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Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

HappyPlanner Posted: Oct 25, 2007 04:52 PM+

HappyPlanner MEMBER SINCE: 10/07 TOTAL POSTS : 386 WEDDING DATE: Apr 27, 2008

Posted: Oct 25, 2007 04:52 PM

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

Agreed!!! Thanks ladies!!

I feel better now. I know that if they are my real friends, they 'shouldn't judge' and respect you as a friend, not how much you gave them!

Brian and Marie Posted: Oct 25, 2007 04:58 PM+

Brian and Marie MEMBER SINCE: 11/06 TOTAL POSTS : 6033 WEDDING DATE: Jan 01, 2004

Posted: Oct 25, 2007 04:58 PM

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

Posted by JnD110808

I usually give $300 for me and my fh and if it's a close friend $500. I try to cover the plate, but I think you give what you can afford to give.

Thats exactly what we give!!

FutureMrsRice Posted: Oct 25, 2007 06:03 PM+

FutureMrsRice MEMBER SINCE: 1/07 TOTAL POSTS : 1745 WEDDING DATE: Jan 19, 2008

Posted: Oct 25, 2007 06:03 PM

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

You do not need to cover the plate charge. They are throwing this wedding because they want to have a party and they are inviting you because they want you to be a part of their day, not because they want you to repay them for the day!!!! If someone chose to have their wedding at a very expensive place, does that mean you need to give MORE because they chose to spend a fortune on the party? Absolutely not. $200-300 from a couple is absolutely fine. And if you couldn't give that because you didn't have the money, if you give what you can or a heartfelt gift, that's fine too. It SHOULD BE the thought that counts. It is a gift, not a repayment.

Ditto!!

Summer07Bride Posted: Oct 25, 2007 06:43 PM+

Summer07Bride MEMBER SINCE: 6/06 TOTAL POSTS : 4674 WEDDING DATE: Jul 21, 2007

Posted: Oct 25, 2007 06:43 PM

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

Posted by HappyPlanner

I guess it's cuz I hear brides AFTer they get married talk about ( in general terms) what they got, etc..and I feel kinda bad. I didn't know that there was a rule? I thought people know that you don't make your money back at weddings. (unless a Chinese banquet )...

There is no rule and I really do believe you should give what you can afford. If someone chooses a hall that costs 250 pp that was their choice and you should not feel obliged to give 500. JMHO

betani Posted: Oct 25, 2007 07:34 PM+

betani MEMBER SINCE: 8/06 TOTAL POSTS : 1687 WEDDING DATE: Jul 05, 2008

Posted: Oct 25, 2007 07:34 PM

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

Posted by jboothin2008

You do not need to cover the plate charge. They are throwing this wedding because they want to have a party and they are inviting you because they want you to be a part of their day, not because they want you to repay them for the day!!!! If someone chose to have their wedding at a very expensive place, does that mean you need to give MORE because they chose to spend a fortune on the party? Absolutely not. $200-300 from a couple is absolutely fine. And if you couldn't give that because you didn't have the money, if you give what you can or a heartfelt gift, that's fine too. It SHOULD BE the thought that counts. It is a gift, not a repayment.

exactly. i know i would never even expect a gift from my close friends and family (and that's being honest). i'm just glad they can be there to celebrate the day with me. if they chose to give a gift as well, that's more than generous.

on the flip side, i try to give what i can afford and heartfelt. i personally know my friends/family and they feel the same way i do on the gift issue (that's why we get along so well).

PegaLega Posted: Oct 25, 2007 11:43 PM+

PegaLega MEMBER SINCE: 6/05 TOTAL POSTS : 29798 WEDDING DATE: May 25, 2007

Posted: Oct 25, 2007 11:43 PM

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

Our regular gift is $300 unless its a very very close friend of ours. Then maybe 350-400 but we had guests at our wedding give us $50 or $100-we didnt turn our noses up and say 'how cheap' we knew that was all they could afford.

Dont feel bad-everyone is different and finances and bills and responsibilities are different for everyone

BoxOfRocks Posted: Oct 25, 2007 11:44 PM+

BoxOfRocks MEMBER SINCE: 11/06 TOTAL POSTS : 1329 WEDDING DATE: Jan 01, 2021

Posted: Oct 25, 2007 11:44 PM

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

Ditto on not feeling obligated to cover your plate. FTR, giving a gift to cover your plate is an etiquette myth. Give what you can afford, period.

Here are a couple of etiquette guides on the 'covering one's plate' issue. Both say you should give what you can afford, even though thy were written nearly 40 years apart.

'Amy Vanderbilt's New Complete Book of Etiquette,' 1963:

Never feel you must 'match your gift to the circumstances.' If you are the bride's former teacher, living on a small salary, don't feel you must give a gift well out of proportion to the amount you should spend, just because the bride will have a big wedding and perhaps live on a lavish scale.

'Emily Post's Etiquette,' 17th ed., 2004:

[Q:] Am I supposed to buy a gift that costs as much as the families spend on each person at the wedding? [A:] No. This modern myth causes considerably anxiety for guests, but it is false. The amount you spend is strictly a matter of your budget, and what you think is an appropriate gift. Even if someone is brash enough to indicate how much is being spent on the wedding, you are under no obligation to spend more than you can afford.

ETA--the original copyright of the Vanderbilt book is 1952 and has been updated a number times. The most recent version I have is 1963.