Twenty Questions to ask before you get married (Oprah)

Thought this was interesting ~ even after getting married

Home

What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?

Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization? Is one or both of us neat? Messy? A 'pack rat?' An organizational wizard?


Money

How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Ten? Who is responsible for which portion? Now? In one year? Five? Ten?

What is our ultimate financial goal regarding annual income, and when do we anticipate achieving it? By what means, and through what efforts?

What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend? Now? In one year? Five? Ten?


Work

How much time will each of us spend at work, and during what hours? Do we begin work early? Will we prefer to work into the evening?

If one of us doesn't want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be okay?

How ambitious are you? Are we comfortable with the other's level of ambition?


Sex

Am I comfortable giving and receiving love, sexually? In sex, does my partner feel my love for him or her?

Are we satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched? A little? A lot? For a night? A week? A month? A year? More?


Health and Food

Do we eat meals together? Which ones? Who is responsible for the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Who cleans up afterward?

Is each of us happy with the other's approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (e.g., smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?


Family

What place does the other's family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? How often? For what length of time?

If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have to their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together?


Children

Will we have children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to each of us?

How will having a child change the way we live now? Will we want or be able to take time off from work, or work a reduced schedule? For how long? In the months or years following the birth of our child, will we need to rethink who is responsible for housekeeping?


Community and Friends

Are we satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends we currently have? Would we like to be more involved socially? Are we overwhelmed socially, and do we need to cut back on such commitments?

What are my partner's needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside of our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?


Spiritual Life

Do we share a religion? Do we belong to a church, synagogue, mosque or temple? More than one? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation?

Does one of us have an individual spiritual practice? Is the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? Does each partner understand and respect the other's choices?

Re: Twenty Questions to ask before you get married (Oprah)

Some VERY important questions in there!

Re: Twenty Questions to ask before you get married (Oprah)

yes this is good-this was my precana

Re: Twenty Questions to ask before you get married (Oprah)

My raabi won't marry couples without religious counseling. So, we have to go for 6 sessions throughout the year, all of of which have to do with these kinds of questions and thoughts.

Re: Twenty Questions to ask before you get married (Oprah)

That is a great list.

Re: Twenty Questions to ask before you get married (Oprah)

That's an awesome list!!! As much as we make fun of pre-cana, I think it's soooo important.

Re: Twenty Questions to ask before you get married (Oprah)

We are getting married by a spiritual officiant, I am going to look into a pre-martial session or something like that, it would be interesting and I think it is important to go over a few things, even though it feels like we've been together forever
(9 years)!

Re: Twenty Questions to ask before you get married (Oprah)

These are great. I have to print them out and make my fi answer these... just to see how compatible (sp?) we are right now and what we have to work on.

Re: Twenty Questions to ask before you get married (Oprah)

Wow, very detailed! Those are extremely important questions!!!!

Re: Twenty Questions to ask before you get married (Oprah)

This is great.

You know what is true and at the same time sad-

some people are married and have not even touched on these topics.

Re: Twenty Questions to ask before you get married (Oprah)

Thanks for this- wait til I bring this home to my fiance- he already thinks I worship at the altar of Oprah!