Please tell me if this is too morbid (sorry long)

I had a very close aunt, like a mom to me who died about 4 years ago. If she was here she would be very involved in the wedding and a vital part of the ceremony etc. She loved parties and she is very sorely missed! I wanted to, instead of favors, put a little tent card on each table saying that instead of favors a donation in her memory has been given to Calvery hospital which is the hospice where she passed away. My FI said it is too morbid and that a lot of people would not even know who she was etc. My side of the family would know who she was. Then someone said if I do that then I am leaving out other people who passed away. But my aunt meant a lot more to me than just being an aunt. What do you think? I know I can remember her in my ceremony or in the program but I will be doing that for all of the deceased relatives. I wanted to do something special for her!

Re: Please tell me if this is too morbid (sorry long)

We made a donation in memory of both of our late fathers and used a scroll, not a table tent, to inform our guests. We attached the scroll to an organza bag w/ truffles.

I don't think it's too morbid at all. If it's something you feel strongly about, then you should do it.

Good luck.

Re: Please tell me if this is too morbid (sorry long)

It's not morbid! In fact it's sweet sentiment for someone who couldn't share the day with you. As for people not knowing who cares. They will just know that you donated money for a good cause. People don't go to weddings for favors. Do what's in your heart!

Re: Please tell me if this is too morbid (sorry long)

I think it is a wonderful idea and not only are you keeping her memory alive you are helping others who are going through a hard time. God Bless you.

Re: Please tell me if this is too morbid (sorry long)

I think it's a beautiful way to include your Aunt in your wedding.
I wouldn't worry about it being morbid or if people get insulted that you aren't doing it for everyone that has passed in both your families. I think it's a very special and beautiful idea.

Good Luck.

Nancy

Re: Please tell me if this is too morbid (sorry long)

I think it's a great way to honor your aunt. I know a lot of people who made charitable donations in lieu of favors.

Re: Please tell me if this is too morbid (sorry long)

I don't think it is morbid, but a loving tribute to a special person. We attended a wedding in July where the bride and groom made donations in leiu (sp?) of favors to her late husband's memorial scholarship fund (he was NYPD killed in the line of duty)

Re: Please tell me if this is too morbid (sorry long)

My friend had a brother who passed away year before her wedding at the age of 25. She was very very close to him and it was a very tragic event.

She made donations in his name in lieu of favors. She made scrolls with a picure of the couple and the brother with a beautifully written saying. When I first saw this and went to open it, I braced myself thinking it would make me cry...but it didn't it totally made me smile. I think it is totally in the presentation. It can be done wonderfully.

She had a candle on the alter lit in his memory and dedicated the alter flowers to all others who have passed away (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.). This was written up in the ceremony program.

This person is someone very important and special to you and a rememberance in this was is special not morbid.

Re: Please tell me if this is too morbid (sorry long)

Is it morbid- I don't think morbid is the right word.
Many people have different positions of the whole 'donation' idea of a favor. Some think it is not 'right' to make a donation for anyother person to a charity they may or may not want to contribute to, others feel that guests should have their own favor, while some others love the idea.

Both of my grandmothers passed away almost 4 years ago and I am still heartbroken everyday. I was very, very close to them and it just plain ****s that they will not be with me on my wedding day so I know how you feel. I decided against the donation idea as a favor. I feel that donations are a personal decision, not something I can decide for over 100 guests BUT that is JMO. I have decided to include my grandmothers in very private ways, instead of public ones. My FH also lost many people in his family and I think it would be very difficult to justify honoring only MY grandmothers, so I see your FH's point.
Here is what I am doing to 'include' my grandmothers in my day: I am wearing my Nanny's diamond cross, carrying the prayer book my grandmother and mom carried the day that got married, giving my mother a butterfly hankie (her mom loved butterflies), having the Ava Maria played (instrumental only) while the mother walk down the aisle since it was my nanny's favoriate song and it would have been played at my wedding if she were alive. I also had a mass said for each of my grandmothers in the Church where I am getting married a few months ago, to sorta bring them into the church- if that makes any sense.
So I DO think you should honor your Aunt. I think you should include her in your special day. But in private ways instead. Consider making a donation to the hospice but not making it part of the wedding favors. It doesn't have to be public for people to know you loved her. Those who love you, know how much you loved her and how much you miss her.

Re: Please tell me if this is too morbid (sorry long)

I think that is beautiful.. I will be having my nanna's favorite flowers (gardenias) in my bouquet to memorialize her and a something dedicated to her in my ceremony program...

Honey, it's your day, do what you feel is right and what you feel will allow you to rememebr her and make her a part of your sepcial

Re: Please tell me if this is too morbid (sorry long)

I don't think it's morbid at all. It may be hard for your FH to understand how you can single out your aunt when others in the family have passed along also. I think a donation is nice, but maybe there's something special that you can do that can be solely for your aunt. Maybe placing a flower from your bouquet or leaving the bouquet at the cemetary would be an idea. Good luck.

Re: Please tell me if this is too morbid (sorry long)

I had to reply to this. I think it is a great way to honor that person on your special day. My FH father passed away of cancer last year and we are making a donation to the American Cancer Assoc. and will attach this saying to a bag of kisses. There are other favors that we like but there is no way we would do it any other way!