Okay ladies, I'm "almost" to this board....

Hi ladies! I'm "new" to the 09 boards but I'm a long timer here at LIW. This will be my 2nd wedding (married in 2000, filed for divorce in 2006, waiting on the judge's signature). My STBF and I have not gotten officially engaged because the papers are not signed off and he wants to do it right, but the wedding is a go. We've done alot of the preliminary stuff (location, etc.). Here's my dilemna:

Since this is my 2nd time around, I have very mixed emotions about the whole thing. Originally I didn't want the whole blown out event; the idea of having a 2nd wedding made me ill. I didn't really enjoy my 1st wedding day (due to massive in law drama throughout the planning and on my day) so I wanted something low key. But since this is his 1st, he wants something memorable and I get that. Honestly his happiness and enjoyment of the day outweigh my potential anxiety over the wedding. It's not the ceremony I'm scared of, it's the whole "Whose sitting where?? Why can't cousin Joey bring his girlfriend of five seconds??" type of crap that I don't want to deal with. We're both unique and a little off center sometimes with our ideas, and since Halloween is bigger to us than Christmas, we decided to have a Halloween themed wedding. I was in love with the idea because it could be fun AND take away that center of attention anxiety I'm having. I could look at it like one big Halloween bash that we just so happened to be getting married at. Sounds good, right? Well, not exactly....

HIS parents/family are throwing a fit. They feel that we should have this subdued, formal affair and look like the A typical bride and groom on top of the cake. His father (especially) feels that if we make it costume optional, no one will take the cermony seriously (we're getting married at the hall because neither one of us is deeply religious). His father has gone as far as saying he won't be there. Me being in a pissy mood told him that's fine, but how sad for him that he'll be missing his son's special day. His younger brother is getting married in August 2009 and is having the blown out affair the father can be proud of For us, we're about the fun! It sems like alot of times, his family is into the "show" of things and that's not my scene. Now the family drama is no where near what I went through with STBX...but it still has me upset. I don't feel at 34 and 36 we need to justify what and how we're doing things to anyone. And I refuse (like the last time) to cater to the demands of people who are NOT contributing to this event. This time, it's all about us! So tell me, am I totally being a selfish person or should I take their considerations to heart? It's not like Halloween is going to throw up all over our reception; I was thinking of small details, like Pumpkin centerpieces w/mums, fall colors, etc. Of course we want to walk in to the theme song of "Halloween" but we didn't tell them that!

Am I getting worked up over nothing?

Re: Okay ladies, I'm "almost" to this board....

this wedding is about you and your FH..... and it has to make the two of you HAPPPPY.........If your FH wants something like a halloween wedding with all the trimmings....then I don't see why it's a big deal. I see why his parents are thinking the more TRADITIONAL ROUTE... because that's probably just the "image" of weddings they have........however, it's about you 2.... and you have to make sure that the two of you are HAPPY with it.... its your day.. no one elses!!! I am learning that lesson VERY QUICKLY

Re: Okay ladies, I'm "almost" to this board....

welcome to the boards!

maybe a day of cooridnator would be in your best interest if you are not that into planning!

remember its your day....you can do it how you want it done!

Re: Okay ladies, I'm "almost" to this board....

That's really horrible that his family is doing that. But you know what, it's not up to them to plan your wedding. It's about you and FH. If you want a Halloween themed wedding go for it! I bet you anything they'll put up a fight and when the actual day happens and everyone else is having such a good time with a unique celebration, they will too.

And your FFIL, if he doesn't come to the wedding (which in the long run, I doubt will be the case) he'll regret it for the rest of his life.

Re: Okay ladies, I'm "almost" to this board....

Welcome to the boards! I'm getting married on Halloween and can give you a ton of ideas if you need any. I agree with Colleen about the day or coordinator - that might relieve a lot of your stress.

Re: Okay ladies, I'm "almost" to this board....

you have FM

Re: Okay ladies, I'm "almost" to this board....

HI! I think a Halloween wedding would be great fun! if you both want a Halloween wedding then thats what you should have! Its your day and none should dictate what kind of wedding you should or shouldnt have! Good luck!