Bridesmaid didnt give shower or wedding gift - need advice

I'm not exactly sure that there's anything I can do - but I thought I'd ask you guys for advice.

About 7 years or so ago I was the MOH for my friend - I was happy to do all the MOH duties - gave her lots of gifts, paid for her shower, gave her a wedding gift, etc. I was 24 at the time and had no money, but I really wanted to make her feel special - after all, she asked me to be the MOH.

so now I get married and she was in my bridal party. My mom generously paid for the bridal shower and this bridesmaid wasn't able to attend because she was at a wedding in TN, which is fine - though she didnt send a gift. . . and I thought 'well, maybe she didnt think she needed to send a gift because she didnt attend - but she mentioned to me that she sent a baby shower gift to a friend of ours - and we both were not able to attend that shower.

I thought maybe she was just too busy - but now the wedding is over (married on 12/3) and she and her husband didnt send a wedding gift. I know that they have a year and all - but I'm really surprised at this.

Part of me is concerned that she sent a check and it got lost at the reception place (which I doubt, but it's possible). Do I say anything?

Money is not the issue for her and her DH - I'm thinking maybe they forgot - but how do you forget to get your oldest friend a gift?
It's not that I want a huge gift or anything - but there wasn't even a card - I'm just pretty hurt and dont know what to do.

Re: Bridesmaid didnt give shower or wedding gift - need advice

IMO, under your circumstances, I would give it another month or so and then tell her that you think her card got lost at the wedding.

I had a few empty handed guests at my wedding. it really makes you think.... how can anyone go to a wedding without so much as a CARD????!

Re: Bridesmaid didnt give shower or wedding gift - need advice

One of my BMs didn't give a gift at the wedding either. It turned out that she sent me a card not long after the wedding. I thought maybe she didn't think she needed to give a gift because she was in teh BP. Give it a little time. Maybe she will call you & ask why haven't you cashed her check then you will know it got lost. There is really nothing that you can do about it. YOu just have to let it go.

Re: Bridesmaid didnt give shower or wedding gift - need advice

I think you should give more times like couple weeks.. and see what happen. If she still hasn't give you any card or present perhaps you should talk to her and ask her about that.
Not because you want a present but at least a card since she is your friends.

I think it's better to be honest and ask her about that. I know you will feel awkward but I think it's better that way.

Re: Bridesmaid didnt give shower or wedding gift - need advice

I would definitely say something because you never know what happened. Maybe she did send something and it just never got to you. Always give th benefit of the doubt first.

*On a side note, some people just don't know the rules to events like a shower, baby shower, etc. My friend had her bridal shower in VT and i couldn't go. So i was talking to another friend about sending my gift and she didn't think you had to send a gift if you weren't able to go. Of course i did because she was a good college friend and i could, but it never occurred to my other friend to do that.

*Completely off topic a bit... we went to Mohegan and my FH put money on the counter for the maid at the hotel we stayed at. The other couple we shared the room with were like what are you doing. They never heard you were supposed to tip the maid. See, i was always taught that and i thought everyone knew to do that, but i guess not.

Sometimes you have to remember that not everyone was taught these so called rules and some people just don't know.

Re: Bridesmaid didnt give shower or wedding gift - need advice

I would not say anything to her. One of BM promised to give me a gift but to this day I still did not receive one. IMHO for her to be in my wedding and to purchase her shoes and other necessities is more than a gift. I really aprreciate her for accepting the offer to be in my wedding and that alone makes me feel like she has done alot. So a gift is not important to me. JMHO.

Re: Bridesmaid didnt give shower or wedding gift - need advice

Thanks for your advice - I'm going to wait a bit longer . . . She had complained to me years ago about some people not giving gifts in her wedding - maybe she just forgot or something.

We were both bridesmaids in another person's wedding a few years ago and we both gave gifts - so I know she doesnt think being a BM is gift enough - though that is a valid point.

Re: Bridesmaid didnt give shower or wedding gift - need advice

i would ask if she had given you a check or not because you were concerned it got misplaced


FBIL didnt give us anything and told his mom that day he gave us $300. So when we didnt get anything, we said something to his mom and she had told us that he said he gave $300. Well we asked him and his girlfriend, and they said they did give it, and we must have lost it. SO we told him to stop the check it would probably cost money and he said 'Whatever, i dont care' (this is coming from a guy who has NO money!) Well needless to say he said he would give another check and never did and of course we find out he lied to his mom so she wouldnt bug him and never gave us anything


i dont careif we dont get a gift, i know his circumstances, but dont lie and make ME fel bad because of it

Re: Bridesmaid didnt give shower or wedding gift - need advice

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Posted by dleeny

tell her that you think her card got lost at the wedding.

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Ditto.

Honestly, that's so rude, that I wonder if her card really did get lost. I couldn't imagine a good friend being that cheap.