Trying times- adjusting to the married life

HI there Ladies, thought I'd post this ?s and get the board humming with some reponses... How has your adjustment to married life gone? What have been the most trying things you have encountered?

Are you okay?

Sounds like you may have hit one of those lovely marital bumps! Blech - horrible. What's going on?

well..

yeah, I guess so.Actually it just may be a combination of overwork & over extending wkends. Been working the last month or so 'til 8 or 9pm 3 days a week..then 1-1/2 commute home. Weekends sleep a bit later but then there are those errands that you never get to during the wk. Couple that with the fact that Rob is now I full fledged Aux police Officer- so he is out one nite a wk...and then 2 hours here- 2 hours there for training. Guess I am just feeling neglected, having no fun and nothing seems to count anymore. Other than that, all is well. :0)

I feel that way too sometimes

You're not alone Phyllis. My husband works late 3 nights a week and sometimes I don't even see him when he gets home. On some of his early nights, he goes to practice with the band, which is really tough. I love him and know he loves what he is doing and he does make it up other ways. It is very trying at times for me and sometimes I feel lonely or negelected. I think that it's common with more wives than we think. Hang in there. The special quiet times together will be even nicer.

well..

I have been going through the same thing lately. We don`t live in NY but our families are there so we drive the 5 hours to NY pretty often and it`s getting to us. It makes for a long week when we are so tired from the trip. And, like you mentioned, there are those errands to do that we cannot get to during the week. Unfortunately, those errands take up most of each day!!! What we did recently is decided to start dropping things (like laundry) to make time for each other. The items that we think are impt (cleaning the house) really are not. So far it is working out a lot better. Try to give up some of the errands just to have an extra hour together. The errands can wait (usually they can). The week nights are very difficult when one or bother of you have to work late. Try to scale down by one night and only work late 2 times a week. It might help. Good luck. You are not alone.

scaling back- kk and katie

Scaling back to working 1 or 2 nights late a week is not a choice available to me. I am not a shift worker- and I dont work only specific days of the week. I work in advertising & as everyone knows the economy is not good at all. There are several companies that are scaling back/losing clients,etc and there have been big layoffs. Now is not the time to not be a team player and pull your weight. My boss would laugh right in my face if I suggested I needed to leave at 6pm cuz I am a newly wed. She'd tell me to just not bother coming in at all... SO...that is not an option and the errands/chores are done together,yes and all a part of having a home together. I just want the time we are together to be SPENT TOGETHER. No computer, phone,tv,satellite,radios Aux police, etc. ARRGH seems like he spends more time on his hobbies... and working than anything else. what's my hobby? sleep when I can get it. (Imagine when the kids come?) no hobbies and no goals. oh boy

scaling back- Phyl

Keep your head up. My husband works a lot and so do I. On top of that I travel about 40% of the time. It makes it very difficult for us to find time together. Like your husband, mine likes his hobbies and always seems to have something else in mind when I just want to spend time with him. I try to be understanding and spend time with him doing whatever he has planned. Even when it's woodworking!!! I know it's difficult but I just try to keep my head up and have a positive attitude. It works most of the time but sometimes it doesn't. I too feel like, 'Where's my Hobby?', 'When do I get a Break?'. The answer generally is 'never'. Hopefully it will get better for you. Another thing I would advise is to talk to your hubby about how you feel. Maybe he can try to re-prioritize his schedule so it accommodates more time together with you. Keep smiling!! I'm sure it will all work out.

scaling back- Phyl

I understand what you mean Phyl...I worked at an advertising agency too and was laid off because of the economy. Now that I am home my hubby still does his own thing. It's not like he has a productive hobby...he watches sports. Now I do all the house work because I'm home. I hate it. I can't wait to go back to work so everything is 50/50 again. Venting, venting, venting!!!

scaling back- kk and katie

I think that we all will experience this. I thought it was my relationship until others told me that's the way it is. Women are just nurturing/take-care/let's do this type of people. Guys, I THINK!, get comfortable and it's hard to keep things new and exciting. I am a card/hugging/kissy person, whereas my husband is not. I knew this going in and it's okay. Sometimes I wish he would be more huggy. My family is very much like that; his is not. Not much hugging or kissing in his family. I think he loves every minute of it when I do it, but it's not in him. Get this! I have yet to receive a card from him 'TO MY WIFE'. I'll be married one year next month. Sometimes it bothers me, but he does other things. Yesterday he brought home the biggest Easter Lily I've ever seen, one to plant in the yard, which I love doing and have been doing all weekend. That's his way of saying Happy Easter and I love you. I still wish though sometimes I could have a card from him. UGH! venting too.

scaling back- kk and katie

Read all the advice while nodding my head in agreement. This sounds childish I know- but I feel left out- and only left out of the FUN stuff. Did talk a little bit but I think it works better for us if I talk about it WHEN it is happening. Gotta learn not to wait and see... Rob actually came up with the idea that since he is always' home b4 me, that he would reconvert the kitchen tonight...and put away all the Passover dishes/pots/utensils/linens/glassware. What a relief that he is actually thinking of that! thanks for the venting..I am trying not to 'cave in' to al lhe does esp sice I was sooo indep for such a long time... lost both parents by the time I was 22..and I am trying not to fall into the trap of ' a good wife' Rob ac