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HELP with my future mother in law!

dolphin Posted: Jul 28, 2003 03:54 PM+

dolphin MEMBER SINCE: 7/03 TOTAL POSTS : 405 WEDDING DATE: Jul 17, 2004

Posted: Jul 28, 2003 03:54 PM

HELP with my future mother in law!

Okay, my FH and myself talked with our parents about the number of people and the lack of kids we wanted at out wedding. There are 17 cousins under 15 in his family. So we had our list down to a few but this past weekend, I saw my future mother in law and her family friends (with two kids) she apparently told the kids they were invited when they are not going to be. So she said that she will give us the money for whoever she wants that we are not placing on our list. That is great and all but if she starts inviting all these people then my wedding will be bigger than we want and if she invites these kids, then I have to invite my little cousins and family friend's kids so she will just pay for a few more kids but I will have to fork the bill for my side. WHAT DO I DO! I need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please respond.
I do not want to discuss the list with my mother because she will get mad and it will be a lecture to me. Our families are from different backgrounds where they invite tons of kids and we do not.\

thanks

sanmik Posted: Jul 28, 2003 04:05 PM+

sanmik MEMBER SINCE: 1/03 TOTAL POSTS : 719 WEDDING DATE: Aug 17, 2003

Posted: Jul 28, 2003 04:05 PM

Re: HELP with my future mother in law!

Simply tell her. besides the extra costs, you perfer an adult only reception. You don't want friend's kids running around. It's your wedding, not hers.

prncssrachel Posted: Jul 28, 2003 04:05 PM+

prncssrachel MEMBER SINCE: 2/03 TOTAL POSTS : 11213 WEDDING DATE: Jul 03, 2005 WEDDING LOCATION: Stewart Manor Country Club

Posted: Jul 28, 2003 04:05 PM

Re: HELP with my future mother in law!

Tell your FMIL that, while the gesture to pay is nice, you and your FH are not inviting children not because of the money, but you do not want children there. Period. End of Story. It's not her place. It doesn't matter who she told what. People will deal and it will be her that looks bad, not you.

goldilocks Posted: Jul 28, 2003 04:06 PM+

goldilocks MEMBER SINCE: 5/03 TOTAL POSTS : 400 WEDDING DATE: May 30, 2004

Posted: Jul 28, 2003 04:06 PM

Re: HELP with my future mother in law!

This is DEFINITELY an issue for FH to handle with his mom. He needs to tell her that it's not a money issue but that you BOTH choose to not have kids at the wedding. It will be an adult reception. It's unfortunate that she extended an invitation, but she will have to retract it.
He should also remind his mom that she was already told that kids were not to be a part of it. It's totally out of line for her to do this.
It's not fair to the other families who aren't invited with their kids.

wenndypoo Posted: Jul 28, 2003 07:11 PM+

wenndypoo MEMBER SINCE: 1/03 TOTAL POSTS : 2390 WEDDING DATE: Apr 16, 2004

Posted: Jul 28, 2003 07:11 PM

Re: HELP with my future mother in law!

I agree with the above advice. Stand firm on your decision!

Good Luck!

butterfly20 Posted: Jul 28, 2003 07:16 PM+

butterfly20 MEMBER SINCE: 3/03 TOTAL POSTS : 10671 WEDDING DATE: Nov 06, 2004

Posted: Jul 28, 2003 07:16 PM

Re: HELP with my future mother in law!

i agree with rachel, tell the mil that you and your fiance have decided together to eliminate all children from the wedding, tell her that your cousins arent even being invited..

JodiBabe Posted: Jul 28, 2003 07:56 PM+

JodiBabe MEMBER SINCE: 4/02 TOTAL POSTS : 4296 WEDDING DATE: Sep 13, 2003

Posted: Jul 28, 2003 07:56 PM

Re: HELP with my future mother in law!

I agree with all of the above! It is your wedding not hers & you and FH have made a decision together to have NO children there! Don't let ANYONE try to force what THEY want on you. Do as you want!!!

mlp924 Posted: Jul 28, 2003 08:53 PM+

mlp924 MEMBER SINCE: 5/03 TOTAL POSTS : 6172 WEDDING DATE: Mar 12, 2004

Posted: Jul 28, 2003 08:53 PM

Re: HELP with my future mother in law!

Bed strong on this point! We have a similar problem with my inlaws because some young cousins live down the block and their crazy mother has it in her head that they are more than cousins. Both sides have to be equal and it isn't fair to pressure you. This is not just about money! This is your wedding.............invite who you choose!