Family drama: Would you say something? Very long...

I'll try to make this short but it is a really long story.

My cousin with whom I am very close is currently PG (with her 3rd) and engaged to this guy 'Joe' that she supposedly met when she moved to Florida in June of 2004. She is due a few weeks after me. (Thaaaat's right).

She was a BM in my wedding and her move to Florida last year was VERY sudden. She had a BF here who she was deeply 'in love' with after knowing him for only a couple of months. This BF - we'll call him 'Junior' - was an Ex con. He was recently released and on probation and she truly believed that he wanted to turn his life around and trying to get on track to a clean start. She wanted to introduce him to the family and really wanted us to give him a chance.

This is where you need a little more background. My cousin (let's call her Mary) doesn't have the best taste in men. The father of her other 2 children is currently in jail also. So for her to want to introduce her BF to the family was a big deal because she knows we are all SUPER critical of them and I was willing to give this new guy a chance.

Anyway, I never got the chance to meet him. Not three months out of jail and he got into a barfight and 'allegedly' stabbed someone and was then on the run. Mary swore he didn't do it, but nevertheless claimed she wouldn't see him ever again. But everyone in her neighborhood believed he did it and so she was being harassed for having been with him, things started getting really difficult for her here and she decided to suddenly up and move to florida to 'start over'.

Two months after moving to florida she is already living with 'some guy' she met. Now she is engaged to him and having his baby. I thought to myself... okaaayyy she moves a little fast, but whatever, of course I'll give this guy a chance.

Come to find out this past weekend that supposedly this guy she is engaged to also has 'legal problems' which sound aalll too familiar. Basically, we suspect that Joe and Junior are one in the same, that she actually moved to florida to be with Junior and none of us would ever be the wiser because we never met him. Also since she always referred to him by his nickname 'junior' we never knew his real name and she could just have started calling him by his real name. There are many more reasons why we think this the same guy but if I'll be writing forever if I try to explain.

Suffice it to say that we are pretty sure it's the same criminal she is now having a kid with and she's been lying to us all for the past year. The question (finally) then is -- would you say anything to her? Confront her about it? Or stay quiet and let her come clean (if she EVER decides to)?? I met the florida guy and of course I gave him a chance. However, if I knew that it was Junior to begin with, I (and the rest of the family) would never have accepted him which is why she probably lied. Also, this would not be the first time she told a giant lie like this.

I find it really insulting that she thinks we are all so dumb and just lies to us like this...

Re: Family drama: Would you say something? Very long...

it is sad for all parties involved. Your cousin is definately lacking something in life. However, I am glad that she did not move her children to FL and shack up with a stranger after 2 months. If it is this joe, it is unfortuate that he has these problems, but I think there would be a much larger problem if joe and junior were not the same

PS

Re: Family drama: Would you say something? Very long...

hmm thats a hard one. I think if a child wasnt being brought into this world to be raised by hte both of them, then I would probably not say anything. I hate taking the risk of embarrassing someone. However, because she is pregnant, and the relationship just doesnt seem to be healthy at all, I would definitely talk to her about my concerns.

After all this man stabbed another human being, who is to say that he might not harm her or the baby? Voice your opinions definitely. Let her know that you are there for her and the baby if she needs it, because maybe that is the reason why she is still with him. Some people have such a hard time realizing that some people are just not good for them...thats what family is for. Best of luck

Re: Family drama: Would you say something? Very long...

I know this is not the best advice....... but here it goes. I would say something to her. Not for her benefit, but for yours. I would want to get it off my chest and say what I have to say. At least you will have the benefit of knowing that she knows how you feel about this guy. Mind you, whatever you have to say to her, she is a grown woman and will do (and is doing) whatever she wants to do and no one is going to stop her.
Good luck, this is a really tough situation!

Re: Family drama: Would you say something? Very long...

divabride has a great point, I would not want it on my chest

Re: Family drama: Would you say something? Very long...

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Posted by newnybride2be

After all this man stabbed another human being, who is to say that he might not harm her or the baby?

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This is exactly the reason why I wish she would come clean about this guy! Her three kids are living with him!!

Re: Family drama: Would you say something? Very long...

I've said it before. Some people should not be allowed to reproduce.

Re: Family drama: Would you say something? Very long...

I agree- I think it's the same guy. I'd probably say something, but jstu be careful wit your tone, seh may be defensive about it & then could becoem distant if she is easily offended & that could be dangerous if this guy really isn't too safe.

Re: Family drama: Would you say something? Very long...

I would talk to her and just let her know that you are doing this as an accusation but that you are only concerned about her.

Hope things turn out alright...especially for the baby's sake...

Re: Family drama: Would you say something? Very long...

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Posted by Blu-ize

I've said it before. Some people should not be allowed to reproduce.

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that's exactly what I was thinking!!!