sorry guys- has anyone experienced a tapering off?

For my little pity party I have been throwing myself these last 2 days. Just am excited that here we are approaching the one year mark..and it looks like a big fizzle. I thought the romance/excitement/gushing goes out of the relationship at the 7 year mark. If this is happening now, what am I to expect? (I feel like such a loser- not very good for self image) And when the kids come, how much more is this going to decline? (if it declines any further we wont have to worry about kids- hehe) oh yeah, I know - it is the TIMING of it all...Since I work late in Manhatten- and dont get home until 8 or later ...then I guess maybe well- then what can I expect? right? So much for waiting to share THAT experience with the guy you will spend your life with. Seems like I waited a long time...and he had his share of girlfriends before. (do oysters really work?-wink!) ARGH- pity party continues

Sounds more like work burn-out!

Hi Phyl; Getting home at 8:00? Sounds like you`re putting in 12 - 13 hour days and you`re just plain exhausted! I`ve been there!!! It makes you feel like everything is just plain wrong and you feel miserable. Sounds like what you really need is to get away from your regular routine and have someone pamper you. Your husband probably needs the same thing. So the trick is to find a creative way to do that locally if you are not going to go away for a short trip. Here are some more suggestions. New Hope, PA is about a 2 hour drive and it`s going against the holiday traffic. Charming restuarants, shops and antique places, plus nature hikes, etc. Make it a day trip or stay overnight, although the quaint inns will want multiple nights on a weekend so you may be better off on a weekday. Woodstock, NY - TinkerTown Tubes is great - you could have a blast floating down the river in inner tubes- especially fun with a group. A couple of hours north of NYC. If you are definately staying on LI; you mentioned wanting someone else to make the beds, cook the food and wash the dishes. It would take a little pre-planning, but maybe you could avoid all that. Step One: Make a pact - no housework or chores allowed during the vacation week. Get the major stuff done the weekend before - do the essential laundry, do some grocery shopping, plan the menus, etc, and make sure that anything you need for going back to work after is all set so you don`t end the vacation getting ready for the work week. Next step: All food has to be easy - a picnic, BBQ, Deli Sandwiches or Carry out. Eat easy, summer food - fruits, pasta salads, etc. Eat it off of paper plates. If you`re able to prepare something ahead of time then do it. Or, if he likes to cook, them make the meal itself an adventure. Plan a menu where you both cook together and try something you`ve never done before - home made bread? Pasta sauce from scratch? Indulge with a decadent cheesecake? Let it be fun, not a chore, to eat. Go out for breakfasts - get coffee and muffins and eat on the boardwalk with the morning paper. Find a park, get a good book and a blanket and pick up deli sandwiches and enjoy the warm weather and just relax! Get out on the water - take a ferry ride to Fire Island and go to a beach there, or have lunch and come home before the crowds. Go on a weekday. What about the riverboat cruise on the Peconic. Do you like to fish? What about a party-boat do to some fishing? Go to a different beach than Long Beach. Find a place to go canoeing. Let your husband know that you just need to relax without chores and need to be pampered a bit. That may be enough to get him going to plan a surprise day or evening. You may want to do the same for him - let him feel totally pampered one day. Last step: Write him a letter or make a small book listing all the reasons you married him. I did something similar for my husband when we were dating. Each page listed a reason why he was special. It really makes you think, and it meant a lot to him to see that I took the time to put it all in writing. I hope the vacation works out for you! Karen PS - if you decide on coming to Boston let me know - I live there and we`ll be around that week - we can plan to have dinner or lunch!

Phyl - I know where you are coming from!

I also work in the city and it's a long day!! up at 5 or 5:30 home by 7 or 8...who can be bothered!?!? I was teasing him the other day saying that if we ever want to have a baby we're actually going to have to start having sex, which may be impossible at this point!! LOL...I think we are all tired and it requires more effort than it used to. I know that now that we have a house, there is just so much to DO, besides working all day, that it is overwhelming. Don't know how your honey feels about this idea, but my sister and I have gone here several times and there are plenty of couples who go...we are planning to go ourselves later this year: the Norwich Inn and Spa in CT. You can go for a long weekend and be pampered like crazy. It is down the road from the Mohegan Sun casino and not far from Mystic, ct which is a fun place to spend the weekend by itself.. keep your chin up! I think it only gets better!!

thanks for your kind words

and great ideas...I have a lot of thinking to do!

mystic?hmm

another good idea. I knew I came to the right place...he is def not the spa type altho a dip into a whirlpool is always nice

mystic?hmm

Phyl, Try this website for a few ideas. http://www.tourism.state.ct.us/ I totally understand where you are coming from, and we were only married in February lol. I work in the city, commute to Westchester and my husband is a NYC fireman who is studying for the Lt's test. Also factor in and 8 year old son and you can see we barely have time to breathe. Hang in there things will be fine, just don't put too much pressure on yourselves.

Mystic

My husband and I have had some really nice long weekends at Mystic. We have stayed at the Holiday Inn which is right across the street from the Mystic Aquarium and a shopping area. We have explored Mystic Seaport and ate great meals in these very quaint places. There are also the casinos not too far away and outlet malls and I'm sure plenty of other things - if you check one of the hotel websites they are bound to list other activities nearby...

Mystic - some other stuff

besides the seaport and the aquarium there is olde mystick village, some wineries, the mashantucket indian village, and boating trips out of mystic port...if you are interested in this kind of thing try www.mashantucket.com

Michelle-Derek is studying for the LT test too :o) *NM*

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'The Road Less Travelled'?

Yes, I believe I have...& that I even still have the boo on my shelf. It may be time to pick it up again! I've read your post nodding my head...but I am not at that point yet ..accepting that the one thing I needed him to do- to make me feel special..is not happening now. Ive read all the books & heard all the talk about how we need to realize how differently men & woman talk, think, process info, etc...so wwe need to specific with our wants, we need to communticates blah, blah..and I did it. now it is up to me to find out what 'I' did wrong?? I better take notes on this...and rememeber to relay this info to my son(if I ever have one) this way he will not do the same. ARRGH! Tired of being the one that compensates...arent' we in this TOGETHER?

'The Road Less Travelled'?

I feel the same way you do Phyl, so don`t feel like you`re in this alone. I`m near the point of separation because I`ve done all the talking I can tolerate and the situations at home don`t improve. I told him this weekend that he needs to be the one to convince ME to save the marriage because I`m convinced it`s pretty much OVER. You may not be at that point but I`m tired of feeling like the things I want from the marriage (communication, quality time, consideration, etc.) are unreasonable or not within the realm of possibility. I might as well be alone if being in this union is soo disappointing. Of course, the issues are all mine, how typical of him to push off the blame on me exclusively....

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Beautifully said! *NM*

ok,ok thank you

thanks karen, and to all the ladies who have been patient with my posts. Maybe I have worn out your patience a bit too and I apologize. I needed to sort through things with people who are at a similiar ( newlywed) stage in their lives. I really didnt mean to drag this on.. All of you had some good points (thats why I posted it here! ;0) I will do some deep thinking on this one.. thank you again!

Definitely no need to apologize Phyl

Everyone needs to be able to talk about what`s going on in their lives. I don`t know if you are talking to family/friends about these feelings (I got the feeling that you aren`t from one post). I know sometimes it`s hard to do that because they are emotionally involved in your life and will hold a judgement and a forum like this feels safer to get it out. But you do need to discuss it to be able to work through it. Keep posting and keep an open mind :o)

Absolutely!

Gosh, no need at all to apologize for posting! Marriage problems are very difficult - you are dealing with a great deal of stress right now and should feel free to talk about it as much as needed! I do wish you and your hubby much luck during this difficult time.