Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

pics of people you DO NOT want in pics or video?

My little sister (26) and her boyfriend of 5 months DO NOT know the meaning of discretion. They are ALLL over each other ALLL the time! It is really disgusting and makes many people uncomfortable. He keeps his hands in her back pockets, etc.

So, I have great concern that i will have a handful of proofs of them and that my video will be of them -- they really make quite a spectacle. They are not engaged or married and i do not want my pictures (which are costing a pretty penny!) wasted on the two gropers in the corner -- or more likely -- smack in the middle of the dance floor. Can I give the photographer and videographer pictures of them and advise I do not want couples pictures of them, etc. For my older sistser's wedding my younger sister and her LAST boyfriend were ALL over each other and I do not want another random guy all over MY pictures. Should I speak to her? Should I try to tell my mom to advise them to 'cool it' for the night?

How would you guys handle this? Did you give pics or special instructions to photographer and videographer. It is particularly annoying at your wedding when you are supposed to look like the happiest most in love couple and there is your sister making out with someone on the dance floor (for those who have read any of my prior posts, my little sister is the one that is now on a starvation diet and a hard core gym regimen so that she can look better than me at the wedding)
HELP!!!

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

I think if you are paying, you have the right to request whatever you want. They should respect your wishes, good luck

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

I would just mention it to him... to LIMIT taking their pictures, not to ban them altogether.

I know what you mean, though. For my Sweet Sixteen video, I had a friend who COULD NOT keep her hands off her boyfriend, and vice versa. OMG... it was insane. They were in EVERY video shot! We actually had to bring the video BACK to the guy to RE-EDIT them out! The guy inserted other parts of the party over where they appeared. It was sickening!

Just have a talk with your photog/videog beforehand. I'm sure you're not the first one to warn them about hams!

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

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Posted by sarahradio5

I would just mention it to him... to LIMIT taking their pictures, not to ban them altogether.

I know what you mean, though. For my Sweet Sixteen video, I had a friend who COULD NOT keep her hands off her boyfriend, and vice versa. OMG... it was insane. They were in EVERY video shot! We actually had to bring the video BACK to the guy to RE-EDIT them out! The guy inserted other parts of the party over where they appeared. It was sickening!

Just have a talk with your photog/videog beforehand. I'm sure you're not the first one to warn them about hams!

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I think the word 'voyeurs' works too!! lol
they were actually KISSING in my parents kitchen in front of ALL of us yesterday. Repulsive... i want to smack him... that is my little sister he is rubbing!

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

i think if you mention it to your videographer and photographer, they will understand. i agree that you should not try to get them banned from ALL photos. besides, it's a wedding. i'm sure the photo and video will focus their attention on getting tasteful shots!

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

I just wanted to say that I SO feel your pain... my little sister and her greasy boyfriend are ALWAYS groping each other... like, it's really not necessarily for him to have his hand and her a$$ ALL the time... and to make it worse, she's only 16... and he's 20!

We were actually talking about it yesterday and I tried to explain to her that it's not about being a prude or something, it's really just about being respectful of those around you... her response in typical 16 year old fashion was 'why should I care about what people around me think or about being respectful?'

so, yeah, I totally understand, and I think it's absolutely fine to tell the photographer and videographer to keep shots of them to a minimum. I wouldn't say NO pictures of them... because if she's anything like my sister they won't seperate all night and then you won't have any pictures of your own sister, who I'm sure you want at least a couple of pictures of - but keep it to a minimum, and make an effort to get her on her own so he doesn't have to be in your album.

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

wow. how do people feel comfortable in front of others doing that? when i was 16 i wasnt confortable making out in front of people, and now at 28, i still dont. no one wants to see that. plus itis disrespectful.

are you thinking of having a talk with your sister about this?

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

See that is the thing. My sister is bright and beautiful and i just don' t know why she needs to be manhandled. I am all about holding hands but i really think there is a big difference between being tender and warm to one another and being down right offensive. This man is all over her and when he is rubbing her, your attention is drawn to it and it is repulsive. While of course I would love to get some pictures of her, I am sure she will not seperate from him for even a moment. They even do it in front of my very conservative and conventional family. I think it shows a great deal of disrespect to her family that he feels the need to grab her bum and rub her thighs in front of us. I really don't understand it.

Tell your 16 year old sister that by doing that in public it (1) makes other people uncomfortable and (2) it shows that she can be 'man handled' which I think makes her look like she doesn't have the self respect to require that she be treated like a special and dignified ( i hate to use that word) lady.

My sister has massive insecurities which i am sure makes her find these men that need to constantly show them affection to make them feel important. just my own freudian stuff.

Do you think I should ask my parents or sister to maybe speak to her?

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

Yes, tell your photographer and videographer that you want limited tasteful pics of your sister and her boyfriend.

You may also want to mention to your sister and her boyfriend that you will not tolerate that behavior at your wedding.

Tell them to take it outside to the street because that's where that behavior belongs.

You may want to explain to them that it makes everyone uncomfortable when they grope each other-it's not mature.

You also may want to mention the word 'Whore' because that's what everyone thinks when you guys engage in that behavior. Also they think that your boyfriend is using you for sex.

So, it's pretty bad..this may send the right signals.

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

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Posted by LisaJill

See that is the thing. My sister is bright and beautiful and i just don' t know why she needs to be manhandled. I am all about holding hands but i really think there is a big difference between being tender and warm to one another and being down right offensive. This man is all over her and when he is rubbing her, your attention is drawn to it and it is repulsive. While of course I would love to get some pictures of her, I am sure she will not seperate from him for even a moment. They even do it in front of my very conservative and conventional family. I think it shows a great deal of disrespect to her family that he feels the need to grab her bum and rub her thighs in front of us. I really don't understand it.

Tell your 16 year old sister that by doing that in public it (1) makes other people uncomfortable and (2) it shows that she can be 'man handled' which I think makes her look like she doesn't have the self respect to require that she be treated like a special and dignified ( i hate to use that word) lady.

My sister has massive insecurities which i am sure makes her find these men that need to constantly show them affection to make them feel important. just my own freudian stuff.

Do you think I should ask my parents or sister to maybe speak to her?

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I think if anyone should speak to her, it should be you. JMO

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

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Posted by Blu-ize

Yes, tell your photographer and videographer that you want limited tasteful pics of your sister and her boyfriend.

You may also want to mention to your sister and her boyfriend that you will not tolerate that behavior at your wedding.

Tell them to take it outside to the street because that's where that behavior belongs.

You may want to explain to them that it makes everyone uncomfortable when they grope each other-it's not mature.

You also may want to mention the word 'Whore' because that's what everyone thinks when you guys engage in that behavior. Also they think that your boyfriend is using you for sex.

So, it's pretty bad..this may send the right signals.

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That is what I sure think of when i watch her... I mean she is a grown woman she is in graduate school... I just wish someone would say something. Maybe I can google something on etiquette and email it???
I think when you are young it might be immaturity but she is an adult and she should know better than to impose on other people like that.

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

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Posted by stephanief

I think if you are paying, you have the right to request whatever you want. They should respect your wishes, good luck

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I agree. I think you should have a talk with your sister - this is a special day for you and she should understand that and practice some discretion

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

I would definitely talk to your photographer and videographer and tell them that you do not want your sister and her boyfriend all over the video and photo's. My brother did not do that for his wedding, and my sister's flavor of the month was all over his video. Needless to say, I will be having a chat with my photographer and videogrpaher to make sure this does not happen to our video!

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

I'm sorry but that is hilarious. It reminds me of something that would be on Desperate Housewives or something.

I would definitely mention it to the video/photo guys. At the very least, they'll be able to edit it out if they know how you feel about it. I also agree that someone should talk to her about it. Personally, I would have my mother do it. Or my dad. I think that would be way more effective than myself but I it depends on your relationships. Good luck!

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

Oh man, that's tough to deal with. Hey I wouldn't want a bunch of pics of random people either so I'm with you, Let your photogrpaher/videographer know you don't want any pics of them! I would def. have a talk with her, explain to her that there is a place for everything and PDA might make a lot of people uncomfortable! Good luck!
XOXOXO
Kitty

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

I know people who have done it. They are used to family 'situations'. Just tell them ahead of time!

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

If I were you I would talk to my sister about being respectful at the wedding and how important it is for you to have her in your photos. Ask her if she could maybe cool off on the public displays of affection for one day. Tell her you would be really upset if you can't have pictures of her at your wedding because she is out of control. I would also mention it to the photographer but I think the bigger problem is your sister's behavior. JMO, HTH

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

Consider that if your family is conservative, she may be doing it on purpose to make you all uncomfortable. It's totally possible.

If it were me, I would speak to her directly, since if it comes from Mom, it may feel like a lecture. If it's heartfelt and comes from you, it might be better received.

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

wait, are we saying it's not ok to pda all over the place??? no wonder we get funny looks. j/k

i agree in part with our dear friend greenfreak, do say something to her....but be calm and try to make it heartfelt AND definitely say something to the photographer/videographer....you're paying these people to capture moments youwish to remember...not moments you wish to forget.

Re: Is it ok to give videographer/photographer . . .

I actually had a discussion with my videographer about limiting video of a particular person. He said 'no problem' and to just make sure I either brought him a picture of the person, or pointed the person out as early as possible so he would know who to avoid. He was also clear with me that he could not keep this person out of every single shot because there are times when people are in the background of other shots and it is completely out of his control - but he could limit the deliberate video taping of 'antics'.