I am so upset right now... feel really hurt by MOH - LONG

My very best friend who has always been there for me when I needed her... is really disappointing me right now. Maybe its just me over reacting but I think I am being pretty level headed about this....

My MOH works in a school during the day and at night is finishing her undergrad degree to be a teacher. She got married 2 1/2 years ago to a great guy who is my close friend too. They are both really hard workers and are now looking for a house. Last week her grandmother fell in her apartment and broke a major bone in her leg and had surgery and is now is rehab. So... of course I understand how busy MOH is ... she has a lot going on right now. not to mention there have been a lot of weddings and family things going on for her so she has been busy on the weekends with that too.

Now to back up... MOH and I were supposed to go look for Bm dresses 1st week in October... MOH calls that morning and says she doesn't feel well, can we reschedule. OK - no problem, happens. So I reschedule and the morning of we have plans for her to pick me up and then she calls and says she doesn't have the car, she can't go. I said, don't worry, I'll pick her up. She said, better we reschedule. OK, reschedule again. This time my step-sister gave birth to my nephew 2 weeks early and I had to fly out to Cali to where step-sis lives for the baby's briss - I had to cancel. So I said... tell me what date works best for you... I know how busy you are. She says... Dec 4th - thats tomorrow - but to call her in advance to remind her (which i did last weekend). So, I try to call her all week and I know she is busy and all this stuff is going on and she really can't talk to me. Yesterday I got her for like 2 minutes. She said she would call me back - no call. Today I call her in the afternoon.... she will call me back. She never called so I left a message on her cell phone... no call back again. Now its 10 pm and I have no idea what is going on tomorrow so I call her again. Guess what.... she can't go. She forgot... she has all these things going on. 'Its not her fault' she is not trying to blow me off.

Anyway... I understand people are busy and LIFE happens and things get in the way. But what I am upset about is that I have to hear at 10pm the night before that she cant go... why couldnt she call me this morning or tell me yesterday that its too much. Why do i have to chase her down?

I am so upset right now... I feel like when she was getting married (and really any other time in our lives) I made time for anything she needed me to do.... and she is making me feel like I am doing something wrong by asking her to make some time... and be considerate and at least let me know if she can't.

Re: I am so upset right now... feel really hurt by MOH - LONG

I am going through the same thing right now with mine and I can relate. I decided that since its soo close to the holidays and everyone is busy, i am going to wait until after new years to look this way everyone will be around.

Re: I am so upset right now... feel really hurt by MOH - LONG

Yeah I understand... but... you have 1 year so you have more than enough time to wait, I have 6 months. And we aren't going to order dresses, we haven't even started looking and trying them on.

For her wedding everyone dropped everything to go with her 9 months before her wedding. Anything she asked I drove her... i did for her... I went out of my way for her in any way imaginable...

Re: I am so upset right now... feel really hurt by MOH - LONG

I totally know how you feel.. It is so upsetting and disappointing when your friends make you feel like you are the biggest inconveinence.

Do you have another BM that can go to look at dresses with you? The first time I went my MOH couldn't make it- so I took my other MOH- who showed up a half hour late btw, FSIL and another BM- out of 8. Then, out of the remaining- I needed to go back with basically with each individual one- when I call the BM dress place- I recognize the people's voices- and they know who I am as soon as I say my name-- I have been there A LOT.

My point is- if she doesn't have the time- pick someone else you trust to do the initial run-- tell her that someone else is going since she seems so busy- see how she likes that.. and also, try to just go with the flow if everyone else isn't as accomodating- I mean, I didn't like that everyone had to be a pain in my arse- I am busy too- but, it was easier than to hear them b*tch.

Re: I am so upset right now... feel really hurt by MOH - LONG

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Posted by PerfectPair05

For her wedding everyone dropped everything to go with her 9 months before her wedding. Anything she asked I drove her... i did for her... I went out of my way for her in any way imaginable...

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My personal opinion on this- and since I am experiencing some of this too- after someone has been married for a couple years, I think they forget about all this shite that we are going through-- my MOH is prego now-- and I feel like she downplays the wedding- since she feels it is so insignificant compared to what;s going on in her life.. but that;s another post..

Re: I am so upset right now... feel really hurt by MOH - LONG

I really can't ask anyone else...

I have 4 girls:

1) MOH

2) Step sister (in Cali)

3) FSIL (20 yrs old and not who I want making this sort of decision with me)

4) 2nd best friend - who i have been having a hard time with lately and I have even questioned if I want her to be a BM anymore anyway

I just feel very alone in this whole thing

Re: I am so upset right now... feel really hurt by MOH - LONG

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Posted by randella

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Posted by PerfectPair05

For her wedding everyone dropped everything to go with her 9 months before her wedding. Anything she asked I drove her... i did for her... I went out of my way for her in any way imaginable...

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My personal opinion on this- and since I am experiencing some of this too- after someone has been married for a couple years, I think they forget about all this shite that we are going through-- my MOH is prego now-- and I feel like she downplays the wedding- since she feels it is so insignificant compared to what;s going on in her life.. but that;s another post..

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I totally understand that... that is exactly what is happening... and another thing is that she was the very first one of all of us to get married so she got even more attention and excitement. She doesn't even know what my invites look like.

I didn;t mention that we had made plans to have dinner last Sat night and unfortunately due to some family things in addition to our wedding.... i had to start waitressing at my old restaurant again so guess what... I couldnt reach her for 3 days before our dinner plans and when I finally got her... turns out they had her cousins wedding that day and I didnt even have to tell her I couldnt make it cause she blew me off and didnt even mention the dinner plans we had.

Re: I am so upset right now... feel really hurt by MOH - LONG

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Posted by PerfectPair05

I really can't ask anyone else...

I have 4 girls:

1) MOH

2) Step sister (in Cali)

3) FSIL (20 yrs old and not who I want making this sort of decision with me)

4) 2nd best friend - who i have been having a hard time with lately and I have even questioned if I want her to be a BM anymore anyway

I just feel very alone in this whole thing

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I honestly know how you feel-- no matter how big the wedding party is.. Can you go with your mom and you can try on the dresses- just so you can narrow down?

Re: I am so upset right now... feel really hurt by MOH - LONG

I honestly know how you feel-- no matter how big the wedding party is.. Can you go with your mom and you can try on the dresses- just so you can narrow down?

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Mom is not an option

Re: I am so upset right now... feel really hurt by MOH - LONG

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Posted by PerfectPair05


I totally understand that... that is exactly what is happening... and another thing is that she was the very first one of all of us to get married so she got even more attention and excitement. She doesn't even know what my invites look like.

I didn;t mention that we had made plans to have dinner last Sat night and unfortunately due to some family things in addition to our wedding.... i had to start waitressing at my old restaurant again so guess what... I couldnt reach her for 3 days before our dinner plans and when I finally got her... turns out they had her cousins wedding that day and I didnt even have to tell her I couldnt make it cause she blew me off and didnt even mention the dinner plans we had.

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you know what- people just suck.. that is rude- how did she make plans with you when she had a wedding to go to? You need to have a talk with her- and ask her if she is too busy for this, then she should tell you..

My MOH who is prego-- I called and made all the BM dress appts, researched places, researched hair and make-up people for her, etc.

Unfortunatley, you just do not get in return what you give back- I think instead of rehashing what you did- you need to focus on how she is making you feel- and that sucks.. Maybe send her a letter? You are still good with BM dresses- I placed my final order on Nov 1 and the dresses will be in in Feb- and the wedding is in april-- you can wait til after the holidays and not have a thing to worry about.

Re: I am so upset right now... feel really hurt by MOH - LONG

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Posted by PerfectPair05


I honestly know how you feel-- no matter how big the wedding party is.. Can you go with your mom and you can try on the dresses- just so you can narrow down?

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Mom is not an option

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what about a close co-worker who you trust? Have them come with you after work or something- and just get a second opinion-- tell then you wanted to scope it out before bringing the BMs into it.

Or Buddy up with a LIW girl who is also looking now?

Re: I am so upset right now... feel really hurt by MOH - LONG

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what about a close co-worker who you trust? Have them come with you after work or something- and just get a second opinion-- tell then you wanted to scope it out before bringing the BMs into it.

Or Buddy up with a LIW girl who is also looking now?

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It's more that I just feel super let down by someone I never expected to do this to me.

The dresses will get ordered... if it comes down to it I will just bring someone else. Unfortunately I was really looking forward to this whole wedding planning and her being a part of it. She has not been involved with anything as of yet and I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that it will remain this way.

Re: I am so upset right now... feel really hurt by MOH - LONG