Inviting Children Need Opinion

I'm stuck in kind of a dilema.

Our best man is dating a total witch for about 1 1/2 years now, and she has a 7 yr old son.

I really don't want her son at the wedding, we haven't even seen her or the son in about a year because since they have been together a wedge has been put inbetween my fh and his best friend.

On the other hand we have a mutual family who we are pretty close with they have a 9 and 13 yr old and we are inviting the whole family to the wedding.

I absolutely love the 9 year old who I would even have in the bridal party if we werent having our wedding so last minute.

This family is also friends with the best man and knows the girl friend and her son.

My FH doesnt want to start any conflict and wants me to address the invite to his best friend with her name and the kids name,

I want to address the invite to the best man and GUEST and leave the kid off.

He is affraid they will bring up the fact that the 9 and 13 year olf are being invited.

What should I do. I really don't want to invite the kid. The youngest child there besides the 9 year old is my 12 year old cousin. I even have a 1 year old nephew and I'm not inviting him.

Has anybody else been in the same situtation?
What did you do?
It's our special day, why should we have to invite the kid just because the 9 year old is being invited. I would feel different if she made an effort to be nice to us but like I said I havent seen them in a year and we've been in our house since November and not once has she wanted to come over.

This names me so angry.......please any opinion are appreciated as invites are going out in the next 2 days!!!!

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

Tough situation. I was faced with something similar - although the kid in question is 16, and is the step-daughter of one of FH's GM. Given that there is an actual marriage I had no choice but to include said obnoxious, nasty 16 year old, since FH was unwilling to exclude all kids despite every single argument I made, so I gave up.

However, in your situation BM is NOT the step-father of this child, he is merely her mother's boyfriend. IMO, you should address the envelope to BM and guest and leave it at that. Or you can be nice and include her name, but I absolutely would NOT include the kid. As for the other family - they are just that - a family.

Yes, yes, this might not be P.C. some people might think BM, GF and kid are a family, but until he puts a ring on her finger and intends to become that child's step-father, there is NO legal relationship, and NO obligation to include the kid of someone's girlfriend.

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

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Posted by October Bliss

Tough situation. I was faced with something similar - although the kid in question is 16, and is the step-daughter of one of FH's GM. Given that there is an actual marriage I had no choice but to include said obnoxious, nasty 16 year old, since FH was unwilling to exclude all kids despite every single argument I made, so I gave up.

However, in your situation BM is NOT the step-father of this child, he is merely her mother's boyfriend. IMO, you should address the envelope to BM and guest and leave it at that. Or you can be nice and include her name, but I absolutely would NOT include the kid. As for the other family - they are just that - a family.

Yes, yes, this might not be P.C. some people might think BM, GF and kid are a family, but until he puts a ring on her finger and intends to become that child's step-father, there is NO legal relationship, and NO obligation to include the kid of someone's girlfriend.

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I agree, you do not have an obligation to someones girlfriend

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

I can understand your dilemna. But, remember that this is your wedding and that's that. Who you want to invite to your affair is entirely up to you. I don't want to sound harsh but you are paying per plate. Don't invite anyone to your wedding that you have an issue with.

I concur with Kismet8601 you don't have an obligation to the girlfriend.

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

I third all of this...invite who you want (maybe she won't want to go and it will all work out in the end)

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

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Posted by October Bliss

Tough situation. I was faced with something similar - although the kid in question is 16, and is the step-daughter of one of FH's GM. Given that there is an actual marriage I had no choice but to include said obnoxious, nasty 16 year old, since FH was unwilling to exclude all kids despite every single argument I made, so I gave up.

However, in your situation BM is NOT the step-father of this child, he is merely her mother's boyfriend. IMO, you should address the envelope to BM and guest and leave it at that. Or you can be nice and include her name, but I absolutely would NOT include the kid. As for the other family - they are just that - a family.

Yes, yes, this might not be P.C. some people might think BM, GF and kid are a family, but until he puts a ring on her finger and intends to become that child's step-father, there is NO legal relationship, and NO obligation to include the kid of someone's girlfriend.

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i agree with this

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

It's your wedding, you can invite or not invite who ever you want! If you really don't like this woman you shouldn't feel bad about her child not being inviting... she's lucky she's even invited!!

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

Honestly, if you write 'GUEST' it's rude/mean and against all etiquette (i know that's a dirty word here...but it is)....you MUST use her name and the worst that comes out of that is maybe she feels included and just might be less 'witchy'...and quite frankly, you DON'T have to feel obligated to invite her son...she's not 'in the family' so to speak...you can cut him out... I know that sounds cold, BUT we invited some family members, kids and all and some no kids at all..we even invited one couple who we thought would enjoy the day and get a sitter for their 2 toddlers...but they RSVPd for the 2 tots and brought them. In the end, it didn't matter...out of the 160 people there, I talked to maybe 70 of them (quite briefly) and then the day was over.

In the end, you should do what makes you and your FH happy...because hard as you might try, you will hurt/offend/anger someone no matter what!

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

I would say if you have to say anything..
#1 Hes too young
#2 Maybe give the 9 and 13 year old jobs to do like handing out pamphlets, bubbles or whatever.

But I think you shouldnt have to say anything at all.

If you really dont want him there I would NOT invite him IMO

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

If complications arise say that they are family and were raised around you. It was only appropriate to invite them.

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

I have to agree with Kismet8601 and Jayla127 on this. There is no obligation to invite children at all. The only children we are inviting are the flower girls and ring bearer.

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

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Posted by mycrayon1

I have to agree with Kismet8601 and Jayla127 on this. There is no obligation to invite children at all. The only children we are inviting are the flower girls and ring bearer.

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I agree...invite who you want to...you have no obligation to the girlfriend.....it's your wedding, you get to say who comes and who doesn't...and you don't have to justify it to anyone either!

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

first...don't put '& Guest' on the invite...cause they know you know her name...and that would be kind of stooping to her level. be the bigger person!!

second...you have NO OBLIGATION to invite her child...if you don't want the 7 year old there...no problem! if they make a comment, tell them that you are very close with the 2 children, and they are mature and old enough in your opinion, and there are the only children really invited. it's not THEIR wedding...it's yours.

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

Tell them you did not want children under the age of 9. Since there are other family members who's children aren't invited it is a perfectly acceptable answer.

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

It is your day and if you don't want her there-then don't include er on the invite. If the GM asks-then maybe I would budge-but only if he asks.

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

I agree with it being rude to write and guest. You know her name, and out of respect for your best man, you should use it on the invite. I also agree with the others that the kid isn't his, so therefore doesn't need to be invited.

Re: Inviting Children Need Opinion

It's your wedding. Invite who you want. If she has a problem with it then she shouldn't come!!! I'm inviting a bunch of kids to my wedding, but not everybody's kids. Also, I am in a similar situation when it comes to inviting with guests. I've decided that I'm going to pick and choose. If someone has a SO then they are invited with guest. My friends do not and are so cliquey that they have each other, so they're not invited with guest. Good luck :) (PS- What is it with men and not wanting conflict, lol)