Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Just to spring off of Jenn's remark about dressing up for our husbands...

I think it's more important that we dress up, and maintain an appearance we are proud of, for OURSELVES. There is nothing more exciting, sexy, and interesting than a woman who feels that she is all of those things. I think that makes a HUGE difference.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Jenn- any of your male friends that do this may not TRULY love their wives
or they would not care!

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I agree with Liz - nothing can be infidelity proof. If they are going to stray, they will stray. I don't think the woman or man should blame themselves for it either bc people sometimes just don't have it in them to stay monogamous. It's a sickness. Just like Kathy referred to the man going to see the hookers...

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Frankie told me 6 1/2 years ago that if I ever cheated that would be it. There would be no chance for good-byes, questions or apologies. He does not and will not put up with cheating. Prior to me Frankie had one other girlfriend for 6 years and that is it. He has never cheated!

Do I think that men cheat? Absolutely! Do I think it is because women let themselves go- partly! I think men have a tendency to think with their reproductive organs. I think that you have to keep it spicey and lively whenever possible.

Sorry to but in here but wanted to add!

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Tammy, my male friends do love their wives, trust me!!!!!!!! They would not cheat, their values are too strong.
They ask for my advice because they love them enough to want them to look the way they did before. I don't blame them!

JennRenne I couldnt agree more!

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I do think my marriage in infidelity proof. My husband has strong feelings against cheating in marriage. He is worst than me in this category. I don't think he would cheat and I wouldn't cheat so I think we are infidelity proof.

Men and women cheat. Men need to keep themselves up after they get married. I think men age much worst than women.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

IMO if your husband goes out and has an affair because you put on some weight or stopped wearing sexy clothes than I would start to think he never truely loved me but only lusted me. Love should go alot deeper than physical looks. I do agree you shouldn't be looking like a slob, but as life progresses things change and your body may not stay the same (i.e. children or an illness).

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Jaimie- its okay, you'll be one of us on saturday!

I know in my heart craig would never cheat b/c he has always been honest with me and told me so, that was one of the things I have always loved about him is his honesty

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

but even if they dont look the way they did before it should NOT matter, I dont get men like that
are they perfect? do they not age or put on weight as they get older
why such emphasis on looks? thats rhetorical
you dont have to answer

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Another great topic!

I certainly do not believe that all men cheat - it's way too broad of a generalization to make on half the world's population!

I do believe many people, both men and women, cheat because of a few reasons: communication, of lack thereof & boredom with their everyday lives.
I have seen first hand how fast these issues can change your opinions on your spouse and whether or not you even want to continue the relationship..

If you don't have open and honest communication, your relationship can go into a downward spiral faster than you would think. DH and I make a conscious effort to always speak up when we're upset, hurt, angry, sad, etc and that makes a world of difference

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Tammy this is not MY relationship, I am just adding to the post, what I see from SOME men I know.

I'd Love John & he'd love me, even if we were disfigured in a car accident.
Thats what it should be.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Shamma, looks like you got the heated discussion of the day going

Jennbaby, 'my John' sounds alot like yours. Sometimes I think he's just exxagerating but he passed up 2 bachelor parties because 'he's married now' and I WENT to the bachelorette parties. I guess that goes to show you how much WORSE the guys parties get I dont see why he didnt go, I was almost pushing him to go but he insists that 'he's married with a child, 'im not going to strip clubs'. Even when we were dating, he'd work out of state alot, and maybe 1 out of 10, he went with his coworkers. He would just say what 'idiots' they were spending HUNDREDS of dollars on these trashy girls

OK, on to the topic of cheating.

Although I agree that REGARDLESS of getting married, both men and women should always keep themselves physically fit, happy, not let themselves 'go' , etc. ITs a shame that a man can get away with becoming the beer belly Al Bundy, but the woman has to be the little princess at all times

I also agree and its a fact, that men are very VISUAL. But I also agree (and I know Jennbaby also said this) that being gorgeous wont KEEP him from cheating. UNfortunately I've seen it happen, a beautifull couple inside and out, 2 VERY attractive people, and they both 'strayed' from their marriage.

Its a shame that both men and women will cheat, even when they are in the BEST possible circumstances. My moms cousin (tangent ) YEARS AGO, dated a girl for over 15 years, they were planning to get married. Moms cousin went to Med school, met a nice female Dr., left his lifetime girlfriend 'just like that'. Not only did it devastate HER, but it devastated her and his entire famlies.
and this woman is not the most gorgeous woman in the world. Who knows what it is that pulls a man in.

I think aside from going for looks, money, a wild person, etc. It has to be the morals, values, security and trust in your relationship that will see through anything else.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I will say this, a lot of what people say in jest is what they really want to tell you, but either they don't have the nerves to tell you seriously, so they say it in a joke, b/c they do not want to hurt your feelings.

I think if you took all that effort to lose the weight for the wedding to look good for one day, you should take that same effort to keep yourself up. We would be lying to ourselves if we believe our men don't want slim/in shape women, that is who they put on tv, in magazine on billboards etc. I am not saying it is not a shallow view, but it is reality.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I meant to say exactly what JennRenee said.

You have to take care of yourself and pamper yourself FOR YOU. The more love you have inside of you, the more you can give to the world around you.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I have always been a slim person but if DH ever ever made a comment about me getting big I would be furious. I think I would come real close to smacking him. I mean please love goes way deeper than looks.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

x

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I am sorry Shamma- I do not agree. I do not think all men want what they see on TV...My Step Dad and Mom have the most amazing marriage.. she is a little overweight and hey, lets face it- life (and gravity- and a c-section with me before they made those nice little incisions) has taken it's toll- but they a stimulating marriage, the are friends, and they are partners.

On the other hand my Dad has a wife at home who is very fit and takes very good care of herself.. and ya know what- they have a terrible marriage.
No communication- no friends, nothing.. it's TERRIBLE.

Look- I'm a size 12- I'm OK- Not thin by ANY stretch of the imagination and I NEVER will be.. either is my mom (also a size 12)... I think it's ALL the other components that makes a marriage stick.. because 9 times out of 10 a man won't leave you for looks, but some emotional attachment he gets somewhere else.. It's about not ever being bitter, trying to work things out together.. not ever making the other feel like crap to get something you want...

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I do not think all men cheat, but I do believe that it can happen in relationships, when it does happen it is never just about sex, there is always some underlying reason why the man or the woman cheated. Lack of attention, lack or repect, boredom, being taken for granted, wants attention that they are not getting from their mate.

I think at the present time I believe in my husband and my marriage and I do not believe that Roger or I would cheat on each other. We have both agreed that if the time comes that it is not working anymore for either of us we will move on, but we will not play the other person for a fool or cheat on them.

We have both agreed with each other that it is the one thing that we can never forgive. I do not know what life hold down the road for us, at the present time, we try to keep ourselves up, keep the marriage from going bored, we try not to take each other for granted, we take time for ourselves. Nothing in life is guaranteed. All I can do is pray that God keeps us attracted to each other and always wanting only each other. I would not like for it to happen to us, but it has happened to others. All we can do is keep working at it and try to keep it new and fresh. We are always talking.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Women think men get caught up in looks. Stop and think about it. How many times have you seen a man cheat and when you see the mistress you almost faint b/c the wife looks way better.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I don't think Shamma meant thin like everyone should be thin, I think she maybe meant looking the way you did before marriage & staying that way to the best of your ability or close to it?

All women are beautiful, all shapes & sizes, but maybe what she means is how many let themselves go?

yes men do it too, they are no better!