Re: awkward situation

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Posted by flyingseapigeon

First, you are all adults- she should handle the situation on her own, and not put you in the awkward situation of mediating. You are the bride, not the banker.

If she can't afford dinner, she shouldnt go. I would suggest you disappear to the bathroom when the check comes and take the night off from dealing with petty nonsense.

Have fun!

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But she is not friendly w/ those girls...the bride is. It's not fair to the girl w/ no money to be singled out in front of strangers. People who have financial circumstances like this may already feel out of placed and some what embarressed...

It's not very adult to go hide in the bathroom either. Unfortunately, these situations come up. It's nice that some people make a lot of money and can afford drinks at $7 a pop, but some people can't.

Either have her meet you later or do something seperate w/ her at another time.

Re: awkward situation

I would just accomodate her wishes. why not?

she can chip in for your meal also, but I don't see why she should have to subsidize someone else's expensive order, esp if she doesn't really know that person and the person who's ordering a lot makes a lot of money. that's really inconsiderate of the person who's ordering things that cost much more... IMO, she should offer to put in more $$.

it's not a big deal to let your other friend have a separate check, if she's ok with it.

OR set a ground rule ahead of time that if people are ordering wildly different amts, we'll 'prorate' the check division.

I say stick up for your friend and don't let the other girls throw her attitude about it!

JMO, but I do think it's the bride's responsibility to see that everyone is comfortable, esp ppl that are not friends with the rest of the bp.

Re: awkward situation

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Posted by shellibean

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Posted by Brassgirl9

That's a tough one but I think you should tell everyone that they should pay for their part of the bill instead of splitting it because not everyone is plans on drinking. That way you're not singling her out as someone that doesn't have a lot of money.

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I agree! That way your friend who is worried about the $$ can order what she can afford, and she could be there for you as well!

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I agree...whether you are broke or not you whould have to pay for someones extravagent outing...(unless it is the bride of course). I dont see what is wrong with paying fro what you order.

Re: awkward situation

I don't see why a separate check would be such a stretch for anyone but the waitress. I've been stiffed by my friend's friends way too many times to hold this against this girl.

Re: awkward situation

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Posted by Wintersbride

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Posted by flyingseapigeon

First, you are all adults- she should handle the situation on her own, and not put you in the awkward situation of mediating. You are the bride, not the banker.

If she can't afford dinner, she shouldnt go. I would suggest you disappear to the bathroom when the check comes and take the night off from dealing with petty nonsense.

Have fun!

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But she is not friendly w/ those girls...the bride is. It's not fair to the girl w/ no money to be singled out in front of strangers. People who have financial circumstances like this may already feel out of placed and some what embarressed...

It's not very adult to go hide in the bathroom either. Unfortunately, these situations come up. It's nice that some people make a lot of money and can afford drinks at $7 a pop, but some people can't.

Either have her meet you later or do something seperate w/ her at another time.

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I have to agree..In this situation, it's the bride's responsibility to make all her BMs feel comfortable. Yeah, it's the bride's wedding, but there is something to be said for being gracious and polite and making sure others are comfortable.

I would either see if you can arrange something with the restaurant, or take charge of the bill when it comes and set the example of figuring out what you owe for what you ate.

I think it's commendable that you're concerned about this, and that you're trying to make sure no one feels left out or uncomfortable.

Re: awkward situation

Let her get the separate check! Nothing irks me more than 'splitting the check evenly'... I have very inexpensive taste when it comes to dinner and usually get a diet coke. I DESPISE having to pay for other peoples $12 grey goose martinis.

Re: awkward situation

well it happened this past saturday, and she wound up not going . i tried, but i didnt want to make her feel uncomfortable about it. she met up for drinks beforehand and she suggested that we she would take me out some other time.

Re: awkward situation

i would feel awarkward asking for a seperate check.. might just be me, but as a good friend of hers, i'd just suggest at the beginging of dinner, were all going to split up the bill at the end and were each going to pay for what we ordered and our percentage of the tip. Its only fair, its kinda awkward having to single herself out and ask for a seperate check, and she sholud not leave herself out because of it. then theres going to have to be the excuse where she was when she meets u out for drinks later. good luck!!

Re: awkward situation

Honestly, I understand where she is coming from because I dont drink. Ill go out to dinner and everyone else will be sloppy drunk, Im the designated driver and I we end up splitting the bill evenly to be polite, and I always dread it b/c I have to pay an arm and a leg for french fries and soup or something.

I would jut tell her to pay for what she buys and help out a little with the tip. Maybe you could say something, 'like ___ dont worry about it, you didnt really have anything, you can just pay for your plate.'
I know its awkward no matter how its done.

Re: awkward situation

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Posted by kristina

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Posted by seta

it sounds like to me that she can't really afford to go to dinner. and she is going because she does not want to dissapoint you..to be honest with you, i would just tell her that you understand that she can't afford it and to just meet you for drinks....why dread the bill the whole night? I think it will also save her from being embarressed infront of your other guests..

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Agreed.

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yes me too.. and i can understand where your friend is coming from. i get sucked into going out with certain people who, without thinking twice about it, drink like we are in college again and order soup to nuts everything-- and then when the bill comes i end up paying 80 dollars when i had a chicken wrap with water... it's hard but most of the time i go b/c the person it is being held for is important to me. but i guess there aren't a lot of people who think before they do things like order a ton of stuff. i mean, it especially gets worse when the group gets smaller. when there's only four of us and two girls ordered $60 worth of drinks and a ton of food and the other two just ordered a soda and their meal-- it's just not 'fair' but i think that what the above poster wrote would be the easiest thing. i think the main reason she asked you to have a seperate check was maybe to get an 'out' and have you feel bad and say: oh i'm sorry, how about just come for drinks after? it sounds like something i have tried to do in the past to get out of spending crazy money when i did nothing but go along with the crowd!

i hope it works out and i hope either way that you have a great time at your BP!!