Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

My FI and I are at an impass and put our argument on hold until our Interfaith Precanna in May. But I'm hoping some of you can offer suggestions/thoughts.

I'm Jewish and FI is Catholic. We're trying to incorporate both faiths into the cermony (having both a rabbi and priest, lighting the unity candle, stepping on the glass). My only request (please no one take offense this, it is just my opinion) is that the name Jesus isn't mentioned during the ceremony. Personally I just feel that it's not appropriate for a part Jewish wedding and I know that my family (parents especially) will be offended. We had already decided, or so I thought, that the cermony will be about G-d in general and love. But when I mentioned that I want a little Hebrew, even if it's only one or two sentences, FI freaked.

He says that it should be equal so if I'm having Hebrew then the priest should be allowed to mention Jesus. His reasoning is that Hebrew is the one thing that would make the cermony seem Jewish so the priest should be able to say Jesus' name to even things out.

But it's not the same thing! Hebrew is just a language that is spoken (by Catholics too in Israel I might add) and does not define a Jewish person. Jesus on the other hand is something that you believe in and does define you as Catholic so it's not the same.

FI thinks that I'm trying to deny his religion, but that's rediculous. And he thinks that if Jesus' name isn't said then the cermony might as well be totally Jewish. But just the fact that the priest will be there is good enough in my opinion, why does a name have to be said to prove that FI is Catholic?

I've run out of response and can't argue about this anymore. Basically it seems like the only way for this to end is if the whole ceremony is in English. Any comments? Thanks for listening.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

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Posted by jrl0223

Jesus on the other hand is something that you believe in and does define you as Catholic so it's not the same.

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I don't think that's entirely correct.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

I'm in the same situation (I'm Jewish/FH is Catholic).

After reading your post I honestly do not think its fair to have Hebrew prayers and not have anything related to a catholic ceremony, even if it mentions the word Jesus.

It's really not that bad, and come to think of it Jesus was a jew... It's an interfaith wedding and it should have the joys of both religions, words and all. How can you have one and not the other?? What happens if it was the other way around, and he said you cant have hebrew prayers.. I bet you would be upset as well.

Your wedding goes by so fast you shouldnt let a silly thing like this worry you, you should enjoy the day!! and honestly, what matters most is that your marrying the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

I think he's wrong. you don't have to mention Jesus for it to be Catholic.

I'm Protestant, I know its not the same thing as being Catholic, but I've already told our family that Jesus will not be mentioned. We can have readings from the Old and New Testament, but nothing referring to Jesus.

I have my own issues that i won't bring into this... but thats a decision we made. This is a wedding, not a church service. Jesus does not have to be a part of it.

ETA- we're not having Hebrew either... (i just remembered)

JMO!

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

I'm the opposite - I'm Catholic, FH is Jewish. We've had the Hebrew fight a few times already. To be honest, I am not at all comfortable with having Hebrew spoken at my ceremony. While I can understand your issue with using Jesus, you have to understand that he has the same Hebrew issue. I'd suggest to cut both out and just proceed with a very general ceremony - it's only fair.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

I understand where you are coming from but our situation is the opposite - he is Jewish and I am Catholic. You have to listen/look at what you just said

'Personally I just feel that it's not appropriate for a part Jewish wedding'

I thought you were having an interfaith wedding and not a Jewish wedding. You worry about your side being offended, did you ever consider his side being offended if you do not 'allow' the word Jesus to be spoken?

If you elect to have an 'interfaith' wedding then I think it is unfair not to allow the name Jesus to be spoken although you want Hebrew spoken. Interfaith is representing BOTH religions. A priest and a rabbi present signify a religious ceremony. If you do not want both represented then you are better off having a non-religious ceremony. It is a tough situation, I hope this post doesn't come across as harsh. I know its a tough situation but what you are asking of him just doesn't seem fair and I would be extremely insulted if my FH requested what you are requesting of him.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

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Posted by CIMINOK

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Posted by jrl0223

Jesus on the other hand is something that you believe in and does define you as Catholic so it's not the same.

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I don't think that's entirely correct.

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I agree with CIMINOK.

IMO, if you are truly looking to integrate both faiths you should not alter or eliminate words or phrases that would ordinarily be said. I think by not using Jesus you would be disrepecting your FI's faith and he should respect your faith and include the Hebrew. Interfaith ceremonies are beautiful I think.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

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I agree with CIMINOK.

IMO, if you are truly looking to integrate both faiths you should not alter or eliminate words or phrases that would ordinarily be said. I think by not using Jesus you would be disrepecting your FI's faith and he should respect your faith and include the Hebrew. Interfaith ceremonies are beautiful I think.

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This is a really good point. Interfaith is both so you can't decide that while it's ok to have more Jewish religious traditions but not ok to have Catholic ones. Maybe you guys should consider a non-denominational ceremony (no faiths, just spirituality, which would mean no Hebrew, no Jesus, etc.).

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

i don't get it though. It can still be interfaith without mentioning Jesus. Jesus only takes up a quarter (or 1/3) of the bible.

I guess its easy for me to say since i really don't have a strong belief in a lot of what the church teaches.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

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Posted by tracyg

i don't get it though. It can still be interfaith without mentioning Jesus. Jesus only takes up a quarter (or 1/3) of the bible.

I guess its easy for me to say since i really don't have a strong belief in a lot of what the church teaches.

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Yes, I don't think anyone (at lease I'm not) arguing that you have to include 'Jesus' for it to be an interfaith ceremony - but it still doesn't make it right for her to not allow it from being spoken, especially if her FH wants it.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

I agree with everyone else. Either agree to have some hebrew, and some 'Jesus', or dash both. You can't call it interfaith, and prohibit what's a strong part of his faith from being mentioned. You are being selfish, and only thinking about your own needs.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

I'm sorry but IMO you are being unfair to your FH.


If having Hebrew spoken in the ceremony makes your FH as uncomfortable as having Jesus mentioned makes you then you either have to leave BOTH aspects in or take them BOTH out.


ETS: It's about tolerance.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

Um, thank you for your HONEST responses...seriously though, I appreciate it. I was so sure that it's not the same thing, I guess I'm the wrong one here.

FI is going to be happy. But I can so see him saying that I dont listen to him but I would listen to everyone else

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

FI and I are an interfaith couple as well. I am Catholic and my FI is Jewish. I do not see anything wrong with using some Hebrew and not using Jesus. We are doing our vows in Hebrew and in English. I think it shows the bringing together of both faiths. Not using Jesus, to me, is not a big deal. Your marriage is about G-d and love. Hebrew is a language not a belief. Using Jesus is using something the Jewish faith does not believe in, so I do not think it is appropriate to use in a ceremony where you are supposed to be celebrating both of your faiths. I agree with you 100%. JMHO. Good luck.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

I just read through the other ladies/guys responses and wanted to add something. Jesus is not something that the Jewish faith believes in, so I do not feel that you should include that just because you want some Hebrew. The prayers that are said in Hebrew could then immediately be said in English, maybe this would help.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

I agree with you 100% as well, but I'm not interfaith.

Hebrew is JUST another language, not an integral part of the religion. If he wanted something in French (or insert random language here), you wouldn't object. Besides, the Old Testament was originally written in Hebrew. You can have a reading (non-sectarian) from the New Testament read in the original Greek too, if that would make him feel better.

There is nothing that is said in Hebrew that could contradict with his religion. There is a LOT from his side that contradicts with yours.

G-d is G-d is G-d. It's a generic term that works with every religion that believes in a G-d. When you get into Specifics, that's when you start moving into iffy territory.

Interfaith Weddings are so difficult, especially when there are Jews involved, I don't envy you this task.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

i'm 'catholic' and fh is jewish. we are having an interfaith couple, who are both jewish but one converted (i think). anyway, i prefer that jesus is not said...i don't mind god or higher power, but i wasn't really raised with 'jesus'...anyway, we are having hewbrew prayers translated with english, too, some irish prayers, some native american prayers and some poems. i don't want an overly religious ceremony. ifeel more comfortable with spirituality than religion.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

I have to agree with the girls when they say that I think your FH is right.

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

Well, iguess for it to be exactly even, if Hebrew is spoken, then Latin should be spoken, but no one really does that in Catholic Masses anymore.
I think it depnds on teh contect that Jesus is mentioned in.

Isn't the Jewish belief that Jesus was a prophet, just not the Messiah.
So, its not like He can't be spoken of at all.
And if its in a blessing sense, wouldn't you
who your fiance considers the Messiah to bless your marriage?
I think both should be done, yo encopraorate both Faiths otherwise you may as well have a civil ceremony.



(Edited because keyboard froze-mid sentance)

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

Nope, that's the Muslim belief about Jesus.

We think he was a nice guy who said some good things, and died in very unfortunate circumstances.

I completely understand her reasoning.