Looking for some tips on coming home with baby

Scott and I have been discussing coming home with the baby. I was concerned that his family (ALL from MA) would try to arrive at our home that first week or so and expect that since we have the room they can just sleep here in order to see the baby. I told him a) anyone who comes MUST go home or sleep in a hotel. I do NOT want overnight guests in the house and b) I don't want the kids coming and running around (which is perfectly normal for a 4 and 7 year old to) all day and c) I do not want to entertain guests- meaning that I don't want to have to make sure people have food and something to do all day.

Of course, my family is very close by and I am sure will be here but they a) bring food for us b)go home at night c) help clean etc.....

I am looking for some tips on how to handle out of town family who might want to come to see the baby, which I TOTALLY understand. How do I explain that I don't want house guests when I am first coming home with our baby? I know they will just say 'We will be no trouble at all. Don't worry about us. We will just get dinner ourselves' etc..etc.. But that is NOT what I really want.

Re: Looking for some tips on coming home with baby

I had the same feelings as you before Emma was born. His parents live 5 hours away and wanted to be here on my due date and wait for her to be born. All along I kept saying I want to be here with my family. My new family, just us, they can stay at a hotel and just come and visit. Well... they wound up being house guests. They were here for a WEEK!!! I have to tell you after I came home with the baby it was nice to have some extra hands. Instead of you waiting on them they wait on you. If you need something for the baby they get it for you.

And although your family is close and his family is far away I dont think it is fair to make it more difficult for them to see the new baby.

I completly undetstand your feelings of wanting to be alone but the extra help may be nice.

Re: Looking for some tips on coming home with baby

I dont think anyone in their right mind would sleep over a new moms home as soon as she gets home from the hospital. I would hope not.
Its understandable that theyd want to see the baby, but I hope they will realize the adjustment you will be going through, and rest you will need and the privacy.

most things that are major factors (AKA 'good excuses to use') when asking people nicely not to stay forever or not to sleep over.

-We are going to be on the baby's schedule, which means you may want to sleep all day, since you will be up all night.
-If they are there, tell them if they dont mind, youwould like to go take a nap. and feel really bad that you cant entertain, etc.

Im sure anyone will be understanding to these issues. Its really overwhelming to adjust to breastfeeding AND losing sleep as it is. Plus all the NEW laundry loads you will accumulate (at a pace you wont beleive! )

ALthough you should welcome their offers to help you and you will like the company at times and the break to take a nap, hopefully there will be a happy medium where it will be possible to draw the line.

good luck !

Re: Looking for some tips on coming home with baby

I would make sure that Scott mentions that he can check on places to stay in the area for them if they want. I can't blame you for not wanting to have a houseful of people or feel like you have to entertain.People should know but sometimes they don't realize that they are being intrusive at the wrong time.You definately don't need kids running around when you get home.

Re: Looking for some tips on coming home with baby

Is this a 'normal' thing in the US that all of your immediate and possibly extended family gathers around during the delivery time?

My siblings were born when I was 4 and I remember them being 'brought' home, and I gave them their names, but I don't remember my family having a tonn of guests over!!! Not even my grandparents...

But I guess its a custom here?

Re: Looking for some tips on coming home with baby

His family will not be camping out waiting for the baby to be born and I don't think they will arrive that day either since a) they work b)his mom doesn't drive and c) both of his sisters have their own children who have school/activities etc... BUT I do believe that within the first 2-3 weeks people will want to come and stay at our place for a weekend. I know it isn't fair that they live farther away but I just do not want overnight guests right away. Let's just hope that they understand.


Alina- it is a custom for your Mom or sister to help you when your baby is born. You cannot be cleaning, cooking and trying to recover from child birth PLUS take care of a baby all at the same time. So you do need some help.

Re: Looking for some tips on coming home with baby

Michele the best way to deal with this is to tell them..or have your DH tell them. He should be tactful but he needs to let them know in no uncertain terms that you will not be able to entertain them. Offer to make reservations for them, give them a list of places to eat with directions, make play bags for the kids with stuff to do in it.

Of course they are going to want to spend as much time with you and the baby as they can, especially if they live far away and won't be able to see you often. You need to try to be patient with them (even if you don't really want to be). Try to give them as much time as you can without interrupting your and the baby's schedule.

A long time ago I went through this and I understand completely. Good luck!

Re: Looking for some tips on coming home with baby

His mother is coming for 2-3 weeks in late Febuary to help me when I start going back to work and we go to MA almost every 6 weeks so it isn't like they will never see the baby. I KNOW this is not going to be easy though.