Wedding Forums > Brides Helping Brides ™ > Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
ZuzusPetals
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 12:55 PM+
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 12:55 PM
Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
I am so sorry to hear about this. I can't imagine how frustrated you are and rightfully so. I hope in the end it all works out. Best of luck!Please let me know when you start making invitations. My wedding is in Dec 2007 and I would love a beautiful unique Christmas themed invite (if you could do that) hehe.
Blu-ize
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:00 PM+
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:00 PM
Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
Posted by nychaos99
Blu-ize:
My FH is more than happy to do whatever I want. But he works for his dad! His dad owns a company, and the FH works with him. SO, we can't just do what we want. We have to still respect the family. They basically pay his (and soon to be my) bills.
Thank goodness, my sanity is kept by the fact that I'm starting my own company fairly soon, hand-making invitations. I keep that in the back of my head at all times. (hence, my frustration that AGAIN, I must do what they tell me and have hebrew on my invites. YUCK.) I'm not saying that invitations can't be STUNNING and gorgeous with hebrew, it's just not for me, that's all. It's not the style I'm going for, and my invitations will most likely be unique, fun, and three-dimensional. I can't imagine sliding a traditional hebrew invite in there with it!
Plus, my invitations might be the one and only wedding aspect I have complete control of.
If they don't pay for 1/2 will they still come to a non-kosher wedding? If you and your parents pay for the wedding and have it your way, can you still have it kosher in a place and with the all the details that you want. I'm trying tocut them out of the money side so they don't have a say. Can you and your FH with your parents have a glatt kosher wedding somwhere that you can afford?
ellebelle1
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:04 PM+
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:04 PM
Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
Wait a second, let's take a step back. Glatt Kosher and Kosher are two different things (just to clarify). Unless, his family is composed of all orthodox, then there is no reason to have Glatt Kosher, as opposed to plain Kosher. Do the in-laws reallize that you can always order special meals that are specifically Glatt Kosher. You shouldn't have to have a Glatt Kosher wedding if one person is Glatt Kosher.Also, about the invitations, I think that your in-laws are overstepping their boundaries, 100%. They can not tell you what type of invites you are to have. It's your wedding.
ML110
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:09 PM+
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:09 PM
Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
Posted by Blu-ize
Posted by nychaos99
If they don't pay for 1/2 will they still come to a non-kosher wedding? If you and your parents pay for the wedding and have it your way, can you still have it kosher in a place and with the all the details that you want. I'm trying tocut them out of the money side so they don't have a say. Can you and your FH with your parents have a glatt kosher wedding somwhere that you can afford?
this is what i was gonna say... do you think maybe if you cut the in laws out of paying for anything with the wedding, then you'll be able to do more of what you want? with what youre parents are going to give you, and then if you start saving up- then that money will pay for the wedding, and you won't ' need' the FILs contribution, so they won't haev as much say...
it always bothers me when i read stuff like this, because its so not fair for people... THEY had THEIR wedding, they need to let YOU have YOURS. i would definitely talk to them, or have FI talk to them- they need to realize what they're doing isn't fair.....
LaurenluvsTJ
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:14 PM+
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:14 PM
Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
Posted by ellebelle1
Wait a second, let's take a step back. Glatt Kosher and Kosher are two different things (just to clarify). Unless, his family is composed of all orthodox, then there is no reason to have Glatt Kosher, as opposed to plain Kosher. Do the in-laws reallize that you can always order special meals that are specifically Glatt Kosher. You shouldn't have to have a Glatt Kosher wedding if one person is Glatt Kosher.
Also, about the invitations, I think that your in-laws are overstepping their boundaries, 100%. They can not tell you what type of invites you are to have. It's your wedding.
I agree with this. There are lots of places that will do Kosher meals, for some or all of the guests.
Just because they are paying half does not mean they can dictate everything you do. They need to get control of themselves. Have you told them if they don't stop with their demands you might elope? See what they have to say about that!
ML110
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:17 PM+
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:17 PM
Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
Posted by LaurenluvsTJ
I agree with this. There are lots of places that will do Kosher meals, for some or all of the guests.
Just because they are paying half does not mean they can dictate everything you do. They need to get control of themselves. Have you told them if they don't stop with their demands you might elope? See what they have to say about that!
i also agree with this... it sounds like the only way they'll get a grip is if they aer told ' straight out' how it is...
JandJ1224
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:37 PM+
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:37 PM
Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
You poor thing! I hope that you can find the strengh to stand up for what you want on your day. What does FH say about all of this? Hope he is being supportive of you! Good luck, be strong!!!!
nychaos99
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:40 PM+
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:40 PM
Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
The wedding must be GLATT KOSHER. Not plain Kosher, but GLATT. They won't go to their own affair where they have non-kosher even in the same event space.Funny thing, is that they will go to an affair that is non-kosher, but when it comes to their own event, it must be Glatt Kosher. Period.
I can't have mixed meals, that's just not kosher enough, and there are too many people (probably 60 or more) that are kosher, on his side.
I don't think we can have a wedding without their help paying (at least in NY). I could have a beautiful wedding in Spartanburg, SC, where I'm from, but I don't want a wedding there. It's a really small town, and no hotels to stay at that aren't pretty far away. Spartanburg is not a place to have a wedding, though right now it's looking pretty good!
Plus, my synagogue is too small, and would barely hold 100 guests for the reception. Again, I couldn't have the reception somewhere else, because it'd have to be Glatt Kosher, and people down there don't even know what kosher is! And I'm totally serious about that!
So in order for me to get married here in NY, I will need the help of his parents. It is quite expensive to get married up here, but I'm used to the costs. I pay $1,700 a month in rent for a super tiny studio apartment in Manhattan! Thank goodness I'm moving in with my fiance this week!
My FH is on the same page as me. He is upset with his parents as well. Before I even spoke to him today, he had talked to his mother and told her we were going to Vegas to get married! LOL, I had said something similar in my first post. This is why I love him so much!
nychaos99
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:42 PM+
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:42 PM
Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
The most important thing, out of all of this, is that my FH and I are happy, and we see eye-to-eye, which we do.He is wonderful, and we will get through this...uhh...hopefully in one piece!
MrsWmson2be
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:47 PM+
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 01:47 PM
Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
I feel your pain. Same thing with me. In laws in control, I'm not even jewish and yet, i'm having a jewish wedding, and they completely disregarded my feelings and those of my family's and decided their religion should be the represented one.So...I'm having a chuppah, a rabbi, hebrew spoken at the ceremony, kosher wine, a 'minske' and yarlmukes.
The worst part is, I alone am paying 3/4 of the cost! Can you say 'S*CKER? lol
nychaos99
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 02:05 PM+
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 02:05 PM
Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
Wow, that sounds crazy!I hope you get through that- I don't think I'd be able to handle it if I paid for 3/4 and they got everything their way.
Blu-ize
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 02:10 PM+
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 02:10 PM
Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
they are being way too demanding. I really don't think that if you offer your children money for their wedding as a gift, there should be strings attached. It should be given out of love not with an ulterior motive.It sounds as if they need a good azz-kickin!
otherme
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 02:16 PM+
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 02:16 PM
Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
As crazy as all of this is.. remember at the end of it you will be part of their family, the same way FH will be part of yours.So, you have to pick the battles that come up during wedding planning and realize that some things have to be let go.
I was in a similar situation - FH is jewish and i don't practice any religion. His family was paying a decent amount towards it all, and requested that we have a kosher wedding. Not just kosher-style (with no shellfish, dairy etc..) but full on kosher, made in a kosher kitchen etc.. They have a few family members who are strict kosher and didnt want to exclude them. At first i was very resentfull of this because i felt like they were taking away all the choices of the places that we could get married at because there are only a few places that offer true kosher. However, we ended up finding The Carlyle on the Green - who put on an amazing spread of food that you would never have known was kosher if you didnt ask. They brought in a rabbi to supervise the kitchen (yes, you pay extra for that!). My family was concerned that the meal would be somehow 'less' tasty or would be limited - mainly because none of us knew anything about it, but the food was out of this world!
You don't want to alienate their beliefs - and thats one thing i've found people can be very adamant about. To the point where they'd refuse to go if it wasn't kosher.
I feel your pain and if they offer to pay for the portion that makes it kosher, then its probably something to take them up on. Do you have to have it in a synagogue? It seems like thats something you're reacting too as well.
As for making the invites in Hebrew? No way..
unless it was something you and your FH wanted, the design of the invites is not open to discussion.
Good luck!!!
nychaos99
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 03:09 PM+
Posted: Mar 07, 2006 03:09 PM
Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!
Otherme:Thank you for your input, I feel like you know exactly what I'm going through...
I feel completely limited to where I can have my wedding. I am forced to have it exactly where I never wanted: a synagogue. We just wanted to get married somewhere really unique and reflective of our personalities. I feel like a synagogue, though beautiful, is not related to our personalities. I might as well have had it at a church.
Well, if I wanted to pay like, $350-$400 per person (yikes!), I could have it somewhere like Pleasantdale in NJ, or the Museum of Natural History in Manhattan...anything's possible when you have money! It's frustrating for me to be limited based on religion, where both parties don't feel the same. I'm not saying that the food isn't going to be good (I know it will be), I'm just saying that there are only a few places that can do it, and of those, even less that are affordable. Like I said, anything is possible with $$$.
And I am just so happy to have a fiance that loves me and agrees with everything. We are two peas in a pod!
PS, I'm NOT putting hebrew on my invites. MY FEET ARE PLANTED FIRM!!!
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