How did you life change most after the baby?

I always like to hear from 'experience'. How did you life change once your bundle of joy arrived? Did you marriage change? What about your friendships? Your career.

Re: How did you life change most after the baby?

Michele-
perfect timing for this question for me--Last night I said to Dh I love our life--what is it going to be like after kids-- we went to bed early and just layed there talking--I love those times-- how do you know when you are ready-- since obviously you can go back-- we originally said about 5 years-- well we are hitting the 2 year mark and are planning on trying-- starting to think about waiting longer--but again that goes back to what if it takes us a year once we start--
Why do we get so used to being able to plan all aspects of our lives--that is truly the hardest part for me--no control!!!!!
Any insight from the BTDT group?

Re: How did you life change most after the baby?

I stopped sleeping, It now takes me 1/2 an hour to leave the house with Emma because I have to get her ready and make sure I dont forget anything even if Im leaving the house for an hour. I've never held someone in my arms for HOURS and was completly happy.
Were not married, yet, but things can get tough. Since Im home with Emma all day I want free time when Derek gets home. He wants time to unwind he says 'I've worked all day' I say 'I've been working 24-7 for the past 8 months'. Sex happens occasionally (like 3-4 times a week, MAYBE) It makes me feel like I made the right decision, hes a GREAT father.
Im one of the ones with a baby out of all my friends. They love seeing her but I rarely go out with them. I find myself talking more with strangers who have babies around Emmas age.
No career anymore. Im a SAHM. BUT I am looking into getting a job where I can take Emma with me. I cant stand to be away from her.

Re: How did you life change most after the baby?

Life has changed just in that alot of my 'free time' is no longer 'free time'... I really never went through PPD, I enjoy being home with him and holding him all day (Even though he's getting sooo used to it, that he cries if he sees me walk away ) Sometimes I get cabin fever, but thats just me. I was always that way, even before baby. I have to get out, shop, keep busy, socialize.

But I will always have that ambition to pursue a career, and be a productive individual, and thats why I am finishing up my Masters to teach, and changing careers now that I am starting a family.

Karen-all I can think of where you can work and take her with you is a YMCA (if they let you leave her in the daycare), a gym, or a daycare. I was looking into these part time, just to get out of the house a little while I am pursuing my Masters and getting certification to be able to start teaching.

Re: How did you life change most after the baby?

Kptoys is on the money!!!

I'm in my pj's by 8:00. Nothing makes me happier then in the evenings when my FH & son are playing on the floor! My FH took to fatherhood right away!! Which I thank-God because I have 2 friends whose husbands are not so into it! Some friends don't call that often (or at all) But we try to make a Mommies night out or we do play dates. But the funny thing is I can't imagine what my life would be like w/out him! He is the BEST gift I was ever given!! (Even when he is climbing on EVERYTHING & making a mess!! )

Re: How did you life change most after the baby?

I have to add.

Ladies, dont postpone it, or think too hard about it.

You will alter your life in whatever way you need to once this baby arrives. No high-paying job, or trip around the world can be exchanged for the gift of motherhood.

People said this about marriage too, right ? That your life changes, and its so hard to adjust...
Just roll with it !... You'd be surprised how motherly instincts kick in, even if youve never changed a diaper before. Its the best thing in the world !

Yes, leaving the house, requires a 45minute checklist of preparing the diaper bag and meals and extra changes of clothes. Yes, your new boss is now a few months old ! Yes, every decision you make, you will put this little one first, and then make the decision, whatever the decision may be.
Yes, you will WANT to stay home and tickle his feet rather than go to your favorite restaurant...
Things change, its a way of life. Just like your 'singles-dating scene' changed once you got married because you found the love of your life, can you imagine another LOVE in your life ?
A love that strong, or maybe even stronger ?
A love that takes your breath away and can make your heart skip a beat ???

IF you are still thinking about it, then give yourself time. BUt I really dont think its something that you say 'ok, i'm ready lets go'...
Pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood are all something you must go through to understand. All the books, prep courses and friendly advice in the world cannot prepare you.

HUGS and BABY DUST !!!

Re: How did you life change most after the baby?

Anna - How true EVERYTHING you said is.

HAVE BABIES EVERYONE
Experience the joy

Re: How did you life change most after the baby?

Anna
as always your posts really hit home
I 'feel' we are ready-- it is just the scary part of it all!!!!which I guess goes away after 18-20 years right??!!!
Laura

Re: How did you life change most after the baby?

Anna, I am actually sitting here with tears in my eyes reading your post, because believe it or not, just knowing my little peanut is in there , my love for this child I haven't met yet is overwhelming!!!

Thanks for sharing.

Re: How did you life change most after the baby?

I am in bed by 10:00 every night and up at 700. The thing that changed the most is that you are on a shedule. Baby needs too be fed around the same time every day plus snacks and bottle. But I wouldnt give it up for the world. The best is when first thing in the morning I bring Alex into bed to wake up her daddy. He loves it and she loves it. It sets the tone of the day. The only other thing is that your freedom is lost. No running to dairy barn for something on a whim, and plans are more difficult to make. But it is great. I am in love with my little gril and would not change a thing.

Re: How did you life change most after the baby?

Laura, I think youre ready !
(and what kind of expert am I to say that ? LOL)

A few of my friends have said that they want to wait till they can afford a house because their apartments are too small. We can all go into what we would like 'in a perfect world' to have just the 'perfect' preparations to start a family.
Our whole to-do list of home renovation/remodeling projects has been re-arranged and re-prioritized because of the baby. His room, his playroom, safety gates for the pool, everything for him naturally works its way to the top. I can live without sliding doors to the pool, a gameroom, and new windows and new siding (and the list goes on and on!!) till everything for the baby is set !

HUGS HUGS !!

Re: How did you life change most after the baby?

Anna, my friend...

'Pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood are all something you must go through to understand. All the books, prep courses and friendly advice in the world cannot prepare you.'

Truer words cannot be spoken!

Edited to say - Anna, sorry if I disappointed you! LOL!

If I had to think of something to add to your comments about having a child, I'd say that you have to be open to learning something new about yourself, your DH and your baby everyday. You could consider yourself a very smart and independent person, but a very small human can bring you to your knees in an instant.

I have experienced the gammet of emotions since Paul was born and I have a new experience with him everyday. I never thought that I'd also experience such a conflict in personal direction, either. I thought I'd enjoy leaving my miserable job, but there are days that I miss it. I never thought I'd enjoy staying home, but there are days that I love it. I think having a child after you've built a solid career is a difficult adjustment to make - especially if you don't go back to work right away.

As far as my marriage, I don't think that I expected to be awed by Jeff's love and compassion for this child. Our marriage has grown in ways that I couldn't have anticipated. We've always had goals that we share for our future, but none make us more passionate and driven as Paul right now. Little things that Paul does for the first time really move my hubby to tears sometimes. It's so amazingly touching and makes me realize again and again why we fell in love in the first place. I am very lucky that Jeff is as supportive as he is, too. He is willing to take on so much - even when he's tired - just to give me some space or a break away from the baby.

Okay, Anna - now you've got me babbling uncontrollably!

Re: How did you life change most after the baby?

Claud, back atcha

Edited to add: Claud when I saw your name on the reply column, I was anxious to read one of your ever-so-long (I might have competition!) responses !!!

Re: How did you life change most after the baby?

Michele, thanks for posting this.

Everyone who responded, you just made me realize even more that I can't wait to be a mom!! It's getting more and more real the last couple of weeks, and I definitely feel more of a bond with my baby now. It's hard to live in the moment during my pregnancy, since I just can't wait to hold my baby and look into his/her eyes for the first time!

Re: How did you life change most after the baby?

My biggest concern is going back to work (someday). While I know that it is hard to transition to the SAHM status, I am ready to be a SAHW (Stay at home wife ) now. Work just doesn't have the same 'something' that it used to have for me and leaving a baby will make it twice as hard to go.
Of course my fingers are crossed that I cut down my hours someday.

Thanks for the postings girls.

what's different? (long sorry!)

- No longer able to run out to have a meal at a restaurant, even if it is local. everything, it seems, must b timed on Julianne.

- No longer able to join our friends on in impromptu get together- (dinner, movie). I actually listen to the guys making their plans on our club repeater ( my hubby and I are amatuer radio operators) and I become a bit sad and jealous that we cant join them. Sitting down for dinner after 8pm w/ the baby is not possible!

- No longer able to go to sleep when I want to. Again, if J isn't asleep, momma cant sleep. Daddy is still working on this task.

- no longer able to arbitrarily decide what to wear...not possible for BF moms. have to always see if the nursing pads are visible and if J can get to her food supply easily. ( havent started pumping yet)

-Now I know who 'the wiggles' are...and Roly Poly Olie

-Didn't know the MEANING of being tired like this...and how it can be wiped out by one simple smile from my girl.

- self confidence ebbs and flows. Some days I'm the MOMMA !!!, some days I'm the confused chick wondering what the heck is going on?

-work? Never thought I would miss the day to day interaction of the grind....having adult conversation during the day.

- wondering how I am going to juggle 2am feedings and a full work day? (and a midnight feeding and maybe a 5am feeding)

-Depths of emotions. Realizing that my little one is NEVER going to see or be able to visit the Twin Towers . My dad workied on that building- on the observation deck..and had signed his name in the plaster in one corner. He is gone and so are those buildings....Never being able to ask MY mom how was I when I was Julianne;s age and how she felt when I came home the first time.....

....and I can't wait to hear what Julianne's voice will sound like!

Sorry for the sappiness- I guess that is ALSO part of motherhood!

Re: what's different? (long sorry!)

'self confidence ebbs and flows. Some days I'm the MOMMA !!!, some days I'm the confused chick wondering what the heck is going on?'


SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: what's different? (long sorry!)

Ditto!

And Phyl, You are allowed to be sappy...it's part of a Mom's job description!

thanks gals- I'm blushing

thanks for your support....some days are insanity!

Re: For moms and moms to be

BEING A MOTHER . . .
We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of 'starting a family.” “We’re taking a survey,” she says, half-joking. 'Do you think I should have a baby?' 'It will change your life,' I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. 'I know,' she says, 'no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations....'But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her.

I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, 'What if that had been MY child?' That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of 'Mom!” will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years - not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. 'You'll never regret it,' I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed gift from God. That of being a Mother.

~ Author Unknown