Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

This is a strange story.. Its all still 'sinking in'.

I'll try to make it brief.

My brother is getting married this summer. We have a close friend of the family who is going to become a Priest. His ceremony (sorry dont know the name) to officially become a priest is in the Spring. He has been on and off with the schooling for a good 10-15 yrs. Even had a 'time off' period where he worked elsewhere, totally unrelated to the church.
Anyway, we havent grown up together really, but our moms know eachother very well, they grew up in the same town in Italy, both live in the same neighborhood here, you know the 'old paesan' situation. Where you respect eachother like family, just based on your connections to your roots. We've seen eachother on major occasions throughout our lives, but respect eachother like family.
Well my brother, out of respect, decided it would be an honor to ask him to marry them this summer. Both his family and my parents were touched by this gesture, and my brother and FSIL have been through precana and through talks with him to get things moving....
Well things wont be moving so far ahead anymore. Very recently, they had an 'interview' at his home, the two of them and him. The home that we visited them many a time as children...
First off, my brother thought it was really awkward, that he asked if they minded that he remove his white collar...almost as if to say 'this interview will be 'off the record'....'
Then to go on and proceed in the manner that he proceeded. He asked them completely
uncalled for graphic, private, intimate, rude, inappropriate questions about their relations, each question extremely sexual in nature, and not only that, but questions, 'advice' and stories he told that completely floored them. They did not divulage ANY information. My FSIL was traumatized and embarassed beyond belief. He even told her he would give her more 'information' on 'something' at her interview... My brother is disgusted, in a state of shock, angry and they are at a crossroads about what action to take next....
Is this story unbelievable???
I know VERY little about details, and I wouldnt post them anyway, but my brother didnt tell me much, because my older brothers grew up with this respect for their 'little sisters' where theyve NEVER spoken of certain things with us, so it was hard to just break that when he told me a few of the details on the phone. He tried to make it 'clean' but Ive heard more after that.....
To top this off, the 'Priest' requested that their next interview be at his church/convent, and that they be 'one on one', so my brother alone, and then my FSIL alone... (needless to say this will NOT happen).... They are telling him that they will not be using him, but they are still absorbing the weight of this situation, and what could become of this person, and what they could be saving by telling someone...

Any advice? Is this outrageous or what???
and quite sad

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

The word youre looking for was Ordained.

I personally feel no person of the clergy should be giving me advise on sex. PERIOD. Especially those of a religion that doesnt allow their celergy to practice it.

As my pastor said during our 'interview'

'I went to the same schools most of those other 'clergy' went to, there was never a class on sex or how to properly analyize a couple. I wasn't taught to be your mentor in sex or relationships. I was taugh to teach God's word. Those who say they have a right or knowledge to tell a couple how they should or shouldn't behave on their own private time within the realm of a wife and husband are pushing it slightly'

It's one of the MANY reasons we booked him on the spot. God knows I find it rude, crude and COMPLETELY unacceptable to have ANYONE (man of god or not) assume to tell me how to have sex and what would best suit or satisify my husband. I also strongly disagree with idea that they can somehow 'tell' if we are meant to be.

JMHO

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

I guess we all expect Priests to also be good, decent people and that is just not always the case. Perhaps he was mentored by a priest who also interviewed couples in an inappropriate way or perhaps he just isn't the same 'guy' you all grew up with. I honestly think vowing to never have any sexual relationship again changes many people, not always for the good.

Your brother should just say that after carefully thinking about the interview it is obvious that he is not the right person to marry them.

very sad...

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

Anna....

That is repulsive, disgusting and aggravating. I cannot believe this 'priest' did that....asked those private questions, and brought up sexual acts, encounters, and whatever he said. I would be totally in shock too, traumatized and embarrassed like your FSIL. But, who do they go to report this horrific behavior to? Is there somoene in charge of him? Is he even allowed to have these conversations and interviews not being a PRIEST?

Anna, I am so sorry for the frustration and embarassment it has caused in your family. Your brother sounds like great guy, protecting his sister that way, and I am sure his FW. THis story just makes me sick to my stomach. I cannot beleive that happend.

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

oh my god (no pun intended). i would be so mortified. although i would have to give it MUCH thought (if i was at all friendly w/ any priests in the church) i might feel the need to advise them of the situation.

however, since he is like 'family', i am sure your brother would not want to disrespect your mother. did your brother speak to your mother about the situation?

this is sooo unbeliveable scary. and to think that he is going to have direct contact w/ the alter boys and girls.

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

i have no idea what to say to that.....horrifying!

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

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Posted by palebride


i have no idea what to say to that.....horrifying!

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ummm.. that's pretty bad. I can't really find an excuse to get into such intimate details. I'm consider myself a die-hard supporter and defender of the Catholic Church (though I gotta start attending Mass.. but that's besides the point anyway. LOL) But I can't defend this.. just the same way I can't defend predator priests.

All I can say is.. find another priest. Please don't judge all by this one. There are many fine good men who are faithful to their vows and will do a good job speaking with you and preparing you for your very Special Day!

I wish you Good Luck!

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

YIKES!!!!

I can imagine the uncomfortable predicament your brother is in. He needs to bow out gracefully, but I'm not sure how he can do that without upsetting your parents and the 'priest's' family...

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

My brother plans to tell him just as it is. That they were asked inappropriate questions, and that they didnt feel comfortable, and that they plan to be married by someone else!
I think I would have made up a white lie on this one (came across my priest from childhood...)
My mom now knows what happened but knows less details than me, talk about 'keep it clean'. She is in shock as well, but she sees it as 'oh his poor mom, how would she react if his future was ruined'...
Its a weird situation...

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

eek that is so strange...and uncomfortable....but your bro and fsil have every right to change their minds for their wedding!!! their wedding should be everything they dreamed it to be....not with some weirdo.

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

wow I am speechless

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

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Posted by anna

My brother plans to tell him just as it is. That they were asked inappropriate questions, and that they didnt feel comfortable, and that they plan to be married by someone else!
I think I would have made up a white lie on this one (came across my priest from childhood...)
My mom now knows what happened but knows less details than me, talk about 'keep it clean'. She is in shock as well, but she sees it as 'oh his poor mom, how would she react if his future was ruined'...
Its a weird situation...

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i can understand why your mom would want to protect him, but the more i think about it, he really should be outted. his behavior (removing the collar and the inappropriate questions) was unacceptable.

i can only imagine...... on second thought, i'd rather not!

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Posted by shamma

wow I am speechless

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I am also!! I can not believe that he would do that. Maybe he is not ready to be a priest!!

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Posted by skew

but the more i think about it, he really should be outted. his behavior (removing the collar and the inappropriate questions) was unacceptable.

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I totally agree! My hubby is usually one that would say 'lets walk away from this' when something happens, but in this case, he said he would go right to this guys church and report him immediately...

I havent heard on what action my brother is taking yet....

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

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Posted by shamma

wow I am speechless

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Me too

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

First off, I'm sorry for your Brother and FSIL having to go through that. I wish them well in finding in another priest.

Everyone has said really good statements but there's one point that hasn't been mentioned - your Brother HAS to tell someone about his behavior. This is def. not a man I would want around me or my children. If he could act like this with people he's known all his life, I could only imagine how he would be with others.

His behavior has to be made public, unfortunately it will probably embarass his mother, but what if he does something even worse in the future??

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

Wow...

All I can say is taht your brother should definetly share this information with 'someone.' if he had the 'guts' to ask your brother and his FI these questions and they are adults...what does he have the potential to do with a child...

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

With all of the controversy the church is involved in right now, I would feel like I had an obligation to report his behavior in case something more damaging happened down the road. Who knows if this guy can be trusted 'counseling' single women, children, etc. if he's acting so inappropriately. Sounds like a closet pervert to me.

Holy cow!!

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

My brother is definately asking for advice from a local church... I guess its a touchy situation, but they are both angry enough to let this BIG CAT out of the bag
and maybe he wont be ordained after all

Re: Awkward Situation with a 'Priest'...

It's so hard because it's a 'family friend', etc. and no one wants to blow someone else's career out of the water but in his field, there are too many opportunities for not good things to happen.

Best of Luck Anna to your brother!