Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

To say yes to this implies a perfect relationship and I dont know anyone who has one

I respectfully disagree with this statement Stef. To say yes to this question does not imply perfection, but trust. And without trust, you have nothing in a relationship. I do not think my relationship is perfect, we have plenty to work on, we are on month 2 of 40 or 50 years of this (God willing). But I do know that I have trust, and he has trust, and we have mutual admiration and respect. That is one thing we agreed on from the get go.

Do I think I know what he'll be like in 20 years? Nah. He may throw his religion out the window in 20 years, but he won't be throwing me out the window. We have the same convictions. Work at something until you MAKE it work for you.

Nothing in life is guaranteed, but what is guaranteed is that I will beat his ass if he cheats.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I never had a boyfriend and I wanted to date many people. They were free to do what they wanted, I was young and in college, I did not want to be tied to anyone one person. I guess like you say, I have lived and I now I do not have any what ifs. They do not know each other, they knew that I was not exclusive.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

In my opinion, no marriage is 'infidelity proof.' I trust my husband like I've never trusted a man before. But do I trust 100% that he will NEVER cheat. No. Why? Because I'm realistic. People change. Situations change. Feelings change. That doesn't make it right. But some people choose to act before they think. Instead of going to their spouse and talking about their feelings, they start to drift emotionally and eventually physically from the marriage.

The key to preventing this is communication. But you have to have TWO people who are communicating. If I am open with honest with my DH and he's not, there's really not much I can do.

Sometimes you can be the 'perfect' spouse, and your husband or wife will cheat anyway. Most of the time the cheater has issues that have NOTHING to do with their spouse at all! Maybe it's commitment issues, or self-esteem issues, or heaven knows what! So many women (and men) feel responsible when their spouse cheats. In my opinion, I don't care WHAT you did or didn't do, there is no excuse for your spouse to go outside the marriage.

As for men cheating more than women, I have to disagree! My husband's two best friends are divorced. One suspected his wife of cheating, so he tapped his own phone line. In the process he found out his wife was, indeed, cheating. But unfortunately, he also found out his FRIEND'S wife was cheating, too! The women were friends and would talk on the phone all the time. They are both divorced now.

My DH was in a relationship for six years. They lived together. She cheated as well. He caught her the same way, tapping his own phone. (these guys are all cops). He had over four hours of tape with her saying horrible things about him, and all kinds of disgusting affair related stuff. My DH is the kindest , most honest, most giving man I've ever met!! So the knife cuts both ways on this one. Women can be 'dogs' too.

My ex-best friend has cheated on EVERY man she's ever been involved with. Were all these men to blame? Absolutely NOT! She has a huge inferiority complex and self-esteem issues. She also doesn't understand the word loyalty.

I agree with Theresa and Jenn and Shamma about keeping up your appearance. Not to the point of trying to reach some magazine ideal. They are AIRBRUSHED ladies! I was involved in modeling briefly and it's all smoke and mirrors! The real models do NOT look like that!! Even the Victoria's Secret models have cellulite and stretch marks...

But in terms of just trying a little to keep yourself attractive, not just for your husband but for yourself, I think it really is necessary. When you feel attractive and sexy, you are more flirtatious, more attentive to your husband, and generally more confident and therefore happier. The same goes for our DHs!!!

I also agree with Tammyjill, though. A few pounds in one direction or the other should NOT make a difference.

The idea that we should love each other no matter what is wonderful, but it's also based more in fantasy than reality in my opinion. If your DH suddenly stopped showering, stopped shaving, wouldn't change his clothes, stopped brushing his teeth, left garbage all over the house, and put on 300 lbs, would you still be as attracted to him? Would you still want to sleep with him? Would you still be excited about him, or feel as 'in love' as you used to? Would you still feel as 100% committed to the marriage?

I WOULDN'T. Not only because it's repulsive in a physical sense, but it shows me that he has withdrawn EMOTIONALLY from the marriage. You don't let yourself go if you are 100% emotionally committed. You WANT to stay attractive for your partner. I'm not talking about 5-10 lbs here. I'm talking about really letting yourself go....sweats, pony tail, no make up, extra weight, no hobbies or interests, ALL THE TIME (not just on an occasional lazy day)....

It's not the woman's responsibilty to 'keep her husband interested.' But we can't be stupid about it either. Neither can our husbands. It's a give and take.

Even so, there's no guarantee. All you can do is your best. Give the relationship and yourself your best effort, and hope your partner continues to do the same.

We can never be sure about the outcome of anything in life! The only thing in life that is certain and guaranteed, is that things will change.

Karen

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Misty, I will help You can beat mine too if he does. Oh no I could not beat him, I would walk away and leave him that would hurt him more

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

oh ok Shamma I was thinking that they knew each other.

Though when I was in college the place I worked there was a girl there that lived with two men. They all slept in the same bed

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I agree with Sonicstef on this one.

DO YOU THINK YOUR MARRIAGE IS INFIDELITY PROOF AND IF YOU SAY YES, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THIS???


I would never say that marriage if infidelity proof, while I would like to believe it is, you never know what will happen. I have been in relationships where I though this was the case and I was mistaken. This has happened on both sides. I have been cheated on and I have cheated. I will honestly say that when I cheated, I thought that the act did not take away from my relationship. In my mind I was separating love from sex!! There are people out there who think that there is a difference and as long as you do not fall in love with the person you are cheating with that you have not cheated. I have matured and I would hope that I would never cheat now.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Shamma you are right, if I left it would be more painful, but if I left my foot in his ass while I was on the way out the door, that would hurt even MORE.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Karen, can the church say AMEN, you hit it on the head girl.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Misty

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Tammy I will say this once more to justify myself.
I am not starting trouble, I would rather NOT do that at all, anymore, and definately not on this side of the boards out of respect for the women who love this board & really only visit here.

When I first stated my post on page 1, I gave my honest opinion on INFIDELITY.

Then on whatever page I was on, I stated about how a few male friends of mine, asked me about what to do, they were concerned of their wives looks. That is them & not me.

I mentioned before also, that every women is all shapes & sizes are great, IMO, but some men seem to think after the wedding, the wive starts to let herself go and they are not happy.
That was all. I never mentioned YOU for any reason, nor would I ever. I have no reason to. I have no comments on anyones weight, especially when I, like others, are not 100% happy with their weight, only my problem is the other way around, I want to gain.

Yes we are all entitlled to our opinion though, we shouldn't let anything on our views get out of hand. This was just a discussion on infidelity that sadly, got ugly.
I certainly never said YOU. We were only discussing infidelity, not saying about who gained what after the wedding amongst anyone on here, it was just a general statement is all & I said this was ONE reason men MAY cheat, there are hundreds of reasons I see.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I wonder how many women would cheat if their husband gained alittle TOO much weight?

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Ding ding ding!! Theresa has question of the day #2!

T, start another topic!

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Neva, that is a bit much

Ok, Misty that would hurt as well

Crisco, I agree with that point!!!!!!

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

This is Frankie's opinion.

More men cheat than women BUT women's numbers are not that much under the men's there was just a study in the paper.

Men are looking more for the physical relationship that is why they cheat outside of the marriage. Where as women are looking more for something emotional.

I think it is easier for a woman to cheat because it is easier for a woman to get a man.

Women won't brag about their cheating as much as a man would.

Women have less guilt than a man would because in my opinion women think it is ok to get that emtional needs somewhere else as long as they are coming home to their husbands and they don't know about it.

IMO if a woman cheats she is more likely to cheat with just one person where as a man would cheat with more than one woman-- kind of like the hunter thing.

Problems in a relationship is not a reason to cheat! Infidelity is a result of serious issues in a relationship. Some of this could also go back to childhood and not being accepted and feeling like your spouse is not accepting of you. It is also about instant gratification


I asked him so I thought I would share his opinions.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Theresa I think men let themselves go just as much if not more!

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Theresa, before he got to be 10,000 lbs I would help him lose the weight, I would not leave him right away.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

My husband has gained a lot of weight. He was in the military and when he got out no more PT no more exercise. He exercises now but its no where near what he used to do so the weight has come on.

I squeeze his stomach like everyday. Thats my baby. I love him no matter what.

Now if he started looking like a slob I would have to address that but I would not cheat.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Jamie..

I BRAGGED about cheating..
I was so young and dumb and FULL Of hormones that I liked the Thrill of thinking MATT will find out...

I cheated with so many people he knew.......

I did it in front of people we both knew..
NO one caught on.

I was so YOUNG.......................

I think my free spirt came out and never wanted to come back.
Matt wanted me to stay home and be 'old'married girl........

Not this girl.

Ronnie is so for me.
Now I can't wait to get home to see him@

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

With men it is not just weight. What about:

-Balding
-Impotence
-Premature Ejaculation
-workaholics
-not helping with housework and the kids

It seems that women are a lot more tolerant of these type of physical things, while men make excuses for why they cheat!

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

uh oh christina you hitting some hard ones