We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

We got a wedding gift from someone that will not be attending our wedding today. YAY!! Ok here's the drama. My mom called me and asked me how much was in the envelope. I said nothing. I was with FH and didn't want to say it in front of him because he gets mad when I tell my mom things about our finances and such. So my mom gets mad on the phone and hangs up on me. I just called her back and she is mad and doesn't understand why FH gets mad when she knows. I tried to explain that he doesn't feel we need to discuss our money issues with anyone. So, she guilt trips me and says, I am the one who has been watching out for you both and doing so much for this wedding yadda yadda. Am I wrong here?? Does she have a right to know what we get in every envelope we get??

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

I personally, don't think she has the right to know and i don't think you should feel obligated to tell her.
i think she may be having separation anxiety and could have trouble realizing that there are things that are going to be happening in your life that she's not involved in.....
BTW, my mom and dad are both that way!

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

Thank you, I know she is having severe seperation problems. I swear, sometimes I feel like my fiancee is marrying her and I.

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

jaime

you are not wrong... I think mom might be having a hard time seperating from you. poor thing.. this is unneeded stress! hang in there.. 22 days and counting!

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

You're not going to like my answer. She probably does neeed to know how much $ people are giving. I know it sounds crass, but it's an issue of when she has to give a gift to someone who gave one to you, she'll know what to do. When my husband's son was married, he gave us a list of who gave how much.

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

Bizzybridesmom, I totally understand that, I plan to give both my parents lists of what their family gave, however, this was not her family. This was one of FH's fathers friends.

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

I understand what you are saying - bizzybridemom - about wanting to know how much to reciprocate for a particular person. But I wouldn't necessarily give a list to my mom! I would just let her know if she wanted to know someone in particular for gift-giving purposes.

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

---

Posted by mrswask

I understand what you are saying - bizzybridemom - about wanting to know how much to reciprocate for a particular person. But I wouldn't necessarily give a list to my mom! I would just let her know if she wanted to know someone in particular for gift-giving purposes.

---

Ditto. (Not that my mother or dad would ask for such a thing.)

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

You are 100000% right on this!! My advice is to resolve this with your mom now, otherwise you might have more serious problems with her later on. You don't want this to affect your relationship with DH.

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

---

Posted by Boop2704

Bizzybridesmom, I totally understand that, I plan to give both my parents lists of what their family gave, however, this was not her family. This was one of FH's fathers friends.

---

In that case I would simply ask her to respect FH and your privacy. My mom would never ask, but I would have no problems telling.

My FH's family is very hush hush when it comes to money so I understand...

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

This might make you feel better about your mom's behavior...do you want to hear something totally crazy--when my Husband and I left for our honeymoon, we left all our envelopes in a bag with my parents. When we got back and got around to opening them, we realized that some of them had a tiny slit on the side and had already been opened! It was my dad! He was so curious to see how much his family gave he just couldn't control himself...how funny is that! I think it is kind of a big thing for parents as to how much their relatives give you for your wedding...its hard to explain...anyway, just thought that was hilarious! DH and I were on the floor laughing when my brother told us how my dad was like...come on...lets just open one

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

LOL

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

my FI's mom is the same way.. I understand when they want to know for gift giving reasons.. but shes just nosey and needed an excuse :) ( this wasnt for the wedding it was for baby's baptism btw)

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

no she does not have the right to know unless she is paying for the entire wedding and is expecting money back in return. FH is your future and you are not wrong for sticking by his side. Not to be mean but your mom needs to butt out when it comes to that particular subject.

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

---

Posted by Boop2704

Thank you, I know she is having severe seperation problems. I swear, sometimes I feel like my fiancee is marrying her and I.

---

He is! Remember you always marry your partners parents. It's not like are just going to go away.

At my engagement party, everyone expected a detailed discussion on who gave what. Oh well, I'm not that private about money to care anyway.

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

---

Posted by Boop2704

Bizzybridesmom, I totally understand that, I plan to give both my parents lists of what their family gave, however, this was not her family. This was one of FH's fathers friends.

---

OH! that makes a big differnce in my world. if my mom asked, I would about soemoen in her family I would tell her. SHe is not going
to judge or me rude if it was little, but she might be curious. I don' think I'd give a list though.

But yeah, if its someone she doesn't know I would probably tell her if I was shocked in either extreme, but not if FH didn't want me to.

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

We didn't discuss our gifts with anyone at all.

Re: We got a wedding gift in the mail today and of course there is some drama with it!

I can top that (I think)...my future mother in law keeps opening any engagement gifts that are being mailed to her house without us even present...then she'll call us to tell us how much we got from who....it's driving me crazy!!!