I'm a bad/confused wife....

I'm soo confused, ashamed, hurt, guilty, etc. I've been married for less than a year and I started having an online affair w/married man about a month ago. We mutually decided to end it today because it was getting too out of hand and way too intense.

A little background:

My husband and I have been together nearly a decade. We both believed nothing about our relationship would change after we married. That was true for the most part for the first few months. Then over the summer things started to get bad; him working late, constant arguing, name calling, etc. Over the last two months we barely saw each other, didn't sleep in the same room and it seemed like we were always angry at each other and resented being married. I started feeling alone and desperate. One night during a fight, he said alot of cruel things, things soo personal and hurtful they almost changed forever how I felt about him. The things he said made me question if he was ever attracted to me or loved me. Somehow I reconnected w/a male friend from junior high. I haven't seen/heard from him in over 14 years. We started emailing each other; intending it to be only a friendly situation. We were merely kids when we last parted, but we were the closest of friends during that time in our life. A few emails into things and he revealed that he had always had a major crush on me, but he never told me because he was afraid of rejection. I never thought of him in a romantic sense, so I thought we could discuss it without things getting complicated. Obviously I was wrong. He started becoming very intense with the things he was saying. He too, was experiencing big time problems in his marriage. His wife was cruel, showed no signs of affection, etc. He started telling me the way he felt/was starting to feel about me. At first I was very uncomfortable about the whole thing. But then his words really started to get to me. He said all the things I was desperate to hear; he loved me, needed me, appreciated having me there to talk to etc. His words started melting my heart and he was on my mind constantly. For weeks I lived with a pain in my chest and a knot in my stomach. Within the last week, things got way too intense when we both started to plot to leave our spouses to be with each other. I guess it all climaxed when we spoke on the phone yesterday and knew that things were getting to the point of no return.

I'm a bad/confused wife....

Confused,

Stop beating yourself up. You and your husband are not 'the perfect couple', (I know it's a newsflash) Nobody is. You felt lost and alone and reached out to someone. The person you were supposed to reach out to let you down, you have
to share the blame 'with' your husband. The vows are great promises or guidelines to follow, they are not mortal sins. The guilt you feel today will pale in time but, you will never forget it. I don't recommend you tell your husband just yet.

Confused!

Please don't put yourself down. What you are feeling is totally human. That what we all are. Emotions/Hurt/Pain and even Love affect how you feel. Please try to over-come your feelings of guilt and look at this in a different way.

You came to your senses and decided that your marriage was worth another try... that in itself is a wonderful step. You did make the right decision!! Try to say to yourself 'I've made my mistakes, I've learned from them and now I'm starting new'. Keep telling yourself that. Best of luck to you. HUG!

I'm a bad/confused wife....

Confused, I do agree with some but not all of the other postings...for whatever its worth...the most important aspect of this is that you have realigned with what matters to you and are refocused on your marriage. It is very easy for married people - esp in the first year - to forget all the important things we did when we were dating. The respect, the attention, the kindness. To get so caught up in all the crap that we lose perspective, can be distanct and sometimes down right cruel. I am happy that you and your husband have reconnected and are focused on your marriage.

Re: telling...really examine your motivation in sharing your online affair. get a handle on what you want to accomplish. if its just to ease your own guilt then i would advise no. the pain it would cause him, in my opinion, does not off set the benefits. even though the affair was only emotional, it was enough for you to consider ending your 10 year relationship and can cause more issues than the real on you need to focus on. besides, your 'affair' was only the result a much deeper issue between you and your husband. that should be your focus.

I'm a human being.

'But I let myself fall into this mess, so any pain I feel right now I guess I deserve.'