email from mom

Saskatchewan drunk

Recently, during a routine patrol, an RCMP patrolman
parked down the street outside the Legion Hall just off
the main Street at Estevan, Saskatchewan ...

After last call, the officer observed a man leaving the
Legion Hall. The gentleman was so intoxicated that he
could barely walk. He then stumbled around the parking lot
for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After
what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five
different vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he
fell into.

He sat there for a few minutes and then threw a hook and
line out the window and seemed to be trying to catch a
fish.. A number of other patrons paid no attention to this
crazy drunk as they left the bar and drove off.


Finally the drunk started the car, switched the wipers on
and off (it was a fine, dry summer night) flicked
the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn, and
switched on the headlights.

He then pulled in the hook and line and moved the vehicle
forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained
still for a few more minutes as some more of the other
patron vehicles left.

At last, the parking lot empty; he pulled out of the
parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.

The officer, having patiently waited all this time, now
started up the patrol car, put on the flashing
lights, and promptly pulled the man over. He
performed a breathalyser test on the gentleman who cooperated
fully, and to his amazement the breathalyser
indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any
alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, 'I'll have to ask you to
accompany me to Headquarters. This breathalyser equipment
must be broken.'

'I doubt it,' said the truly proud Saskie, 'Tonight I'm
the designated decoy.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stray cat - a wife's tale
Don't argue with your wife ... or her friends!

One winter day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.' The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her.

My husband (the complainer) said, 'OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks .' He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him . My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye .

The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', My husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O' . They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion .

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet . The GP's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor . A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, 'Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose! Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant! God only knows who the father is!' Then he closed the door. The silence was deafening .


Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Guys Fairy Tale


Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess... “Will you marry me?”

The Princess said “NO!”

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.


The End

Re: email from mom

Never heard these ones before!