Re: UPDATED!!! SEE PAGE 10 QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I agree that it is the visual that first attracts you to someone. However, I also do not think that gaining weight is grounds for divorce.

I think that marriages that are primarily based on the visual are immature relationships. I say that because my grandparents who have been married for 50 years OBVIOUSLY do not look like they did way back when. So no, I do not think that relationships are ultimately based on physical attractiveness. In order to last 50 years your marriage has to supercede the physical. I know my grandparents, after all these years, are physical with each other.. still- (no, i'm not kidding)- and their bodies have changed, and yet they are still able to have an attraction to each other. I think it's because that attraction is in the heart, not just in the mind.

However- I think that when people 'let themselves go'... which I really don't think people do- it's a sign of some greater unhappiness or mental instability. Lets face it, we aren't talking 5, 10 or even 20 pounds. We are talking about someone who is probably depressed, not happy with their life, or has some other issue... that is really the only justification I have with someone who sabotages themselves into 'letting themselves go'. So maybe if a person does this, some marital counseling is necessary?

My body is not perfect- and it won't ever be. I don't like working out (although I do not lead a sedentary lifestyle) and either does DH. He's not perfect either and has the mid 30s 'paunch'... But I LOVE him... his heart, his mind, the way he makes me laugh and the way children and animals just flock to him... the body- that's just of this earth- I think his spirit is what I am REALLY in love with.

Re: UPDATED!!! SEE PAGE 10 QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

This is very interesting discussion! Amd I just noticed it!

If I may add my 2 cents: all people have a potential to cheat! All people regardless of their gender notice attractive members of the opposite sex and look at them! BUT, the difference between cheating people and faithful people is that the faithful ones look, AND THAT'S IT!

I am absolutely certain that my husband looks at good-looking woman! I am absolutely sure that when he sees a girl with a great body he thinks to him self:' hey, she had a nice body!' And I can honestly tell you that I do secretly salivate every time I bump into a hot guy with an incredible body from the 26th floor in the elevator!

BUT, I would never take it any further! Neither would he! I love my husband and find him incredibly sexy! He is not as good looking as the guy from 26th floor, but I find DH to be much sexier and much more stimulating on so many levels! I absolutely agree that not letting yourself go is an essential part of a sccusessful marriage. But, unfortunately it doesn’t guarantee anything!

Well, I do have a story to tell that will always fascinate me! Very old friends of my parents, married for over 20 years. My mom told me how in love they were at first, and what a beautiful love affair they had and how much the husband adored the wife then they were dating! They were married against their parent’s will and he promised her the most wonderful life with him! Whatever!

The husband has been cheating in his wife for 10 years ot of 22 they were with his secretary! Impartial people who seen that secretary say, she is unreadable far from being beautiful or even remotely attractive. Never the less, the husband is totally devoted to her, gets a divorce from the wife and a mother of his two children, and when the secretary dies from some chronic decease she apparently had all these years, he is inconsolable. They were in Germany when she died and he had her body transferred to their hometown and burred in a lavish ceremony!

I knew all the people involved in this tragedy and I can tell you why the husband cheated! He was bored stiff with his wife! She was a very passive stay at home mom, with no interest or hobbies what so ever outside of her household! She spends all her days in the house or tending to their summerhouse and garden. She stopped carrying about the way she looked. She never gained any weight and in fact kept a very good figure despite being in her 50s, but she was very careless about her appearance and her own well being and her state of mind! The joy of life just ran out of her! She always agreed to everything the husband told her and never had an opinion of her own about anything! Her whole life was the children and the house! She never read, never went out with friends, never had any interesting conversation with her husband! She was boring!!! So, not beign the most inventful person in the world, he went to look for exitement elsewere!

So, I think the key to a successful marriage is visual, mental and emotional stumulation combined! Staying interesting for your partner both in and out of the bedroom! I am hoping to always be the most facinating person for my DH!

I wish all my LIW ladies a very happy marriage!

Re: UPDATED!!! SEE PAGE 10 QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Once again Shamma, another award winning post! Since I've been married, I've gained about 30 pounds. Most of it due to stress, some to being a little comfortable/married and some of it came with age, so I guess that makes it 10 pounds for each experience in my life. Since i've gained the weight, I've become very self conscious and in all honesty, my self esteem for a while was a little low. However, amazingly enough, my husband would still wrap his arms around me like an octopus VERY often! I used to sob at how fat I am, and he would console me often and tell me not to worry and how beautiful I am. However, when I would eat fattening foods, he would look at me like 'okay, I don't want to hear you hollerin later after you stuff down that fried chicken!'

So, I say all of this to say, we've been there where the weight gain thing has been tested. Will he ever leave me because of how I look physically, I don't know, and if he does, then in all honesty, I'll let his behind go b/c I'd realize that our marriage is 'contingent' on my weight and superficial things...not good! My husband told me that he loves me no matter what size I am and I'm being honest! He said he loves me and I believe him. Will those feelings last? I hope so! Even though I've gained weight, I dress good, look good, smell good and keep my hair and nails together . I also realized that my husband likes my personality, I'm always re-inventing myself, doing different things, coming up with unique ideas, always throwing a party, always having drama with family and friends, always asking thought provoking questions and the list goes on....I'm a BUSY little bee! He always tells me how there is never a dull moment being with me.

Basically it really depends. As we all grow older we're going lose hair and muscle in places we are not going to be happy about. However, whatever we look like on the outside is VERY small compared to what's in our heart. Sure it's a bummer when you marry someone and they gain weight and you want them to look good or be healthy, but in life, flexibility is so key! We can't walk around making things so concrete because they really are not. We can never know what the future hold, but once we do our part and take care of ourselves and try to be careful not to get too comfortable with ourselves and our married life, things will be fine.

Okay, I'm done

Have a great night!

Re: UPDATED!!! SEE PAGE 10 QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I read this thread yesterday and I can't stop thinking about it. I think everbody has the potential to cheat. But to say that you would leave someone for twenty pounds or more is scary. While me and DH were dating I gained 20 lbs but I lost 22 during the engagement. It is very easy to gain wait- but you can also lose weight. If someone is not going to be attracted to you because you get a little chunky I would be worried what would happen if god forbid you were burned or in a coma or something worse. I believe that when you marry someone it should be more than physical.

Re: UPDATED!!! SEE PAGE 10 QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Dc Bride- you ARE right- it should be more than physical, but as I said before we live in a very visual society.

Last night I asked my husband again if he would leave me or cheat on me if I gained weight. He said 'no- absoulutely not that is too extreme'. He did say he would be somewhat turned off because he would feel as if I did not care how I looked and would think I was lazy- he would still love me but it would put somewhat of a dent in our romantic life.

I do appreciate his honesty- some men would lie to their wives and then the wives would find out the hard way.

Re: UPDATED!!! SEE PAGE 10 QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

well said dcbride

Re: UPDATED!!! SEE PAGE 10 QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Just wanted to add that 80%of all marriages go through some sort of infidelity.

Re: UPDATED!!! SEE PAGE 10 QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

even though I am not a NW I was interested in this thread.

my FH and I are on WW. We have been for 9 months. When we met 4 1/2 years ago I weighed 110 pounds and he was 240 pounds. Over the years I packed on the pounds as well as he. I guess we were so in love we never saw the gain in each other. We saw each other for who we are in the inside.

This year our new year resolution was to make changes in our eating habbits. So we joined WW. To date I have lost 25 pounds and he lost 50.

In years to come if I put on double the amount of weight and so did he, I wouldnt love him anyless. To me what makes him handsome is his love for me, his strength, his courage and his heart. To him, as long as I dont turn into a cold heartless person he is marrying me for me not for my weight...

Re: UPDATED!!! SEE PAGE 10 QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

While I think I would be unhappy with my DH if he gained an excessive amount of weight (for health reasons more than visual reasons, but attraction would be a factor), I would never leave him. I know he would never leave me for gaining weight either.

I agree with DC Bride. There are MANY things that are going to come up during the course of ALL of our marriages that may change things about us or our husbands. Heaven forbid there are illnesses, surgeries, childbirth, aging in general, and other surprises along the way.

What if your DH has a problem with impotence? Are you gonna run out the door? What if there is an accident and one of you loses a limb? Or gets facially disfigured? What if YOU have a problem and can't be sexual anymore. It happens. It happened to a friend of mine. A doctor screwed up a surgery and her v*agina became too narrow for s*x. How's THAT for a challenge?? Or what if one of you catches an illness that's contagious, like hepatitis B or herpes? You CAN get those illnesses in a non-sexual manner. What would you do then???

The reality of marriage is COMMITMENT. That commitment means getting through things TOGETHER, whether it's an extra 30 lbs, a weak willie, or whatever else life will throw at you.

If you don't approach marriage from that point of view, to stay together through it all, why bother getting married at all??

The exceptions naturally are abuse of any kind, drug addiction, and in my opinion, ongoing infidelity. Those are all grounds for divorce in my book.

Just my 2 cents....

edited for spelling