The gift of the Magi...

I recently reread a book that ahd been given to me some time ago. Its called 'the Proper Care and Feeding of a Marriage.'

When I first started reading the book I rolled my eyes at a lot of what she said. Its alot of emphasis on OUR role as women in the relationship and how we can make it or break it. At first i felt that it was sooo much rpessure on us, but then I opened my mind a little and reread it and The Proper care and Feeding of a Husband.

If you can get over her occasional preachy b*tchiness, there is alot of useful info in the book. As my grandmother used to say, 'Take what you can keep and use and leave the rest behind.'

One of the things I 'took' from the book was her dicussion of the gidt of the Magi. It actually put alot into perspective for me and I have been trying to sue it as a daily example in my own life on how to treat my DH and why he DESERVES that kind of loving treatment.

It is an actual short story by O. Henry (a pen name for William Sydney Porter.

but this is the gist of it (first paragraph grom Wikipedia)

Jim and Della Dillingham Young are a couple who are very much in love with each other, but can barely afford their one-room apartment opposite the elevated train due to their very bad economic condition. For Christmas, Della decides to buy Jim a chain for his prized pocket watch given to him by his father. To raise the funds, she has her prized long hair cut off and sold to make a wig. Meanwhile, Jim decides to sell his watch to buy Della a beautiful set of combs for her lovely, knee-length hair.

They're so excited to give each other the gifts and when they present them, they both tear up because neither can use them. Her hair is gone and so is his watch. But it doesn't matter. The moral of the story is that physical possessions, however valuable they may be, are of little value in the grand scheme of things. The true unselfish love that the characters shares is greater than their possessions. They realize that theire love is real because they were both willing to give up the things they thought mattered the most to them, to make the other happy. In doing so, they realized their love was truly the most important thing in their lives.

The story taught me to take a few steps back and look at some of the things I argue with Dh over. Sometimes I am right and he is SO wrong. We both know it but he refuses to admit it. But its rarely over anything life threatening, so is it really worth it to keep dissension in marriage because of my need to be right? Not really.

Sometimes I fawk up. LOL Im latina..we're feisty. But this story sometimes helps me find perspective, so i thought I'd share it.

Re: The gift of the Magi...

Thank you for sharing this story. Who wrote the book The Prope Care for Feeding a Marriage, I would really like to read it.

Re: The gift of the Magi...

---

Posted by PattyK

Thank you for sharing this story. Who wrote the book The Prope Care for Feeding a Marriage, I would really like to read it.

---

Dr. Laura Schlessinger wrote the book.


don't get me started on that b*tch--i can't stand her and she's an effing hypocrite.

i know that she makes some points here and there in the book--but i find it SOOOOO hard to listen to her because of her shadiness and hypocrisy.


i always loved that gift of the maji story though!

Re: The gift of the Magi...

---

Posted by MJDoc12

---

Posted by PattyK

Thank you for sharing this story. Who wrote the book The Prope Care for Feeding a Marriage, I would really like to read it.

---

Dr. Laura Schlessinger wrote the book.


don't get me started on that b*tch--i can't stand her and she's an effing hypocrite.

i know that she makes some points here and there in the book--but i find it SOOOOO hard to listen to her because of her shadiness and hypocrisy.


i always loved that gift of the maji story though!

---

Yea she can be a PITA but thats why I prepped the post by saying that you need to take what you can use and leave the rest behind. 75 percent of what she offers makes a lot of sense if you adapt it in your way to fit your situation.

My main issue with her is she makes broad assumptions. Generally, she is talking about good men; the kind most of us have. Generally the callers she gets who say they cant find ANY good in her diatribe are the ones merried to scummy men which means the steps discussed in this book WONT work.

But for example, sending ym hubby I LOVE YOU text messages..such a smal small thing but OMG what a diff it made! He felt like I was thinking of him more and it made him feel loved o he in turn was much more loving to me.

Most of it is very basic knowledge but reminds us sometimes we need to take a step back and put down the battle axe. Our men really are babies when it comes to us, regardless if they show it or not. we have the power to make them feel like Superman or a toad...thats what the books are pretty much about.

Re: The gift of the Magi...

---

Posted by PeteysBride

Yea she can be a PITA but thats why I prepped the post by saying that you need to take what you can use and leave the rest behind. 75 percent of what she offers makes a lot of sense if you adapt it in your way to fit your situation.

My main issue with her is she makes broad assumptions. Generally, she is talking about good men; the kind most of us have. Generally the callers she gets who say they cant find ANY good in her diatribe are the ones merried to scummy men which means the steps discussed in this book WONT work.

But for example, sending ym hubby I LOVE YOU text messages..such a smal small thing but OMG what a diff it made! He felt like I was thinking of him more and it made him feel loved o he in turn was much more loving to me.

Most of it is very basic knowledge but reminds us sometimes we need to take a step back and put down the battle axe. Our men really are babies when it comes to us, regardless if they show it or not. we have the power to make them feel like Superman or a toad...thats what the books are pretty much about.

---

oh yeah--i know what you mean....the little things matter. DH and i msg each other all the time and his friends at work are like 'thats gay'--- whatever---it works for us.

some of her message is sincere---but like i said--sometimes i just can't hear the message when it comes out of her mouth.

i remember when the 08ers talked about this booko on their board a little while back---it wound up causing a debate that went up to 9 pages!! (my posts in it didn't help i'm sure)

Re: The gift of the Magi...

---

Posted by MJDoc12


Dr. Laura Schlessinger wrote the book.

---

ugh... say no more.

Re: The gift of the Magi...

I think why some of what she says pisses off some women is that ist REALLY true and we just dont like ti hear it; stuff like us being a bit too expectant of DH. Like we expect them to understand that we work hard and are tired so may not wnat to cook or clean BUT we do NOT want to understand that he is going to work JUST as hard to support his family. My Dh for example, dislikes his job but goes faithfully because right now its good work and allows us to have a more enjoyable lifestyle. He wants to take care of me so therefore he goes to work without complaint. He has just as many responsibilites as I do yet when I get cranky, it becomes all about me and one of the things I took from Dr. Laurea's books is to CUT THAT OUT!

Stay at home moms have a HARD time of it with takeing care of kids and a house, but so does the guy who works 8 hour shifts driving a city boss full of snotty people to suupport his wife and kids.

Other things, she is just OFF on. Dh and I like he r books but her show...OH boy..lol We have booed her more than a lil bit.

Re: The gift of the Magi...

i think my big issue with that book is that its extremely unbalanced---and she makes it sound like we as women and wives need to put OUR needs and desires aside and focus solely on our husband. that is the part that is off for me. marriage is about both people.....not just about me learning to S T F U and 'appreciate' him more. i mean just about all of us here fork F/T like our DHs.....and then we also are responsible for household things...as well as cooking....etc.

her teachings make it sound like because he's a MAN we are supposed to kaw-tow to him even though we work just as hard. i hate that mentality. she even mentions in the book that men NEED to be the breadwinner and earn more....well sorry--if i have a job where i make more than my DH.....i'm being a bad wife!

or the chartign your menstrual cycle and learning to 'suck it up' and not be too emotional during that time of the month to your man....well shiiit i AM a little more emotional and feeling crappy---can't i have THAT?

Re: The gift of the Magi...

i like the gift of the magi story!

i got a book for Xmas that I asked for. Its actually written by the pastor of our church and its already had widespread acclaim. id def recommend it to anyone striving to have a Christian marriage- its called 'When Sinners Say I Do.' For anyone interested, withhold judgment on the name til you read. Just thought Id put that out there!

Re: The gift of the Magi...

---

Posted by MJDoc12

i think my big issue with that book is that its extremely unbalanced---and she makes it sound like we as women and wives need to put OUR needs and desires aside and focus solely on our husband. that is the part that is off for me. marriage is about both people.....not just about me learning to S T F U and 'appreciate' him more. i mean just about all of us here fork F/T like our DHs.....and then we also are responsible for household things...as well as cooking....etc.

her teachings make it sound like because he's a MAN we are supposed to kaw-tow to him even though we work just as hard. i hate that mentality. she even mentions in the book that men NEED to be the breadwinner and earn more....well sorry--if i have a job where i make more than my DH.....i'm being a bad wife!

or the chartign your menstrual cycle and learning to 'suck it up' and not be too emotional during that time of the month to your man....well shiiit i AM a little more emotional and feeling crappy---can't i have THAT?

---

Yea see thats what I think most women miscontrue because I did as well. i was liek *** is her issue!!! She's a woman . she should understand I NEED this.

But if you take a step back and try to approach it with an open mind, the way I took it was more like... 'Yea i really shouldnt be a bigger b*tch because I am PMSing. Sure hormones are very real BUT i DO have control over my mouth and I can choose what to say and not say. I KNOW when Im going to say something that will really hurt Pete and there's no need for it.

As he has said before and is the God's honest truth, no matter WHAT kind of Day he's had (people hes close to dyng, losing his job, etc) he has NEVER EVER spoken to me in the manner I occasionally do when Im feeling pissy. Its my right to have angry feelings. It is NOT my right to take them out on him simply because I can. It will only hurt my marriage.

That is what i think she is trying to say, but she does so in a very aggressive and pigehaded manner that doesnt come across well to the average audience.

As far as the breadwinner thing, I dont remember it sayign anywhere we are bad if we make more money. her usual point is that we as women sometimes put our careers before our families. Which is true, but we also DO need to work harder than men in many fields so its not entirely our faults. Its a double edged sword.

But I think a point she misses that women dont get is NO ONE can have it all. Men, women..if you're a workaholic, you are going to ahve to sacrifice some things. If you're spending 14 hour days at the office, its hard to be a stellar wife/hisband/parent. but you have to accept that as a consequence, not try to do it all and get mad if someone points out you're not doing a fantastic job of it.

I TOTALLY agree with her though that feminisim killed us in many ways. I believe in feminiism; but the traditional branch, not the new form thats screwing us over.

YES we have more rights but we lose a lot too in terms of indulging our femininity. I know ym mom does it and I followed her example alot, seeing my DH as the 'enemy' and how he was 'holding me back.'

He's not doing any such nonsense. GOOD men, the kind we all married, are not trying to hold us back. But alot of feminist brainwashing says otherwise, making men the anti-christ.

Re: The gift of the Magi...

---

Posted by Aug07OFCbride

i like the gift of the magi story!

i got a book for Xmas that I asked for. Its actually written by the pastor of our church and its already had widespread acclaim. id def recommend it to anyone striving to have a Christian marriage- its called 'When Sinners Say I Do.' For anyone interested, withhold judgment on the name til you read. Just thought Id put that out there!

---

Who is it by jess?

Re: The gift of the Magi...

Dave Harvey

when sinners say i do

its biblically sound, thats why i like it. dh and i are going to start reading a chapter together each night

Re: The gift of the Magi...

---

Posted by Aug07OFCbride

Dave Harvey

when sinners say i do

its biblically sound, thats why i like it. dh and i are going to start reading a chapter together each night

---

Thanks! Im going to look into it. Its a nice idea for you guys to read it together. Pete and I have actually started reading together. I read to him-he doesnt like to read aloud. Mostly fiction but its a nice way to spend an hour or so and then we discuss it!