TGI FINALLY FRIDAY FUNNIES! 2*18*11 (more about 4 replies down)

--
When it is winter, never assume that because it was above freezing yesterday, the ice is gone and you can wear four inch stiletto boots. It's not, you will fall inf front of a large crowd of people, and it will hurt. #LFMF
--
When you slip and fall backwards out of the bath, the shower curtain will not arrest your fall. The floor, however, will. #LFMF
--









“My mom is not willing to give to the world her cure for sunburns, fortunately.”

--
sorry thats it for now. i have to go move filing cabinets.

Re: TGI FINALLY FRIDAY FUNNIES! 2*18*11

RICK ROLLISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE IT

Re: TGI FINALLY FRIDAY FUNNIES! 2*18*11

I love Thriller 1903.

Re: TGI FINALLY FRIDAY FUNNIES! 2*18*11

Thriller 1903!

Re: TGI FINALLY FRIDAY FUNNIES! 2*18*11

my fave is 'garbage only, not trash!'

Re: TGI FINALLY FRIDAY FUNNIES! 2*18*11

Why do you know so many dogs!

Re: TGI FINALLY FRIDAY FUNNIES! 2*18*11

okay.. while i have a few minutes.. here are some more:






--
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
--
Today, at work my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said 'What's up *****? What are you going to complain about now?!' It was actually my boss. FML
--
Today, my boyfriend renamed all the contacts in my phone to see if I'd notice. Thanks to him, I've been sending dirty texts to my boss. The worst part is my boss was responding back. FML
--
Today, I found out that the mysterious yellow mould that won't come off my apartment floor is in fact the remains of a condom my room-mate used when she was f*cking her boyfriend in my bed. Afterwards, she apparently threw it on the floor and let it lie there. For three weeks. FML

--
(605):

and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
--
(503):

So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
--
(360):

Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
--
(209):

you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
--
(317):

He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
(1-317):

He's the ******* cop whisperer.
--
(440):

Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be 'I just farted a little'
--
(804):

I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
--
(210):

If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
--
(913):

she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
--
okay. the end.
happy friday!

Re: TGI FINALLY FRIDAY FUNNIES! 2*18*11 (more about 4 replies down)

---

Posted by Im_My_Own_Princess

(913):

she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
--
okay. the end.
happy friday!

---

For some reason I found this to be extra funny.

ETA: Maybe because I know exactly what he means about those lightning bolts! I'm afraid to pet my dogs!

Re: TGI FINALLY FRIDAY FUNNIES! 2*18*11 (more about 4 replies down)

'I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face'

I've done this!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: TGI FINALLY FRIDAY FUNNIES! 2*18*11 (more about 4 replies down)

---

Posted by jilliibabii

---

Posted by Im_My_Own_Princess

(913):

she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
--
okay. the end.
happy friday!

---

For some reason I found this to be extra funny.

ETA: Maybe because I know exactly what he means about those lightning bolts! I'm afraid to pet my dogs!

---

DH managed to light a light bulb several times the other night.. just by touching it after he stepped on the carpet.

i feel so bad for our kitten. she shocks EVERYTHING she touches. she's always jumping.

Re: TGI FINALLY FRIDAY FUNNIES! 2*18*11 (more about 4 replies down)

---

Posted by dctead



'I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face'

I've done this!!!!!!!!!!!!

---

i did this making the bed when dh and i first came home from our HM.
we had gotten into a bad fight (moving his bed from mils to our house) and i decided to make the bed by myself... well i fought the sheet onto the bed. and it snapped, i punched myself in the eye and fell into the wall, bashing my head and hitting my back.

ends up i was trying to put a full sized sheet on a queen sized bed.

Re: TGI FINALLY FRIDAY FUNNIES! 2*18*11 (more about 4 replies down)

DH HATES toolbars!!!