What does everyone think about your fiance' Bachelor Party?

Our wedding is over a year away, and already I'm upset about his Bachelor Party. You see, I trust him completely don't get me wrong, I just don't trust his friends. Especially his Best Man (Best Friend). He's single, and so is all his other friends, and let's just say they're basically male sluts. Really good people, except that. I can picture them trying to push the stripper onto him, etc. I personally think it's disgusting. Just knowing they would do that bothers me so much. Now, I don't care if he looks at them, but I don't want contact, and I think his friends would try to make something happen. Even trying is horrible. It really insults me. I asked my fiance last night about having a group party instead of a Bachelor Party, and he said sure. He said he doesn't care to have a stripper, he just wants to party. But I know if we tell his Best Man and everyone else that, they'll be mad and say stuff to him. His Best Man just wants a stripper for himself. I explained to my fiance that this subject really, really bothers me. I am so uncomfortable with the idea of a stripper. What does everyone else think about it? Am I being unreasonable or unfair??? AM I worrying about this too much? I need opinions. Oh, I also think I feel this way because about 5-6 years ago, his so called friends tried to set him up with someone else. He of course was against it and didn't have anything to do with her, but just knowing that's what my so called friends tried to do? It really hurts. My fiance says I need to forget about that, but I just can't. I'll never forget about it.

What does everyone think about your fiance` Bachelor Party?

I understand how you feel. We agreed over a year ago that we would tell our bridal parties that we did not want personal strippers. No touching. Neither of us are into that (as usually is the case), but the single people are. My FI''s bachelor party was Saturday in AC. As it turns out, they did not even go to a strip club. They were just happy going to bars and hanging out. His single friend''s were a little disappointed, but they wanted him to be happy. I think he got away with it because it was his request, not mine. Since your FI seems to want the same thing, he may be able to get away with it too! Also, he can suggest something completely stripper proof like an amusement park or something.

What does everyone think about your fiance` Bachelor Party?

We had discussed it also. I agree with Carrie, have him tell his friends no stripper.... I told my moh that and she is fine with it. Fi is going to Vegas for his party so I am a bit concerned but I know his best friends love me and wouldnt try to stray him away (his best friend has the handcuffs ready to cuff him to the podium the day of). Worst case scenario, if the friends to try, you have to trust him enough not to touch. Fi has been to those and never touched (gross anyhow). But you dont want to push him too hard that he doesnt share with you what did go on. Have him tell his friends no stripper, if they dont like it too bad...its not their party! Hope this helps!

What does everyone think about your fiance` Bachelor Party?

My fiance had his this past weekend. They rented a limo and went into NYC to a bunch of strip clubs. It's really not a big deal, the guys make it out to be much worse than it really is. First of all, there is no touching whatsoever. There are these huge muscle-guy bouncers all over the place in case anyone touches or gets out of hand. Honestly, my fiance told me the bridal party got him a lap dance and he went into a back room and had some stange woman dance all around him, again they don't touch you, and you don't touch them. There are bouncers in these rooms also. I figure that if we are getting married in one week, I can certainly trust him to go out for a night with the guys (& some strippers). Don't worry too much about it, trust him and let him have fun. He'll love you for not making such a big deal over it and not putting him in a weird position with his friends, who are the ones that really want the strippers anyway. Good luck!

What does everyone think about your fiance` Bachelor Party?

My FI and I have talked about it and I trust him completely. Like they said in the other letters, its made out to be a bigger deal than it is. My Fi friendsand I are very close and I know they wont ever try to make my FI look eslewhere, Let him go enjoy himself with his friends and trust him to make the right choices. Good Luck :)

I think the whole stripper thing is wrong!

What does going to a strip bar have to do with getting married. I would have no part of it. A B. Party is supposed to be a time with your friends to celebrate your upcoming wedding - what does getting a lap dance have to do with marriage? My Fi. just had his and we both had no part of stripers. I think there is nothing innocent about them. I went to one with my fi. on vacation - and it is not innocent. (Trust me) If you can get your fi. to not take any part in the whole s. thing I think it will cause a lot less grief. I would have no part in having to be upset a few weeks before my wedding. I have heard some real horror stories about them and they are true - some real horrible things can happen - to great guys who get drunk and pushed into things they will regret. This is just my opinion...

just have fun

I went to a male review for my cousins B party. It was hillarious - the guys are pure cheese...I think for the most part it is the same with the women...If your FI cannot be 'trusted' and may easily be 'pushed' into something, drunk or not, you shouldn't be marrying him. Just relax...and enjoy...

melissa

Melissa- I dont think you are overreacting and I think you have valid concerns. I share your sentiments along with those of Junebride. Personally I believe that going to a strip club is morally wrong and I dont understand why people would want to be tempted before their wedding. But none-the-less, it is an issue that must be dealt with. My fi understands my position and sort of agrees with me. He will not go to a strip club for his or anyone else's bachelor party. I told him that if the guys give him a hard time then he can use me as a scape goat, I dont care one bit about being blamed. I have heard some discusting stories about what goes on in strip clubs. Although right now i am living in IL- I suppose it is possible that things in NY are different, but I doubt it. Even though the men are not supposed to touch the women, the women are allowed to touch the men! (at least that is what i have heard in IL) I have heard stories of grooms to be being pulled onto the stage and stripped to their tighty-whities and spanked in front of everyone. I have also heard of the guys paying for the groom to be to go into the back room and watch two women go at it and wipe soap off them with a sponge. I dont mean to be explicit, I just want you to know what can happen at one of these places. If you dont want your honey being subjected to this sort of thing, then talk to him about it. And if he truly loves and respects you then he will understand! Good luck.

What does everyone think about your fiance` Bachelor Party?

Funny you bring this up. Over the past year of engagement, my opinion on this has COMPLETELY changed. I used to hate the idea of the bachelor party, almost refusing to let it happen. Now, I really don't care either way. I trust my fiance (even though I HATE and will never trust his best friend who happens to be in our wedding party, UGGHH...but that is a separate issue). Our other good friends are getting married 2-weeks after us and we are most likely going to have joint bachelor/bachelorette parties b/c both groups of ushers are friends and both groups of bridal attendants are friends. One of the guys used to work at a strip club in Queens so I know they will probably go there. I will worry about that then, I guess. I am not supportive of the stripper idea but what are you going to do??? I am sure everything will be fine. Trust me...You should read MY posts from last year! Boy did I have a different opinion.

What does everyone think about your fiance` Bachelor Party?

Well, here's the thing - personally, I wouldn't want a stripper, but it really wouldn't bother me if my fiance had one - he probably will and I'm sure my bridal party will surprise me with one. BUT I see where you're coming from, it doesn't seem like his friends really respect your relationship too much, if that's the case - it's understandable that you would feel this way. If you're fiance knows it bothers you so much, he really should insist that he does not have a stripper at his party. I know that if I felt the way you do and my fiance knew, he would insit that his friends respet his wishes and not have a stripper.

To Melissa

I haven't read any of the other responses yet, because I sort of know the directions they'll go in, but I just want you to know I know exactly how you're feeling. Luckily for me, my fiance's brother is his best man, otherwise I'd be a lot more worried myself. I've heard stories of how disgusting the bachelor parties get that my fiance has attended for other guys in their group (his brother not being part of that group) .. and it always, always surprises me. They all seem like such 'good guys' that you wouldn't expect that kind of behavior out of, and I'm not just talking about the bachelors, I'm also talking about the 'friends' who are hooting and hollering and chanting for the bachelor, putting him in the awkward position that he must also perform because if he doesn't, he's letting the guys down and ruining the party. I know that because my fiance has told me he'd be afraid to be placed in that situation. The guys have spent hundreds of dollars for girls to come into private homes or hotels and 'perform.' At one wedding some of us attended, the guys were disappointed because they were missing a bachelor party that was scheduled for that very same night, and one of the guys who was disappointed was the groom's own brother!! But, I do have to add, the group sort of vindicated itself a bit by keeping to the latest bachelor's wishes for a tame party, and unbelievably didn't even take him to a strip club. Maybe they're getting older and as more of them are getting married, they're less into it?? Or maybe they were just happy to keep it cheap this time around?? Who knows. My guy has insisted all he would want is a trip to Atlantic City, but there is that fear of 'surprises' knocking on his door as a gift from the guys, who would get the girls right in his face and put him in that awkward situation. You just have to hope that his friends will be respectful of his wishes, and if they're not, you have to hope that your man can be strong enough to walk away and be strong. You would think if these guys wanted this so bad, they'd just take themselves down to the local strip club to satisfy their cravings. And you would think if these guys were good friends, they'd be more respectful and understanding of the bachelor's wishes. A guy my fiance and I both know keeps inviting himself to my fiance's bachelor party with a big grin on his face as he chants for the strippers he thinks will be there. He doesn't seem to get it through his head when I tell him that my fiance is against any such party, let alone the fact that this guy wouldn't even be invited to the bachelor party since he and my fiance hardly ever speak. Hang in there. Last year at this time I had the very same thoughts and concerns as you, and as our day is approaching in Sept., I can honestly say I haven't worried about it like that in months.

What does everyone think about your fiance` Bachelor Party?

We have done it both ways before... once a group trip to Hunter Mountain in the summer ( rented a house) then seperate where the girls spent the night in the Hamptons & the guys went to Canada (don't ask!!!!). But anyway, he loves fishing & is gonna go on a overnite trip with the guys & I will go camping with the girls!! So there are other ways to do it too!! They don't have to have the typical party!!!

Okay, now that I have read the others...

I think there are some BIG misbeliefs about what does go on in strip clubs. The belief that there is no contact in a lap dance is untrue. I've heard the stories from guy friends, and even my fiance (who would have no reason to bolster the stories) of the girls shoving themselves into the guys faces, and grinding in their laps. Let's put it this way, if things were so innocent at these clubs, why is there a back room? I think it was HBO that did a documentary on strippers, so unless they gave these girls scripts and hired actors to work with them, there is no way I'm going to believe there is a complete hands off policy on both ends. And I also don't believe a male review is quite in the same ballpark as the strip clubs.

Kel... I am glad you blue the whissle -

Anyone who thinks these places are innocent - have only been told lies - like I said I have been to one - and like Kel said - they do not just dance in front of you (during a lap dance) and what do you think goes on in the back room? If you think this is part of the whole wedding process - then great - I guess you wouldn't have a problem with it - it has nothing to do with trust - after your fi. is married he will still be going to other Bach. parties with more stripers - I think he can pass this one time. I wish more woman would put their foot down - this is no environment for someone about to get married. Just tell me why this is a tradition what purpose does it serve? Don't say it's just innocent fun - cause it's not.

Kel... I am glad you blue the whissle

My fi and I aren't into the whole strip club thing and he doesn't really want a bachelor party. His friends finally convinced him that they should do something so I think they are going to see John Valby at Mulchahy's in two weeks(I've seen him before,but this is an Opie and Anthony sponsored thing so I can just imagine what it will be like) :-) I had my bachelorette party this past Saturday. My FSIL(and MOH) goes to Luxe every Saturday so I got some of my friends together and we joined her(Being a mom, I don't get out much anymore). We had a great time!.

Just a word of advise

out of all the 'strip club horror stories' the ones i have heard about canada are the worst. from what i understand prostitution is legal in canada. strip clubs are everywhere with no rules or policies - anything goes!

Re: What does everyone think about your fiance' Bachelor Party?

I consider myself a pretty fair person and I have a serious moral problem with strip clubs. I do not consider myself a jealous person and understand that there are attractive women and men out there. I do not object to clubs or partying or anything of that nature, however I think strip clubs do not belong in a person's life if they are in a serious committed relationship. A bachelor party at a strip club or with strippers is an excuse to behave badly. Think about it this way: why do all of a sudden stop respecting your significant other the night before your wedding? If you are getting married, most likely you have been together for awhile. Why does your fiance suddenly get to act like he's single again? My fiance used to go to strip clubs when he was younger. For all you naive people out there(nothing wrong with this) the women DO touch the men if the men let them, especially in the back rooms. Lap dances turn into blow jobs easily. Many times the strippers are shoving their tits in the guys faces and straddling their laps. At the very least the man is paying a woman to pay him extra attention - the man puts dollar bills in the girls underwear - are you okay with this? He is paying for sexual gratification outside of your sacred relationship. In my eyes, people have become desensitized to nudity, but that does not mean your significant other should seek it out. Do you want your fiance participating in the kind of institution where women are selling their bodies and men are paying for sex? I think not - especially the night before your wedding. Wouldn't these thougths running thru your head taint your wedding day? Thanks for hearing my opinion - if people think differently or agree - I would love to know.

Re: What does everyone think about your fiance' Bachelor Party?

I don't know why this was reposted after so long but I would say I am pretty sure someone is trying to cause trouble and get people all riled up. I think If you trust someone then you should be able to deal with it for one night. I don't know what FH's plans are and to be honest, I will probably not ask. I have been to some bachlorette parties that are pretty terrible as well so let's not say girls are that innocent.
Listen, no reason to get people all worried. If you are marrying someone who is so against something you would want maybe you need to re- evaluate. I think it's crazy to tell someone what to do. If you don't like strip clubs make sure your FH wont plan on going to one on his day.

Re: What does everyone think about your fiance' Bachelor Party?

girls - this post is from 2001!!!!!!!!