants to be on a shorter road. Be sure that's the case though. It's very important, not just for your marriage, but for his overall happiness, that he persues his goals as long as they lead to a stable future. Be supportive...that's your job.

ETA: I am coming from the other view though. I am still in school...I have 9 months left. Although we really aren't in the position to have only 1 income, he knows eventually I will be making a lot more later on and will be happier. I have also supported him in is pursuits too. We have both been in job we hated for a long time and we were miserably unhappy. Neither one of us wanted to look back and wonder 'what if'.

Re: NWR: How do you tell FH you don't agree with his plans for the future?

I also agree with the other girls.

Where are you in this picture? He wants to quit his job, go to school and get another job in 'a few years'. Then MAYBE he will make some money in a 'job' he does not have yet or may never be able to do/achieve.

1- Do you want to move?
2- Who is going to pay for the school?
3- Are you willing to pay for EVERYTHING since he won't have any money.

His goal is in a very long range. 'Several years' from what I read is very long commitment and sacrifice to you.

You guys need to talk about YOU in this picture.

As harsh as it's sound :

- If you have to go to school..... well you are not good enough.
- He will be travelling during his internship. Where will you be?
- Forget about starting a family.

I am all for changes and everything. I have been working in my field for years and make decent money. I just went to 3 years of school to do a career change..... so trust me... I know.

BUT it has to be realistic. Especially if there is a SO in his life.

Re: NWR: How do you tell FH you don't agree with his plans for the future?

when you say golf pro...do you mean a professional golfer as in like a tiger woods (but apparently not him)...or a golf pro at a course that gives golf lessons?

Re: NWR: How do you tell FH you don't agree with his plans for the future?

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Posted by Chrissywish

when you say golf pro...do you mean a professional golfer as in like a tiger woods (but apparently not him)...or a golf pro at a course that gives golf lessons?

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A golf pro that teaches you biomechanics and manages a golf course, not a professional golfer.

Thanks for everybody's input, I appreciate it! I do support him fully, that's not the issue. It's the fact that he has not done any research about this transition and he's just come to a conclusion. I don't think he realizes exactly what he has to do, which is why I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out how to show him all of the research I have done without him thinking that I am like squashing his dreams. I'll be staying in New York for those two years since I will be supporting him and they don't really have my particular job in South Carolina. Thanks again!

Re: NWR: How do you tell FH you don't agree with his plans for the future?

just sit down and discuss it with him - maybe he doesn't realize that he doesn't need to hang around a golf course for a year. personally, if i were you i'd just tell him that you don't think he needs to go there, that's he's good enough to just do the apprenticeship. it's the honest truth, right? he should be offended by that.

also, you do need to sit down and figure out finances and where your relationship factors in. quite honestly though, it'd be all for it. my dad's in a job that he hates and has been for all of my life. i hate seeing him so miserable. granted, he loves his family life and life outside work, but he still has to go somewhere he HATES everyday. fh also has a job he hates and even though it's temporary, it kills me everytime he has to leave to go there. i couldn't live with that my whole life, knowing he's unhappy. and now's the time to go for it if you're both young. =0)

good luck! =0)

Re: NWR: How do you tell FH you don't agree with his plans for the future?

If my FH did all of the things he had in mine we would be living on Mars in his home made space station that he built by using the Force and he would be a huge rock n, roll star. But the fact of the matter is he has bills, we a paying for our wedding and in the futrue we would like to start a family in a house we can call ours.
I know your FH dream is more beileveable but you really have to talk to him and ask him where does he see the both of you in his dream. If he can support you your family and the lifestyle your both going to be living then let him go to school and do what he wants to do.
My FH couldn't do it so he is just going to have to keep on dreaming.

Good luck

Re: NWR: How do you tell FH you don't agree with his plans for the future?

All I can say is be honest. If you hold in your feelings, it will come back to bite you in the a$$ later on.

That being said, I support my Fh in any and all endevors and would move to the end of the earth if he asked me and I know he would do the same for me.