MOM is driving me CRAZY! (vent)

Ok...I am about to EXPLODE and I need some advice....my boyfriend and I are saving for our wedding in September 2005. We are currently "unofficially" engaged since he is still saving for a nice ring for me. He asked me if I could wait a little longer so that he could do something really nice for me and get me a really nice ring. I don't mind at all, since neither of us are going anywhere. Well, we have since opened a joint account and have started a wedding fund, and I am working crazy amounts of OT and saving every penny I have for our wedding. I have sacrificed going out to dinner with friends, and shopping for myself for a few months now. Well, my mom's family is overseas and every year we go to visit them in Jan/Feb when it's winter here and summer there. Last year I couldn't go b/c of school, and now my uncle is very sick with colon cancer and has started chemo. My problem is, I can't really afford $1,000+ dollars for a 1 week trip overseas. The ticket ALONE is about $600! My mom is guilting me into this SO BAD saying I don't even have a ring,how do I even know he's gonna ask me to marry him, "you have to still live your life,your uncle may not be around much longer what if he dies by next yr..." I don't know what to do....she is also pushing me to go to Cusco/Machu Piccu (the family is in Peru) while I am there, and when I told her I couldn't afford it, she got mad at me! I just don't know what to do, and my boyfriend tells me I am letting her bully me into going....anyone have any advice? I miss my family, since I haven't seen them in 2 yrs...but money is tight. PS: boyfriend and I are paying for wedding by ourselves, my parents aren't paying a cent for anything.

Message edited 10/30/2003 10:51:24 AM.

Re: MOM is driving me CRAZY! (vent)

If your mom is so desperate for you to go, then appeal to her for cash. Tell her you'll go if she covers your trip. You're only human, and you can only do so much.

If she doesn't offer to pay, tell her to drop the subject, there's nothing you can do.

I hate to say it, but if they're not going to help with the wedding AT ALL, then they're not being very sensitive.

PS - I'm really sorry about the added problem of your Uncle, I hope he gets better.

Message edited 10/30/2003 11:10:35 AM.

Re: MOM is driving me CRAZY! (vent)

I'm sorry about your family situation! Perhaps, you could do a check with the travel agent and find out if the ticket would be less money in the spring than in the winter months. I'm from Colombia and I know that the ticket prices do not fluctuate too much, but it's worth a try? Sometimes if you purchase it a few months ahead of time, you can save some money?

Re: MOM is driving me CRAZY! (vent)

You have to live!!
Your wedding is two years away. You're already on a WONDERFUL savings plan...As long as you only spend what you have (meaning no charge cards!)
then in two years you should be fine!!!
I say go visit your family.
You can always find a cheap seat. And you can always get some part time job down the line to earn some extra cash if necessary.

Re: MOM is driving me CRAZY! (vent)

I don't think your mom can make you go, but they are family. Are your parents going to help you with the wedding? Could she split the trip with you this year?

Re: MOM is driving me CRAZY! (vent)

I definitely think you should go! You can definitely make up the money within the next 2 years. I know she might be making you feel guiltly, but if you're feeling guilty, then I think you are missing them. Especially if you haven't seen them in 2 years. I would ask both her and your boyfriend to help out with the costs. If it means a lot to you to go, then go for it. If it's only around $1000, then that might mean you might not be able to include 10 or 15 people to invite to your wedding. To me, family is more important seeing now, in case they can't make it to your wedding. If you look at it that way, then the cost of the trip is like paying for them to come to the wedding in the future (in case they can't make it). At least you get to see them!

Hope everything works out. FM if you want to talk more!

Re: MOM is driving me CRAZY! (vent)

I WANT to go to see my family, but I know just how much it's going to set me back. I am already working as much OT as possible on the days that I don't have school at night. I do about 14 hrs of OT a week. What aggravates me is my mother's attitude about the whole thing. She WON'T help me pay for the ticket, and I don't even know how to ask her. My boyfriend isn't coming with me, b/c he can't afford the trip,either. This stinks, since I was hoping to use my vacation days later on in the yr to get away with my man. I guess I have to look at it Sammi's way: instead of paying for those extra 15 people to be at my wedding, I am kind of paying for my trip to see them in PERU...I'm sure once I'm there I'll be happy, but this is DEFINITELY going to be a financial setback, especially since we just started saving and we have so much more saving to do.....

Re: MOM is driving me CRAZY! (vent)

I think your mom is right and I would defiantely go. You may never see your Uncle again. Plus you have two years to save for the wedding. In the big scheme of things 1000+ should not set you back to far.

Good Luck

Re: MOM is driving me CRAZY! (vent)

I agree. I know it seems like alot but it really isn''t in the scope of things, and it''s true - you may regret not seeing your uncle if he doesn''t make it (which I do hope he recovers though). But is the Macchu Pichhu a side trip? Maybe just visit the family....that way you are not going totally crazy yet you are fullfilling a family duty so to speak.

Your wedding is in 2005, even though you don''t think you have alot of time to save, you actually do.

And once you have a family you won''t be able to go as often to visit your mom''s family so take advantage while you can.

Mary

Re: MOM is driving me CRAZY! (vent)

I feel for you. Family is family. Your boyfriend hopefully will one day become your family. Many years down the road you may again be strapped for cash, married and it''s his relative. You two have to be supportive of one another and independent of each other to remain a great couple. It''s good you are saving towards your wedding. If your uncle is terminally ill, visit him. If he dies and you have your wedding you will feel really guilty. My grandparents both died 6 months apart from one another 2001. Yes I made excuses not to visit as often because I was travelling all over the world and sending postcards. I am getting married next summer and would give anything for them to be there. How do I deal with the guilt, by realizing I made adult decisions previously and have to live with them now. My Mom sounds like yours! All mothers I think are the same, nagging. My parents have yet to offer to pay for my wedding thus far. My fiance and I will do it. If they help fine, if not I still love them. Life is short. Family is here for a limited time. Visit your uncle. If you''re adult enough to work OT for your wedding, you''re adult enough to work just as hard and buy an airline ticket to Peru. Good luck!