Re: Meeting with the priest...

Just out of curiousity, how does the priest counsel differently?

Re: Meeting with the priest...

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Posted by carlsbride

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Posted by M&S Sept12006

I understand what you're saying, but it really is a little white lie. I mean I think there are WAY worst things that people lie about. I do agree that we would probably get counseled a little differently, but the counseling that we all need I think has little to do with the technicality of actually 'living together'. I think it has to do more with moral decision-making, loyalty, spirituality, sexuality etc etc...I dont know...thats just my take on it. I think letting the priest know whether or not we live together would make much of a difference in how we get counseled but it could make things a lot worst...I've heard that people were denied to be married bc of something like this.

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How is a white lie different from a lie? Thou shall not tell a lie (except white ones?) The extra counseling you would receive has nothing to do with technicalities of living together. It has to do with the spiritual aspects of your living together before marriage. If that was God sitting there interviewing you, would you lie to him?

It sounds like you are convincing yourself to take the easy way out. But I am telling you, it is no way to start a marriage. Sorry, I just can't sit by and watch others encourage each other to do what is harmful.

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Im sorry but I think you're taking this whole thing a little too seriously...for crying out loud we are LIVING together, not selling our bodies for money or killing or stealing...we are living together in a monogomous relationship and are planning to get married...jeesh

Re: Meeting with the priest...

I've lived with FH for 2 and a half years myself, so I just wanted to know for when I meet with my priest.

Re: Meeting with the priest...

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Posted by SOON TO BE MRS. B

Carlsbride - I think your post and the overall sentiment of your comments is way out of line. You do not know me or my FH so I wonder how exactly you think it is appropriate to give some sort of opinion on our relationship or the counseling we need. This is a forum for brides to be free to discuss their feelings openly and I find your comments to be very offensive and rude.

My only comment was that it is up to the individuals to make a decision as to what the believe is right, clearly you have a different opinion but there is a nice way to disagree.

Actually, your post almost gives credence to my thoughts as I feel you are judging my relationship by the fact that I live with my FH.

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I love it, I am encouraging someone to not lie to a PRIEST and I am rude and offensive? I gave NO Opinion or JUDGED anyone's relationship-I am saying do not Lie!

I pointed out that you stated something that is not true (about the counseling). This board is for helping people, not telling them lies or for leading them astray.

Re: Meeting with the priest...

I do take my marriage seriously, as does the RC Church, which is why they make such a big deal out of the marriage preparation process.

Re: Meeting with the priest...

Hey Sylvia - I wouldn't worry too much about your interview. They ask you guys different questions about what you believe regarding marriage, relationships and kids. He interviewed us separately to see if our answers matched and they did!!! Thank God!!!

He said if they didn't then they would just ask us to communicate our feelings and try to come to an agreement.

As far as telling him about you guys living together. I know your hesitation and it's only natural. I would say, do what you think is right in your heart. When you're there you may feel a little more comfortable telling him the truth. They may just ask you different questions. God already knows you live together!!!

Re: Meeting with the priest...

Ladies, I didn't realize that this is such a sensitive topic, but we really need to respect each other's opinions. Carlsbride, you totally have the right to your opinion and I totally respect that...the same goes to Soon To Be Mrs. B...we're all adults and make our own personal decisions...no need to judge one another.

Thank you for all your opinions.

Re: Meeting with the priest...

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Posted by MrsFelix

Hey Sylvia - I wouldn't worry too much about your interview. They ask you guys different questions about what you believe regarding marriage, relationships and kids. He interviewed us separately to see if our answers matched and they did!!! Thank God!!!

He said if they didn't then they would just ask us to communicate our feelings and try to come to an agreement.

As far as telling him about you guys living together. I know your hesitation and it's only natural. I would say, do what you think is right in your heart. When you're there you may feel a little more comfortable telling him the truth. They may just ask you different questions. God already knows you live together!!!

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Thats why I love you girl!

Re: Meeting with the priest...

Hey Sylwia!!

When we met with the priest he asked us; How long have you been together??? we said 12 years....he looked at us and nodded....then he asked if we live together...we said, yes for the past 7 years....he nodded.....

then he just smiled and said I will not ask the question (sex question) because I already know the answer....we laughed and he said that as long as we love & respect eachother, he will not lecture us on pre-marriage sex.....

I guess he is pretty liberal...

Re: Meeting with the priest...

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Posted by vita930

Hey Sylwia!!

When we met with the priest he asked us; How long have you been together??? we said 12 years....he looked at us and nodded....then he asked if we live together...we said, yes for the past 7 years....he nodded.....

then he just smiled and said I will not ask the question (sex question) because I already know the answer....we laughed and he said that as long as we love & respect eachother, he will not lecture us on pre-marriage sex.....

I guess he is pretty liberal...

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Lucky you!

He is a nice man but according to my sister-very strict...so I guess I have to talk to Mike about it...I really have mixed feelings about the whole thing now...I guess when we both meet with him, depending on how we feel we'll decide on what to say...I really would like to have a close relationship with him as we're preparing to be married by him...but we'll see...I'll keep you posted!

Re: Meeting with the priest...

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Posted by M&S Sept12006

Ladies, I didn't realize that this is such a sensitive topic, but we really need to respect each other's opinions. Carlsbride, you totally have the right to your opinion and I totally respect that...the same goes to Soon To Be Mrs. B...we're all adults and make our own personal decisions...no need to judge one another.

Thank you for all your opinions.

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I think it's hard to read someones intentions by reading a post sometimes. I didn't take it as anyone judging anyone else. I think other's just have different opinions which probably stems from how we were raised.

IMO he the priest asks you I think you should tell the truth. You will probably be very surprised by his response and spent all this time worrying for nothing. I believe the priests are there to guide us and teach us. I don't believe they will judge. IMO

Re: Meeting with the priest...

Our priest was terrific (Father Gus from St Kilian's) - he was warm and welcoming and didn't ask any questions that were not on the printed questionaire. (Have you ever been married? Do you have any children? etc...) The only question that seemed a little strange to me was something about whether or not you had ever had psychological counseling. I'm still not sure where that one fit in exactly...

Re: Meeting with the priest...

I am meeting with my Pastor on Monday and my friend met with him prior to getting married also. And she told me that she told him that they lived together and based of that I have to agree the couseling differs depending the situation so I would say to be honest.

I also live with FI and will be telling him, when 2 people live together they have a different relationship that two people that don't so the counseling will be different.


My opinion, why lie, is who you are and regardless of that....you are there to see him because you want to get married and he has to respect that.

But in the end....you have to do what is best for you .... good luck

Re: Meeting with the priest...

wow i wish i would have read this thread before i went to see my priest.. i was so uneasy.. but it was really shot and ease.. kept us in the same room.. i din't lie about anything..b/cf he really didn't ask us anything..

he asked about physical location of where we live...not if we lived together.. no sex ??'s..

he asked about if our parents are together and if they are still alive..

Re: Meeting with the priest...

Ok I met with the msg.. not the priest who is marrying us ( didn't meet him yet).. and he asked us questions like are you entering this marriage willingly.. etc.. easy ones..

My FI and I are moving in together in two weeks... I am unsure if I will tell the priest only because I feel it is hard for them to absorb and would rather it not happen....

I would advise to go with whatever you feel comfortable doing... that is how everyone should approach their faith to begin with... it may mean more sessions...
personally, I would rather be counseled by a counselor with a degree in counseling if I were to be counseled...
Don't get me wrong I am not saying I don't believe in Priests work, only I think if I had to speak with someone about my belief in God, I would consult a priest. If I was worried about my relationship, I would call a counselor!

Re: Meeting with the priest...

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Posted by 69


Don't get me wrong I am not saying I don't believe in Priests work, only I think if I had to speak with someone about my belief in God, I would consult a priest. If I was worried about my relationship, I would call a counselor!

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I couldn't agree more- it would be hard for me to take advice from someone who has never experinced a relationship- like marriage
and the other thing they don;t do

Re: Meeting with the priest...

i am sure you can only guess that I also agree!!! well put ladies!

Re: Meeting with the priest...

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Posted by carlsbride

I do take my marriage seriously, as does the RC Church, which is why they make such a big deal out of the marriage preparation process.

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I'm with you Christine. Lying is lying.

It seems like several brides posted here are so against the Church. If so, then why are you so compelled to get married in one? Why not just get married by a Judge?

Re: Meeting with the priest...

We met w/ the priest a few weeks ago & we're not kids (in our 30's)...we've lived together since April, we met w/ the Monsignor who is marrying us & is totally old school. We decided beforehand NOT to tell him we live together. He WILL ask for both of your addresses so be prepared, my FH paused when they asked for his phone number (then gave his parents). Knowing this priest, I think WE made the right decision in not telling him.

It is YOUR decision.

I was also flipping out when he said okay, now I'm going to ask Ray some q's, can you step outside for a minute. I was like OMG.

Yet he only asked if we are coming into the marriage free from pressure & on our own free will & if we will foresake all others & raise our children Catholic.

Don't sweet it.

Let us know how it goes.

Re: Meeting with the priest...

I was very nervous when meeting with my Church. FI & I have a child together and also have lived with each other for 4 years.

We where SO scared to tell them that we have a child together and that they would not let us get married in there Church.

But to our surprise not only were they SO caring but they offered to involve her into the ceremony. So we will have a little family prayer for our daughter SO she will feel special.