Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

My FH and three of the GM are firefighters so they are planning a bachelor party during their 4 days off in their cycle. They are between Vegas and New Orleans. I trust FI, and I just want him to have fun!

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

I think my FH is being taken to either AC or Vegas, and I'm jealous. I know they aren't rowdy guys, and they won't get into trouble. It sounds like fun. They won't tell me details, but I think that's just to make me wonder. LOL.

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

I would soooooo go to hedonism if he went to Cancun........ I don't play like that!

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

Personally if he went to Vegas Id be pissed! I dont see the need for more thsn a night out for a bachelor party. As much as I trust my FH just the thought of what goes on at Vegas bachelor parties makes me worried. Trust me I wish I could be the type of womano to say 'hey go have fun'. I try to put in my head that Im ok with him going but something triigers on my head and Im like'hell no i dont think so'. Any advice on why Im so against bachelor parties and how can I get over this?

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

My Fi is going and then I am going for mine the week after so whatever I might sit and worry about hell have to do a week alter. So now I am not bothered by the tought

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

Just a general question - directed at no one in particular...

But if you agreed to marry your FH (I would hope there is a level of trust there) what is the issue with bachelor parties??? (Outside of the $$ - which shouldn't be an issue since the party pays for it, not him - issue.)

And what is the reasoning behind being spiteful when your party comes around?


Just curious...

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

We are not doing to the batchelor/batchelorette thing. I don't begrudge anyone who wants to do it. I am just not into that. I rather have a fantastic dinner with a group of friends.

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

---

Posted by cp0329

Just a general question - directed at no one in particular...

But if you agreed to marry your FH (I would hope there is a level of trust there) what is the issue with bachelor parties??? (Outside of the $$ - which shouldn't be an issue since the party pays for it, not him - issue.)

And what is the reasoning behind being spiteful when your party comes around?


Just curious...

---

This is also not directed at anyone in particular... just my blabbering on the subject...

I think the so-called 'spitefulness' in some women consists of 2 things (aside from the obvious worries):
1 - playfulness; kind of like an 'oh yeah, well watch this!'; kind of trying to top each other..
2 - the desire to make your FH feel that tinge of discomfort you felt when he said 'I'm going to Vegas for MY bachelor party'. Not to be vindictive, but so that maybe he'll see the flipside of it.

As far the issue of bachelor parties in general, well, people are different. Different people have different levels of tolerance for certain behaviors, different beliefs, etc. I think it's fine either way so long as the couple can come to an agreement as to what they are each comfortable with and neither person ever feels disrespected.

That's what I think anyway.

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

my FH keeps saying hes going. Honestly I dont care if u has strippers blah blah blah around here but would be really peeved if he went to VEGAS and he knows it. Whats the difference if it happens here or in vegas I dont know but why does he need to go away???? Trust me I TRUST him I have no problem with going to strip clubs. He goes with his guy friends and i Honestly DONT CARE!!!!!!!! But Vegas something just bugs me about it dont know why?

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

I am going to tell you a leetle story. Friends of ours got married a couple of years ago. The bachelorette party was a weekend in the Hamptons in the summer. Fun, nothing crazy, lots of bars and dinners.
The bachelor party was a few weeks before the wedding...dinner and a strip club...nothing major right?
The bride was so freaked that her FI was going to a strip club it was no holds barred that nite. She did stuff that amazes me to this day. I couldn't live with myself if it were me. Needless to say, she was home way after him and he didn't do anything bad at all.
The moral of the story is....it's a person's own insecurities that will get them in trouble, not what another person will or won't do.
That was my wise saying for the week

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

My FI is going to Vegas for his bach. party. I don't like it, but I don't have a choice in the matter.
It's not an issue of trust for me, because I do trust him, but at the same time I am a realist, and I know things happen. Especially when people have been drinking, are far from home and maybe are under a little peer pressure.
I've had my moments of spite, when I've said 'Screw him, I'm going to Hedonism!'. But I know that won't solve anything. I just have to deal.

It's not till March, I'm trying not to think about it.....

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

---

Posted by gertyrae

The moral of the story is....it's a person's own insecurities that will get them in trouble, not what another person will or won't do.
That was my wise saying for the week

---

Well said!

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

Both FH and I have decided on not having a bachelor/bachelorette party. I'm definintely not into it and FH could care less so we are going out to dinner separately with our friends and then meeting up at a club.

I do agree that it is an individual's insecurities that do cause a lot of the problems - but I am truly against the whole idea of what a bachelor party stands for. Of course it is tradition - but all traditions start from somewhere and this one definitely didnt start for good reasons. A lot of guys, and i dont pinpoint anyone in particular, we just have to acknowledge that a lot of guys do view the bachelor party as a last night of freedom? Of what? Freedom? I'm sorry - is marriage some sort of commitment to jail? Is being with one woman for the rest of your life a comparison to having some sort of your personal rights restricted from you? I certainly dont think so - and I dont think that anyone that does think that way should enter into a marriage. It certainly isnt healthy and certainly leads to problems later on. In every marriage there should be some individual time allowed - obviously because a marriage invovles two different individuals coming together to form a union.

I wouldnt have a problem with a bachelor party which included going to a bar, gambling and smoking cigars - its when the strip club/ private stripper..and so forth that comes into play that I have a problem.

Call me naive, call me insecure, call me whatever...I truly think that a strip club and a stripper is the most demeaning thing for both men and women. Sure the human body is beautiful - but people are not going there to see the beauty of it - its to just pleasure themselves - No one can compare a strip club to an art class that looks at the muscular lines of the body. I've never been to a strip club and never plan on being in one - just not my thing - and thankfully I have found a man that agrees with my view. Does that make me a prude? Does that make me naive for thinking my FH doesnt want to go to a club to see naked woman dancing around? Certainly not. He tells me he doesnt and I beleive him on that.

There is definitely a difference between a man going to a strip club and a man admiring another woman's beauty. Of course I woudlnt want FH to boast about how beautiful another woman is (let me live in my blissful ignorance there), but admiring a woman on the train is human nature - and maybe some think that going to a strip club is human nature also - but in my opinion it is not - NOT when you are in a committed relationship, getting ready to get married or already married and who have held out to the world that this person that you praise and have put on a pedestal and have held out to the world that he/or she is your 'perfect 10.'

I have gotten upset at FH before for going to a bachelor party - he went to atlantic city for night with a bunch of 'buddies' - got a hotel room and blah blah blah - I dont know what went on...At first i told FH go no problem - but honestly i wasnt being truthful - it really did bother me - a lot - and not because i didnt trust FH, but i didnt trust his friends - and i definitely had reason to. He went and I stayed home miserable - I certainly didnt decide to go out and party myself to the wee morning hours - and wouldnt do so even if FH did have a bachelor party. FH and I had a big blow out over this - but he did end up going - and when we came back we talked it through...( of course i left him a voicemail that must have given him some grief - maybe that was wrong on my part and I defintely do take blame in a lot of the 'argument' that we did have.

Anyone can turn around and tell me that I dont trully trust my FH then - but too much 'cr@p' has happneed from the stories that I and everyone else on here has heard. I'm not going to sit back idly and hope that nothing happens. I feel so much more stronger with this issue though due to the fact of my disgust over strip clubs. I dont think it is a respectable form of entertainment. I dont judge others that do go or that do have that as their occupation or do it for supplemental income. Each person does what they do for their own reason and no one has a right to judge them. I can only judge myself and what I expect for myself.

But i am not stopping FH from anything - He went to his friends bachelor party - then knowing how much it upset me - but at the same time me understanding that it was his best friend and he did tell me that nothing would happen. At that point I hadnt been open about my feelings on the topic and I surely coudlnt impose my feelings after the fact.

For those that say that they dont have a say, well I say I do have a say. This has to do with respect of each other's wishes! Marriage isnt a one way street - it is understanding and compromises - and not a compromise where I am still extremely upset. I do not consider my saying 'everyone does it so you can go' a compromise. FH knows that I would like him to respect my wishes - just as I respect his wishes in other instances. It definitely depends on each individual relationship and the understanding that a person has with their significant other.

Ok that was my two cents on this whole issue -

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

Well said, Attica!

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

very well said attica--i totally agree about the whole stripper thing. FH is tossing around Vegas, but I know he wouldn't stand for any of that nonsense--i'm not making a deal of it because it's so far and i doubt it will happen and anyway i'll go the same weekend with my girls! :) plus my grandpa lives out there he'll keep an eye on him for me lol j/k i really don't have any trust issues--within the past 4 months, FH has been to 2 bachelor parties @ Atlantic city and they just had fun--i know because he called literally 5 times a day @ all hours, and promised me if anything went on, he would walk out as to respect me. anyway-as for the whole last night of freedom, i think that is so dumb, does that mean you haven't been committed since you met your fiance'? i think it's more of a celebrating this important time in the bride and/or groom's life. anyway--i agree with attica 100% thanks for putting my feelings into better words than I can!!

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

Attica, although I dont agree with the whole bachelor(ette) party points you present, it is to each their own, I do agree with this point...

---

For those that say that they dont have a say, well I say I do have a say. This has to do with respect of each other's wishes! Marriage isnt a one way street - it is understanding and compromises - and not a compromise where I am still extremely upset. I do not consider my saying 'everyone does it so you can go' a compromise. FH knows that I would like him to respect my wishes - just as I respect his wishes in other instances. It definitely depends on each individual relationship and the understanding that a person has with their significant other.

---

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

Attica I totally agree with you. I am strongly against strip clubs! It wouldnt be OK for my FI to go out on a normal Saturday and have a naked slob sit on his lap, so what makes it Ok a few weeks before we get married?

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

we're actually going to Vegas for mine, so if FH wants to go off on a destination bachelor party I say go for it! I know he'll get drunk and stupid with his friends, but I also know he will never do anything that would make me think less of him or that I would be significantly opposed to him doing.

ETS: The whole stripper thing doesn't bother me. FH has gone to strip clubs for other bachelor parties, and it doesn't faze me.

Re: Vegas for the Bachelor Party?!?

My FH is going to Vegas most likely too. I think the best thing to do is to plan an equally crazy weekend for your bachelorette! I'm going to South Beach and I'm going to try to arrange it on the same weekend as the Bachelor party!