UPDATED!!! SEE PAGE 10 QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Original post by shamma

Jul 23, 2003 09:55 AM

Since the Kobe incident and other prominent men in our society have been caught up in being unfaithful, my question is do you think all men cheat??? and do you think if given the right opportunity would a man cheat if he thinks it will not be found out??? Do you think more men than women cheat. What do you think makes men or women cheat.

DO YOU THINK YOUR MARRIAGE IS INFIDELITY PROOF AND IF YOU SAY YES, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THIS???

I will be back with my response, it is the discussion Roger and I have been having since the incident.

joeslauren Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:36 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

if anyone has anything to say about anyone - why not keep it clean and speak to that person directly thru FM? why expolit people on the boards about how you feel about them? just not right....

Misty Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:36 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

My hubby is bald as a bean and I LOVE IT!

shamma Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:36 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Crisco, yup that is so true, that is why I stated before, A woman will take more from a man and still stay with him, vs a man, he will leave in a heart beat or step out on the marriage.

swags1016 Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:37 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

T- Frankie said he doesn't consider cheating at 16, 17, 18 etc cheating. That is being a kid with hormones.

BTW-- This is what he said I do not necessarily agree and he just walked out the door for work so I can't ask him anything else

Ronnie&Theresa Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:37 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Christina......

I think you know about these qualities in the men you are marrying before saying I do....

I think these are issues that should be discussed..

I KNOW Ronnie and I hit each one!

Ronnie&Theresa Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:38 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I was 15- 22...........

EKE.........

Its all good............

kmcwed Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:39 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I am not taking sides at all in this. But I wanted to add that my DH has also heard his friends and the cops at work talking about their wives A LOT of them mention how their wives let themselves go after marriage. They also say the sex goes downhill fast after marriage.

Another thing they seem to say all the time is that they LOVE their kids, but can't stand their wives. It's scarey to hear it over and over again. You have to wonder WHY that is?

I always ask my DH what these guys look like themselves. I always ask him how much they help with the kids, how involved they are as a husband and father.

I remind him if the wife is running after kids all day, she's probably TIRED and bored, and resentful that she gets no help. Naturally, she's not going to look sexy, feel sexy or want to sleep with her husband.

All the husband can see is a tired, unattractive woman who let herself go and is frigid. All the woman sees is a selfish man who does nothing to help out. Not exactly the recipe for a great romance....

jennbaby Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:40 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Wow Christina good post!

shamma Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:41 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

That is why when some single women call men dogs, I say you heard him barking but you covered your ears, I agree with that Theresa. People cannot hide who they are, at least not for too long. I know when the relationship is new we overlook a lot, but once you have been with with person, you know who they are

jennbaby Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:42 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I have a friend who is getting married in September & he loves to cyber sex online. I think thats cheating too, he does not.

Crisco718 Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:42 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Mistey my hsuband is also bald and I love it!

R&T - some of these things do not show up until later in the marriage. I have heard of husbands who freak out after seeing their children born and then have issues with sex!!

The point I am making is that a lot of these things are excuses for people not to work hard at making their relationships work!!

shamma Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:43 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Karen, that is a factor as well. That is very selfish of a man like that who wants his wife to be all these things, but he does not do his part in helping out in the home etc.

Ronnie&Theresa Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:43 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Jen you should tell his wife.....

There is something that she isn't doing RIGHT if he is doing that and admitting that to you!

dgtlsunshine Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:44 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Karen you hit some points there.

Also not to change the subject but we as women that are married would you say the sex has gone down in your marriage?

Jordan Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:45 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

T - why is the wife doing something wrong? She has to maintain her beauty AND control how he spends his time? I don't buy it.

Kathy116 Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:45 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

All this talk reminds me of when I was a bartender!

I was considered the bartender with morals, meaning, I almost lost my job a few times because I would take customers aside (all men I might add), and ask them to think before they act.

There was one guy in particular who used to come in with his wife all the time, well she just had a baby and was at home. He was at the bar alone, just chillin', and his hairdresser was out with some girlfriends and was just relentless with this guy.

She was such a hoochie, grabbing him and his stuff, she just wouldn't stop. Well, he was getting ready to leave with her and I pulled him aside and didn't care if this chick heard me, but I said she looks diseased, you want to give your wife AIDS or herpes? I talked to him for about 10 minuets, and I never knew what happened,.

He probably went home with her anyways.

Just a story...sorry to stray from the question at hand.

Jordan Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:46 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

The point I am making is that a lot of these things are excuses for people not to work hard at making their relationships work!!

Excellent point, Christina!

Cira Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:46 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Wow ... what a long thread and I really tried to read the whole thing!

Swags ... I was going to mention that study too ... many many women cheat.

Okay ... I have to agree with Stef, Lauren, and Karen on this one. I can't say for sure that I have an infidelity proof marriage and I honestly don't think anyone else can for that matter, but we are all entitled to our own opinion, so I won't go further on that. Did you ladies ever watch the mind of a married man on HBO... ! Anyway, what I think I can say is that in my heart of hearts, I don't think either of us will cheat and I hope to God that we won't (and Misty, believe me I'd beat his ass too) but how can you really know for sure. Joeslauren is right ... the stats are not in our favor.

I think not every guy will cheat and there are some that will always cheat. I just hope that my guy is not one who will cheat. It doesn't mean I don't trust him, but I've been around a lot of guys who love their wives and still just do it.

T ... I like what you said too.

Kathy116 Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:46 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

The point, sorry I forgot...

No, really it was seeing how some of these barfly women just literally 'attack' a married man, they don't care, they just want what they want.

I saw a lot of scary stuff!

Sonicstef Posted: Jul 23, 2003 12:46 PM

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Misty: Im all for the beating his a$$ :D

What i tried to express in my post earlier is that all we can do is lay the foundation of trust - trust that we chose the right person, trust that we have the integrity to be true to what is right and wrong, trust that both partners put in 100% and trust that you are lucky enough that all of those things still keep you happily married for 50 years.

I think we are both saying the same things...im just saying that there is no way to say what life has in store for anyone down the road. We all hope what we do will keep us protected from bad thing in life - whether that be cheating or anything else (his or hers) but I dont think anyone can be 100% sure what is going to happen. All we can do is work on it.

Edited to add: I know two divorcing couples right now and its an eye opener for realizing that nothing is for sure.