Mom vent-kinda long

I hate to be such a downer on the day after thanksgiving but I really need to get this off my chest.

I live with my brother and with my mom (although she is never at home because she spends most of her time at her boyfriends house in Brooklyn)-her boyfriend is not my favorite person in the world either.

So at the beginning of this month my FH and I got our first apartment together. Since FH and I became engaged in May of this year I told her that I would be moving out at the end of the year. Since my brother is trying to take some college classes and works in roofing, he has not been able to contribute much towards the rent.

When FH and I started looking for apts together I spoke with my mom-we discussed our options, whether we should get a smaller apartment just for my brother and we both agreed that she would keep the apartment and pay the rent together with my brother.

I told her that I would help her if she came up short with money but that she needed to make sure that everything was going to be paid on time. She has a full time job, and makes enough to cover everything and she said no problem, just let her know when I was moving out.

FH and I put down the deposit on our apt together at the beginning of November and I gave my mom $500.00 to help her out towards the rent. I also still have to pay for all the bills, utilities at the apt. because she said that she was not going to.

I got a call from the landlord this morning saying that my mom is not answering her phone and he wants to know when he would be receiving the rent for November. I call my mom and she said she doesnt give a s**t and that she never agreed to pay the rent for the apartment. She then went on a rant about FH and how she hates him.

She has not contributed a penny towards anything for the wedding and I have not asked her too, but she doesnt even seem to care about our wedding. She refused to come and visit our new apartment. She even cancelled on me to go dress shopping an hour before the appointment and I ended up going alone.

She has a full time job but expects me to pay for everything. When I tell her that I cant afford something and I have to pay for things for the wedding, she says-oh I dont care. FH is 'forcing you to get married'. This is from out of the blue, since she always loved FH. Since my new apartment does not allow any animals, I cant even have my brother stay with me as he has two dogs.

I'm so stressed out right now. I'm still paying all the utilities at my mom's apartment, I have to pay my own rent, FH and I need to put another payment towards the Hall next month and towards our DJ and I cant deal with her acting like this. FH thinks that we should all sit down together but my mom refuses. I just want to enjoy moving in together and being engaged and my mom is making everything so stressful.

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

Maybe this sounds harsh, but I would just stop paying for things for your mom.

It seems like she does have enough to actually pay for it, and if you cut her off financially, she is going to have to do just that.

Sorry you're dealing with this hun

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

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Posted by JAAMS

Maybe this sounds harsh, but I would just stop paying for things for your mom.

It seems like she does have enough to actually pay for it, and if you cut her off financially, she is going to have to do just that.

Sorry you're dealing with this hun

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ITA with this. I just know that you're probably worried about your brother, but I feel like you have too much going on right now in your own life to worry about that too.

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

Thanks girls...-I need the honesty. I really want to focus on all the positive things going on in my life right now and not have to deal with her.

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

i'm so sorry you are going through this. FH is going through the same exact thing with his mom (financial situation) and it's so rough. FH gave her a heads up and she knows that once summer comes he will be out and no longer contributing. You just gotta do what you gotta do sometimes, it's difficult but she (hopefully) will understand one day.

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. I hope everything works out.

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

This is horrible. You should just stop paying these things for you mother. She's taking advantage of the fact that you don't want to leave your brother without a place to live and with no lights but for the love of god she's the parent she needs to be a little more responsible. It's not wrong that you're moving on with your life, she's not being the least bit fair. Just tell her the well has dried up and you need money for your wedding and your apartment and you're not going to keep paying her bills.

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

This is difficult, esp. since we (LIW) don't know the whole history of you and your mom. I am sure you've tried talking to her about this before, and I just hope that FH is being very supportive and a good listener through it all.

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

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Posted by JAAMS

Maybe this sounds harsh, but I would just stop paying for things for your mom.

It seems like she does have enough to actually pay for it, and if you cut her off financially, she is going to have to do just that.

Sorry you're dealing with this hun

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I agree. If you say she can afford it then let her pay for her bills. It's not fair... I am having mom problems too right now so i can sympathize. You guys have waited to live together and now its time to enjoy it.... It's hard not to feel guilty but u have to do what's best for you and FH now.... Hope it all works out

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

Your mom is being unfair. It's nice of you to help her and she's taking advantage. You shouldn't have to pay for things when she lives there. What is she going to do if she gets kicked out. I wish I had good advice. Good luck!!

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

That's terrible! I am sorry this is happening to you at such a stressful time already. I have to agree with the girls who said it's time to cut her off! I don't know the whole situation but as long as she is working and able to work, she should be able to take responsibility for her life, bills and apt! Can your brother help her by contributing at all?

It will all work out... stay strong in your convictions. This should be a great time for you, living with FH and planning your wedding! Let it be!

Good luck!

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

Im so sorry that u have to deal with all this! what a horrible and stressful situation i really hope it all works out. i agree with ur FH that it would be a good idea for all of u to sit down and hash this all out....good luck with everything

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

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Posted by JAAMS

Maybe this sounds harsh, but I would just stop paying for things for your mom.

It seems like she does have enough to actually pay for it, and if you cut her off financially, she is going to have to do just that.

Sorry you're dealing with this hun

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ITA with this. You're dealing with enough in your life right now.

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

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Posted by GinaRandy2010

This is horrible. You should just stop paying these things for you mother. She's taking advantage of the fact that you don't want to leave your brother without a place to live and with no lights but for the love of god she's the parent she needs to be a little more responsible. It's not wrong that you're moving on with your life, she's not being the least bit fair. Just tell her the well has dried up and you need money for your wedding and your apartment and you're not going to keep paying her bills.

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well said gina- i agree100%

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

I kinda agree with the stop paying for things treatment. Im one of the FH's on here and if I came across a situation like this I would be just as distraught and frustrated as you are. The thing to remember is that you and your FH are trying to start your own lives together. If your mom doesnt care or understand the importance of it then it's time to cut her needs and wants out of the picture. It seems to me like she has already forgotten about your needs and wants as an individual, bride to be, and daughter. It's not your responsibility to pay for her apt when you dont live there, the bills arent yours, and she is shackin it up with her BF.

IMO...

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

Im sorry your going through this - My mother is similar and I'll be honest - no matter how much you give its never enough. This is your time so try to make yourself happy and if your mom cares she'll come around!

Re: Mom vent-kinda long

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Posted by JAAMS

Maybe this sounds harsh, but I would just stop paying for things for your mom.

It seems like she does have enough to actually pay for it, and if you cut her off financially, she is going to have to do just that.

Sorry you're dealing with this hun

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i agree