Bridesmaids..... How to pick them?

I do not know how to pick a bridesmaid..... I have a lot of friends and were in a lot of there weddings, but some of them have turned out since there weddings to be not as good of friends that we once were, I do not want to offend anyone, put I need some suggestions on how to pick a good wedding party without hurting anyone`s feelings. Help!!!!

Bridesmaids..... How to pick them?

I did the safe thing..instead of picking some friends and not all...I didn't pick ANY! Of course it was easier for me because I have lots of females in my family. I am having sisters and cousins, from my side and his, ONLY. That way, all the friends feel equal when they are all sitting in the audience with the rest of the guests!

Family members is always a good start....

Start with your close family members (they stick with you through thick and thin)sisters, cousins, ect. Then pick your bestfriend or friends. Just make sure they are very reliable. My maid of honor lives in Florida and decided last week that she can't come (long story but her mom is sick). It's your wedding so pick who want to, even men are acceptable these days. Good Luck!

Bridesmaids..... How to pick them?

Just really pick the people who you would want to stand up for you on your big day. I picked a girl who i thought she was my best friend since i was little. When i asked her to be in my wedding she just fell off the face of the earth. So i unasked her and asked a girl who was a friend of the last couple of years. It really is your own choice and you really have to decide who is going to be there for you...

Bridesmaids..... How to pick them?

I was nervous about picking BM, and especially my MOH. I don`t have a sister, so I had to choose between my friends who are all friends from college. In the end my friends were great about it, and one of my BM even offered to step down in case I decided to include another friend that I initially didn`t ask. I think you should choose those that are closest and most important to you, and most likely your friends will understand your choices. If your choosing between family members, that may be another story. LOL

Bridesmaids..... How to pick them?

I agree that family is the best route...I have my sister MOH and cousin and then I asked one friend from HS (still see each other a few times a month and have never gotten mad or POed at each other) and one friend from college (we lived together for some time after college...so we used to see each other every day) but my family has been the most reliable. If you cannot choose I also agree about having a small BP.

Personal decision...

I think the first step is to decide how big you want your bridal party to be. I decided that I did not want a huge bridal party, b/c I was planning from very far away, and it would have been difficult for me to manage. Since I don't have a sister, I chose my best friend since childhood to be my MOH. Then, I chose 4 of my cousins and my husband's sister. One of my cousin's ended up dropping out, due to her pregnancy (she was due 2 days prior to the wedding). The other limitation was my husband didn't have many 'guys' to ask to be groomsmen. While I didn't care if the bridal party was exactly 'even,' I didn't want it to be completely lop-sided either. My advice is to choose the people you feel closest to. Best of luck!

Bridesmaids..... How to pick them?

On another note, how do you choose a maid of honor when you don't have any close female family members? My fiance is an only child also. I have a few female friends who I would like to include in my bridal party but I am having difficulty choosing between them for a MOH. I have known two of them for a very long time which makes the decision even more difficult for me.

Bridesmaids..... How to pick them?

I dont think there's a rule on whether to pick friends or family. I have a close friend who is closer to me (and more honest and true) than many family members I have. 'Family' should be described as who you FEEL as close as family to. Start by writing down everyone that is on your mind, one column males and one column females, and children too. Go through the names and think long and hard about why you want this person to be by your side on your big day. You shouldn't be picking your bridal party out of obligation or because you feel bad for any reason. You should not feel obligated to reciprocate if you were in their bridal parties. I have been on both sides of the fence (not reciprocating, as well as not being chosen) and in neither was anyone at all offended. You want to pick girls that you can rely on, call or email at any time, do any of them have resentment or animosity that you are getting married ? are any of them likely to not participate in the 'group' responsibilities of the bridal party ? I know it may sound like thes are harsh questions, but as you've seen on these boards, MANY fights occur once it is in the midst your planning, when you need that stress the least ! So think about a good group of girls, that will all get along (or at least can come to agreements on things), that you consider special to you in your heart of hearts. Happy planning !! :)

Bridesmaids..... How to pick them? Jen2

If you feel EQUALLY CLOSE to these 2 girls, you can have them both as co-maid of honors. My sis and I have been coMOH's before, and our close friend has already dropped many hints that she is doing the same. I think that is something very special, especially if they are of equal importance to you. It's your wedding, your special day, and your decision. HAPPY PLANNING ! :)

Bridesmaids..... How to pick them?

Does the groom know how many groomsmen he is going to pick? If yes, try to stick to this # and go from there. You don't need to ask every friend/family member who you have been a bridesmaid for - We decided to have 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen. I have 4 very dear friends and consequently I am not asking either of my sister in laws that I was a bridesmaid at their weddings. They understood. Actually, being a bridesmaid is very expensive and they might not mind if you don't ask them. If you feel torn mabye you can include them in the wedding by doing a reading at the ceremony or giving you a toast at your rehersal dinner or reception. There are other ways you can make people a special part of the day without having them in your bridal party. Hope this helps. Best of luck with your planning.

Bridesmaids..... How to pick them?

I was married last September and haven't spoken with three of five bridemaids since my return from honeymoon in October. I regret having them stand up there with me and being in my wedding pictures. If I could do it all again, I would have just had my sister. My husband had 6 ushers and I wouldn't have minded a bit about the lop-sidedness. It's about who is special in your life. Make sure YOU want these people up there with you and certainly don't feel obligated. I did and now I have to see their ugly faces in my beautiful wedding pictures!

I used many factors in deciding

My first was the size of the wedding party...I new I didn't want a huge group as the wedding itself is small. I knew I wanted my sister as MOH. Then I had to decide on my BM...choosing amongst friends was going to be difficult. I decided on my future sister-in-law because she has been such a good friend to me and I knew I could count on her for her help, good advice, and support. She is wonderful! I will not only be gaining a husband but a true jem of a SIL. To include friends I am having them do readings at the ceremony. My friend since kindergarten, and my best friend from work (who warned me not to ask her to be a BM because she has been in toooooo many weddings). Both were so pleased to be included (but happy not to be a BM!). The best of both worlds for all of us! I also considered budget and who could afford what when it came to deciding. Certain people just don't have the money involved to be part of the wedding party, and that is ok. I was very conscious of that when deciding. Basically, I chose the people who were most important in my life who will be there long after the wedding.

All of this made me think...

What is everyone's opinion on my situation? I have two of my own sisters and my FH has two sisters. My two sisters will be my MOH and I am very close with one of his sisters that is def in it. Now the other one I speak to more now then I used to but I am not close to her at all. I have a lot of close friends that I am already having problems deciding between. I feel obligated to put his other sister in and just assumed I had to but now after reading all of the things that you should consider before asking people its really making me think. I dont want to upset my FH but at the same time he is not so close to her. I think that she just assumes she will be a BM and so I have assumed I dont have a choice. Any suggestions???

All of this made me think...

I had a very similiar situation. My two sisters are my MOH. His two sisters are both BM. I was closer to one than the other (so is he) but to keep peace and family harmony, I put them both in. In fact, I never considered not having both. I also have two close friends for a total of 6. I think you should do what you want, but putting her in will probably be a lot less painful than leaving her out and having to deal with bad feelings for years. Also consider how his parents might feel. I know my FMIL would not have been happy if I excluded her daughter. Decide if its worth starting problems over.

All of this made me think...

I don't know why everyone gets so fussy about being bridesmaids and moh, it's such a huge resposibility money wise and emotionally. I am poor from being in my friends wedding this may and yet, then she turned around and said she couldn't be in mine in july b/c she can't afford a plane ticket.. argh I think so many people don't realize the time or the money associated with it. who knows, maybe this is just my opinion since I will be an Air Force wife and not able to be in alot of my friends with moving.. But all I know is that I'd rather go to a wedding with my Fiance, then me be in one and be crazy busy and poor for it.. Ok, rambling.. sorry.

What I did (long)

Bascially I always knew my sister and BF (for more than 20 years) would be my Maid and Matron of Honor. My BF also has a 14 year old daughter who is like a niece to me, so I would never leave her out of the bridal party, plus she was super excited about it. So that was super easy. Scott and I spoke and decided that we wanted our siblings to be a part of the bridal party too, he asked my brothers, I asked his sisters. That lead to me asking my SIL because I knew her feelings would be hurt if I left her out. I have another very close friend of more than 20 years and she mentioned to my BF (we all grew up together) that she really hoped I was going to ask her. So I did. And then finally, the person who is responsible for my getting together with Scott, Diane, has been a close friend since she started dating one of my best male friends. So I asked her. In total I have 8 girls, which is A LOT. BUT all of my friends are married already, there has not been a wedding for years so I did not feel any pressure about the costs involved. I think if a bunch of us were all getting married at the same time, I would have just had the first 3 girls so that the others would not feel the $ pinch. The dress I picked out is around $250, and that includes the wrap, and my Mom and Stepmom are throwing my shower. So that should help with the total cost too. But I think it is so important to do what you think is right and fair. In the end, if someone has said NO to me due to financial reasons I would not be hurt. I would totally understand. I would have included them in another way.

All of this made me think...

You have to go with what works for you. My father felt strongly (to say the least) that my brother be an usher. I know it is expensive for my brother and his family to come to LI and stay for a few days, and didn't want to add the expense of the tux and other extras for him as money is tight for him. Plus, he can be...finicky. Just felt that he would be better suited to another function in the ceremony.