FMIL finally responded

maybe you recall (or maybe you don't) but I recently posted my hair and make-up trial pics. My mom said I should make more of an effort to include my non-responsive, practically comatose, FMIL. So I emailed her pics of the trial (this after I called to wish her a happy mother's day) and basically told her how excited I was about the trial and how it's not perfect because I plan to cut my bangs and whatever but that it's a great start.

She finally responds -- she hates the curls and thinks the make-up makes me look 'tired and old'

wow

and she added 'no offense, of course'

I really think she hates me


I think I didn't have good self-esteem and if I really cared what she thought about me, I would be devastated. I'm a little hurt, of course, because I think that trial is the best I've looked in a long time and she basically told me I looked like sh!t

I know I'm not marrying his family but lately I feel like this is a deal breaker. Can I put up with this crap for the rest of my life? What's going to happen when and if we have kids?

Re: FMIL finally responded

Ok first um yeah I love your hair and makeup. You look great. The hell with her!

Re: FMIL finally responded

I'm sorry she's being a bi@tch.,..there was no nice way of me putting that one. Just ignore her.

Are she and your FH really close? Does she affect your relationship with FH (arguements, disagreements)??

Sometimes mothers have an especially hard time of letting go of their boys and will NEVER think that anyone is good enough for them. I think if you understand that you'll be OK going forward, because you'll know iher meaness comes from there.

Re: FMIL finally responded

Don't let her get to you...that was really rude of her, especially since your trying to include her in your plans. Did you tell FH? maybe he should have a talk with her.

Re: FMIL finally responded

---

Posted by bluekat16

I'm sorry she's being a bi@tch.,..there was no nice way of me putting that one. Just ignore her.

Are she and your FH really close? Does she affect your relationship with FH (arguements, disagreements)??

Sometimes mothers have an especially hard time of letting go of their boys and will NEVER think that anyone is good enough for them. I think if you understand that you'll be OK going forward, because you'll know iher meaness comes from there.

---

she never gets involved. never bothers with anything -- all of my invitations for dinner have been turned down. I've invited her over for every major holiday and asked her if she wanted to come with me to the museum and the ballet. nothing -- no response. and now this? I'm going to forward the email to FH. I was going to keep it to myself but we're not even married yet and already I'm sick of her.

Re: FMIL finally responded

---

Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

---

Posted by bluekat16

I'm sorry she's being a bi@tch.,..there was no nice way of me putting that one. Just ignore her.

Are she and your FH really close? Does she affect your relationship with FH (arguements, disagreements)??

Sometimes mothers have an especially hard time of letting go of their boys and will NEVER think that anyone is good enough for them. I think if you understand that you'll be OK going forward, because you'll know iher meaness comes from there.

---

she never gets involved. never bothers with anything -- all of my invitations for dinner have been turned down. I've invited her over for every major holiday and asked her if she wanted to come with me to the museum and the ballet. nothing -- no response. and now this? I'm going to forward the email to FH. I was going to keep it to myself but we're not even married yet and already I'm sick of her.

---

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Have you tried to talk to her about it? As in, sending her an email saying, Wow, I thought I looked really nice, and so does everyone I show the pictures to. I was trying to include you in the wedding plans but I guess I shouldn't have.

OR

Go a little deeper, tell her you are hurt by her comments and that you are also hurt that she has turned down all invitations for dinner, outings, etc. Tell her you wanted to create a relationship with the mother of the person you are marrying, but if she doesn't want one, you will stop trying and get the point.

I don't know if you are that forward, or what she is like - will that start a war? Maybe FH can just tell her how hurt you are, and ask her thto be a little nicer (or civil, even, if not nice)?

Again, soooo sorry you have to deal with this.

Re: FMIL finally responded

---

Posted by JBoothIn2008

---

Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

---

Posted by bluekat16

I'm sorry she's being a bi@tch.,..there was no nice way of me putting that one. Just ignore her.

Are she and your FH really close? Does she affect your relationship with FH (arguements, disagreements)??

Sometimes mothers have an especially hard time of letting go of their boys and will NEVER think that anyone is good enough for them. I think if you understand that you'll be OK going forward, because you'll know iher meaness comes from there.

---

she never gets involved. never bothers with anything -- all of my invitations for dinner have been turned down. I've invited her over for every major holiday and asked her if she wanted to come with me to the museum and the ballet. nothing -- no response. and now this? I'm going to forward the email to FH. I was going to keep it to myself but we're not even married yet and already I'm sick of her.

---

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Have you tried to talk to her about it? As in, sending her an email saying, Wow, I thought I looked really nice, and so does everyone I show the pictures to. I was trying to include you in the wedding plans but I guess I shouldn't have.

OR

Go a little deeper, tell her you are hurt by her comments and that you are also hurt that she has turned down all invitations for dinner, outings, etc. Tell her you wanted to create a relationship with the mother of the person you are marrying, but if she doesn't want one, you will stop trying and get the point.

I don't know if you are that forward, or what she is like - will that start a war? Maybe FH can just tell her how hurt you are, and ask her thto be a little nicer (or civil, even, if not nice)?

Again, soooo sorry you have to deal with this.

---

I never pressed her or brought it up because she was in remission for breast cancer and I didn't want to stress her out. Then she found a lump on her other breast and had the entire thing removed just to be on the safe side. I was going to talk to her about it but it seemed so petty.
That was two years ago -- she's healthy now.
There won't be a war but FH will never bring this up and ask her to cut the crap.
Honestly, this makes me not want to marry into this family. I don't need the stress and i don't need someone making me feel like I'm not good enough. Life is too short for that

Re: FMIL finally responded

---

Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

---

Posted by JBoothIn2008

---

Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

---

Posted by bluekat16

I'm sorry she's being a bi@tch.,..there was no nice way of me putting that one. Just ignore her.

Are she and your FH really close? Does she affect your relationship with FH (arguements, disagreements)??

Sometimes mothers have an especially hard time of letting go of their boys and will NEVER think that anyone is good enough for them. I think if you understand that you'll be OK going forward, because you'll know iher meaness comes from there.

---

she never gets involved. never bothers with anything -- all of my invitations for dinner have been turned down. I've invited her over for every major holiday and asked her if she wanted to come with me to the museum and the ballet. nothing -- no response. and now this? I'm going to forward the email to FH. I was going to keep it to myself but we're not even married yet and already I'm sick of her.

---

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Have you tried to talk to her about it? As in, sending her an email saying, Wow, I thought I looked really nice, and so does everyone I show the pictures to. I was trying to include you in the wedding plans but I guess I shouldn't have.

OR

Go a little deeper, tell her you are hurt by her comments and that you are also hurt that she has turned down all invitations for dinner, outings, etc. Tell her you wanted to create a relationship with the mother of the person you are marrying, but if she doesn't want one, you will stop trying and get the point.

I don't know if you are that forward, or what she is like - will that start a war? Maybe FH can just tell her how hurt you are, and ask her thto be a little nicer (or civil, even, if not nice)?

Again, soooo sorry you have to deal with this.

---

I never pressed her or brought it up because she was in remission for breast cancer and I didn't want to stress her out. Then she found a lump on her other breast and had the entire thing removed just to be on the safe side. I was going to talk to her about it but it seemed so petty.
That was two years ago -- she's healthy now.
There won't be a war but FH will never bring this up and ask her to cut the crap.
Honestly, this makes me not want to marry into this family. I don't need the stress and i don't need someone making me feel like I'm not good enough. Life is too short for that

---

I think you need to say something to her. You love your FH, don't let that ruin your marriage or your plans. Tell her she is hurting you. Is this just the way she is, however? Is she a snotty person to begin with? If so, then you may have to take it for what it is and just try to not invite her places, etc. It's hard - I know. But maybe she doesn't realize it. She sounds like she may not be the emotional type - will it bother her if you tell her you've been hurt by her actions? Will it even matter if you talk to her? Either way, I do think you need to say something to her to make YOURSELF feel better. Get it off your chest, either in an email or in person.

Good luck!

Re: FMIL finally responded

thank you -- i think you're right. Thanks for listening.

Re: FMIL finally responded

---

Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

thank you -- i think you're right. Thanks for listening.

---

Anytime!

Re: FMIL finally responded

---

Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri



I know I'm not marrying his family but lately I feel like this is a deal breaker. Can I put up with this crap for the rest of my life? What's going to happen when and if we have kids?

---

Yes when you marry a man you marry his entire family.

I am so sorry she is upsetting you like that...i would be completely pisssed off, honestly you have to talk to your FH about what she said and that she hurt your feelings

delete

Re: FMIL finally responded

OMG shes totally wrong.

Re: FMIL finally responded

Aw, that's just rude. How are you not supposed to take offense to that? I guess maybe you should just take it where it's coming from. I understand though...I would be hurt too. But, remember all of the compliments you did get...try not to let her take that away from you.

Re: FMIL finally responded

update: I e-mailed the e-mail she sent me to FH.

He came over to our bedroom and apologized on her behalf -- then I lost it because I asked him months ago to sit down with his parents and ask them how they felt about the wedding so that I would know where I stand. He never did it, of course

Re: FMIL finally responded

---

Posted by Gigi08

Aw, that's just rude. How are you not supposed to take offense to that? I guess maybe you should just take it where it's coming from. I understand though...I would be hurt too. But, remember all of the compliments you did get...try not to let her take that away from you.

---

honestly, I'm realistic. I know I'm not the prettiest girl on the planet and I wasn't really looking for her to compliment me, honestly. It was about sharing my excitement. She's a killjoy.
FH and I got into it because if someone in my family was treating him like sh!t I would find out why and take care of it -- because he's important to me, because I'm marrying him and some day he will be the father of my children

but that's just me, I guess

Re: FMIL finally responded

omg I am so sorry she said that- that would be the last thing that would ever come to mind about your trial you look flawless both hair & make-up bring out such an elegant look and I am not just saying that

Re: FMIL finally responded

OMG what a B I T C H! And I thought my FMIL was bad!

I would tell your FH, something should be done... he should talk to her about the way she's treating you, it's definately wrong

Re: FMIL finally responded

Corina your hair and makeup was beautiful! Lets you and I ship our FMIL's to a remote island and we can both live happily ever after

Re: FMIL finally responded

Wow that wasn't very nice. I'm sorry for you having to deal with that. I thought your trial was beautiful!