Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

You need to find a happy medium re: staying in shape, taking care of yourself.

I'm a total type A, perfectionist...and if I feel I'm putting on a few pounds, I watch what I eat, seek out a nutritionist, have a trainer, etc,

FI says he's happier when I'm NOT doing all those things, because I'm not as fun. Does that make sense?

I get too involved sometimes in maintaining myself, and that could backfire because you can get too caught up in keeping yourself thin and pretty, and miss out on all the more important stuff.

I know what I want to say, but I'm not doing a very good job at it

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Tammy I only say what I mean

Maybe I should rephrase my statement, I am not saying if he met you big, he is going to want you to get slim, what I am saying is if he met you slim and you blow up b/c you gained a lot of weight just b/c of eating, I am sure he might still love you but he will miss the woman he fell in love with. This goes for both men and women.

We might not want to admit it, but in reality, we will try to lose weight quicker if our husbands says something to us vs. if your GF say it to you. This is the world we live in. Being fat or slim does not make for a better marriage. I am just stating how visual we are as human beings.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Good topic- I know both men and women who have cheated in their relationships and I think its a combination of bad relationship, lcak of love, boredom, lack of values. Some men are just purely sexual and probably cant help it - same with some women....you know those types.

I can say with certainty there are 3 men I know that have never and will never cheat on their spouses... Those are my father, my father in law and my husband. All have similar values and are honest, trustworthy, good men. While I am sure they think about other woemn occasionally (for example my husband is in love with J Lo!) they would never act on these impulses because the marriages are too strong and they have good value systems.

(edited to say: the women in these marriages me, my mom and his mom all make an effort on our appearances....clothes, makeup, and I for one work out 4 days a week- so it could be that too!)

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Neva, but you have heard tho' men who cheat say, she is not the woman I married, she just let herself go??? it might not be fair but it does happen. I think men are visual and I think a woman will stay with a fat man quicker that a man will stay with a woman who gained weight.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

x

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Tammy, if you and Craig are comfortable with how you are there is no need to expalin it here. Are you not comfortable???

I made my point. You have your opinion and I have mine and all that are stated here is that opinions. No need to delve in to something so minute. The topic is much bigger than size. That is all I am going to say. One should not have to defend their opinion. Its mine and all the explaining in the world is not going to change what I have seen and what I think

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

well said Shamma Momma True!

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

this is to what you said shamma regarding losing weight and keeping ourselves up. DH does not and has never like petite women(in the sense of size). Granted when we met I was 5'2' 140 and he loved the curves of my hips and my butt. Now I am alot mor ethen that and am trying to get back down to around that weight, I was most comfortable at it. Some men like more curves then others, I don't think they are all looking for a mini women.

Just like I don't like skimpy men. I want something to hug. A man needs to have substanace for me.

As regards to the cheating subject...dh does not have a history with LTR. I was the first serious relationship with him.

My experience I have never cheated, but have been cheated on 2 times by 2 different men in the same year, so when I met DH my trust in men was 0%! I do trust him now.

Do I ever think he will cheat, no. But then again I do not know what kind ofsituations will be in the furture with our relationship. I do believe it is a strong relationship.

I personaly would never cheat, but I do have a girlfriend that did it 2 times. Thats another story.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Women should wokout for themselves and keep themselves up for themselves. Not for their man, or anyone else. You can sense a confident woman when you see her, whether she is single or with someone, no matter her size. We find time to do other things in our lives, why not find it take care of #1.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

the topic i think in general is very sticky. when it comes to cheating, everyone gets insecure in one way or another. no one wants to ever think that with will happen to them. but reality is that it WILL happen to some of us one day. there are so many girls on this board... unfortunately those are the statistics. whether you are comfy or not in your relationship has no bearing. it's something none of us can be comfortable talking about! JMO.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Kathy I can see what you are saying but I think what you are doing you do for you..

In all my attempts to look and stay young I do it for myself.....
I like makeup and being sexy for ME...............

I think you really need to know who you are marrying...

I think Kobe cheated bc it was easy for him to do it.
I think alot of people in the limelight have it THROWN at them alot more then the reg.. Joes of our worlds.....

I feel if you are willing to throw all you built together down the tubes to sleep with someone else.
DO it.. and eventually it will backfire against you.......

I don't think that you need to keep your man happy 100% of the time. He is the one who needs to be happy.
YOur happiness only adds to it.


It is so easy to sleep with someone but to build a life and share your bed with someone is very different..
Share Bills.
Share Family problems
Share Sickness.
Share Love.
Share COOKING!
Its alot harder then just a poke!

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I think the whole point of a discussion is to discuss our opinions
shamma, not to start drama but you made it sound like all women have to look like tv according to the men in their lives, I and several others disagree
your comments also sounded like they were directed toward me so I replied b/c you did not say what I said correctly IMO

ETS: we are both comfortable
you implied he wasnt if I was different then wedding day and you made it sound like all men think this, but I guess it is just your opinion and that doesnt make it correct- your entiled as we are.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Ladies in my culture, women with curves are adored by our men, Jamaican men love their women with 'meat on them' its unfortunate tho that the rest of the world does not have that view. In America's eyes thin is the way to be. I will leave it at, whatever works for you and your husband is all that counts.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Theresa, I like your response.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

I do not think that all men cheat but I'm sure the percentage is increasing by the day.

I am so tired of hearing that it is the woman's fault when they do. I'm not saying you should let yourself go after marriage but if this is the reason or the main factor as to why your husband would cheat on you, than honestly, I don't think he is worth keeping anyway.

Marriage is about love, commitment, communication, friendship, morals and values. This is what should keep you together, not whether you wear lingerie to bed. I don't believe my husband would cheat on me but if he did...I would leave him in a second and I would not blame myself at all.

Adultry has become a man's big excuse and its sad when women blame women for men being weak and pathetic.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Tammy as you know, you and I cannot talk b/c you read more than is meant, talking to you or rather discussing with you at times is like pulling teeth so all I will say is, we agree to disagree, you read in to my post what you wanted. It was not meant to start drama, but since it was stated that you lost weight for the wedding, I built on that, but now you are running with it and putting words in my mouth. I will not discuss this any futher. The topic is not weight loss it is INFIDELITY!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOW BACK TO REGULARY SCHEDULED DISCUSSION.

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

x

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Really, back to the discussion of infidelity!

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

just had to add
It was in irishtracy's comment taking it from jenn

here it is...........................................from tracey

Not to start drama but Jenn I think your comment:

I see alot of women get too 'relaxed' after they get married. They gain weight, don't dress up anymore, don't take care of themselves in general because they feel, since they are married, they no longer need to do this.



no need to blame me---- infidelity is a broad topic that can lead to looks, etc... as it led jenn and others
ok, im done
the end

Re: QOTD INFIDELITY in MARRIAGES!!!

Tammy, I posted what I think is fact, SOME of the time, and what I hear from some men I know. Also from what i read and or see on TV.

We are not saying that men cheat because their wives gained or doesn't color her hair blonde anymore, or get her nails done or whatever, but sometimes that IS the cause! But if you gained after the wedding, and are happy with your look, great, if not, then lose it.
Do whats best for YOU