Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

My mother keeps bugging me about putting my FH's father and stepmother's names (along with my parents) in the wording of the invitation. I'm trying to find the proper etiquette on this, but haven't so far.

I say they shouldn't be mentioned because:
#1 they are in no way paying for any part of the wedding other than the rehearsal dinner

#2 FH's mom is deceased and he does NOT want his stepmother to in any way take his mother's place.

So, I'm not going to just put his dad's name on the invitation, or should I?

My mother is just being a pain about this because my sister's in-laws were very insulted that they weren't included in the wording of her wedding invitation (but they're very pushy and annoying like that).

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

How does your FH feel about having his stepmother's name on the invite? or even having his father's?

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

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Posted by Anniegrl

I say they shouldn't be mentioned because:
#1 they are in no way paying for any part of the wedding other than the rehearsal dinner

#2 FH's mom is deceased and he does NOT want his stepmother to in any way take his mother's place.

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For those two reasons, I wouldn't put FH's father OR his stepmother's name on the invitations. But the decision should really be between your FH and you...

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

I haven't asked him yet, but I'm SURE that he won't want his stepmom on the invite. And the invitation is supposed to be coming from my parents, so that's why they're so concerned about it being worded properly.
I wish I had a wedding etiquette book....

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

an option:

Mr. and Mrs. Brides Parents
request the honor of your presence
at their marriage of their daughter
Bride
to
Groom
son of
Mr. and Mrs. Grooms Parents

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

I think ettiquette-wise, it should be from whomever is throwing the wedding.

Another version would be to say: Together with their parents... - eliminating names altogether.

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

I would say, if he doesn't want the name on the invites, don't put them. He would know if they would be offended. I know a lot of people who are not putting the groom's parents on, especially if they are not hosting the wedding.

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

Usually the invite is worded with both sets of parents if both sets contribute finacially. Here are some options of how you can word it:
Mr and Mrs. John Doe (your parents)
& Mr. and Mrs. Mike Black (his)
cordially invite you to the wedding of their children
Your name comes first
& his name
Blah, blah, blah

or you could do:
Mr and Mrs. John Doe (your parents)
cordially invite you to the wedding of their daughter
Your name
to his name,
son of Mr. and Mrs. Mike Black

Just some suggestions.

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

But FH's mom is deceased and his father re-married. His stepmother is in NO WAY a mother to him. Not that they don't get along, but she is not his mother, so putting 'son of Mr. and Mrs. XXXX' would not work.

FH's stepmom is very smart about proper etiquette, so I was just hoping that somebody could tell me what was correct.

So far I've seen nothing (on any wedding etiquette websites) that says that the grooms parents/father/mother, whatever, be mentioned on the invitation. I would think it would only be if they requested it, or if they contibuted $$.

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

My FH parents will be on the invite, but they also contributed financially. My parents name will come first because #1 I'm their daughter and #2 they're paying for the bulk of it. I bet you could just go to the library and check in an etiquette book, or just stop by a Borders, they have tons of wedding books.

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

I guess I'll have to do that - if I can show my mom proof, then she'll get off my back!

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

etiquette says that whoever is helping financially witht he wedding should be mentioned on the invite.
i say talk to Fh and see what he thinks....he should be a part of this decision!

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

I would first talk to your FH about it. But probably you could just leave his family out of the invitation altogether.

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

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Posted by palebride

etiquette says that whoever is helping financially witht he wedding should be mentioned on the invite.
i say talk to Fh and see what he thinks....he should be a part of this decision!

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i agree... if your talking etiquette, then its the people paying that go on the invite...

otherwise another option to avoid names is
'Together with their parents'... although then your parents names arent on there...

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

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Posted by september2004

an option:

Mr. and Mrs. Brides Parents
request the honor of your presence
at their marriage of their daughter
Bride
to
Groom
son of
Mr. and Mrs. Grooms Parents

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You could absolutely do it this way, and instead of just saying Mr. and Mrs. Last Name, you can do Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe for his parents' name, so that his mother's name is on there (Jane) and not his step-mother's, because, after all, he is the 'son of' his parents. I assume that they were married when she passed and not divorced, and she was still Mrs. at the time.

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

I was going to do Sep.2004's way, but I thought it sounded too wordy & more like an engagment announcement.
My parents agreed to the 'together with their parents' route & don't need to be mentioned, but I haven't gotten that far with FH's parents.


So even without the step parent complication, It is hard to work in the groom's parents.

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

I'm in a similar circumstance bc my FI's dad is past away and he doesnt really get along great with his Stepdad (and they have offered no type of assistance with the wedding either) so we decided to do something like this:

Mr & Mrs. (brides parents name)
request the honor of your presence at the wedding of the their daughter
(brides first and middle name)
to
(grooms first, middle and last name)
son of
(grooms moms name & the LAte(grooms deceased father's name)

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

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Posted by jannshari

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Posted by september2004

an option:

Mr. and Mrs. Brides Parents
request the honor of your presence
at their marriage of their daughter
Bride
to
Groom
son of
Mr. and Mrs. Grooms Parents

---

You could absolutely do it this way, and instead of just saying Mr. and Mrs. Last Name, you can do Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe for his parents' name, so that his mother's name is on there (Jane) and not his step-mother's, because, after all, he is the 'son of' his parents. I assume that they were married when she passed and not divorced, and she was still Mrs. at the time.

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good point. I didn't realize that when I responded, but yes, that is a good way to mention the mother.

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

My parents are divorced and both my mom and dad are remarried. I am lucky because I have a very good relationship with all of them For our invitations we are saying:

Together with their parents

Brides name
and
Grooms name

request the honor of your presence etc..


I was worried that my FIL's would be insulted that their name wasn't on it but they were okay with this. It would have been too long to put all 6 parent's names plus our names on it.

Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!

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Posted by Anniegrl

But FH's mom is deceased and his father re-married. His stepmother is in NO WAY a mother to him. Not that they don't get along, but she is not his mother, so putting 'son of Mr. and Mrs. XXXX' would not work.

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but if you do something like :

son of

Mr. and Mrs. First Name Dad and First Name Mom Last Name

then you are simply stating who the parents are/were of the groom, the first line referencing the brides parents indicates that they are the ones who are hosting the event.
the problem that i have is, is that traditionally the formal way of addressing couples is:

Mr. and Mrs. First Name Male Last Name

so the female loses her identity completely.

etiquette, shmetiquette, ultimately we are going to do whatever we feel most comfortable with, and what reflects both our personality to set the tone of the day. we are going to have all parents named on the invitation, but our parents names will go first as they are contributing the event. we wanted to do 'together with our parents' but my mother wants both sets mentioned by name, we need to iron out the details...

personally, i think mentioning the deceased is fine on the invitation as long as it is not worded as they are hosting the event...