Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

Okay... so as some of you know, I just found out yesterday that one of my BMs is pregnant. She will be around 7 mos by the time of my wedding. Let me first say she's my cousin and I love her very much but.... here goes:

When I got engaged, her first words to me were 'oh... I was sure it was going to be ME before you!' Um... I was unaware it was a race.... especially since I am the oldest of our circle of friends. I 'should' be first. Anyway, since then I have felt a teeny bit of tension with her. I really felt that she would try 'steal the thunder' or whatever.

Sure enough... a few months after I announced the fact that I had moved up my wedding from 2004 to 2005 she announced that she was going to start trying to get prego with her live-in BF (who was supposedly going to propose any day now & btw still hasn't). Well no one responded well to that considering the fact that she wasn't married or even engaged. So she claimed to reconsider and wait for the ring instead.

Anyway, here we are 6 mos later and she's pregnant anyway. Now, I'm not saying she did this intentionally just get married before me or steal my thunder or anything but it certainly doesn't help her case. Whatever.

The problem is this.... she did tell me that she will most likely tie the knot before the baby is born. My wedding is 6 mos away... when and how exactly does she plan to do this without it affecting my wedding? She claims she's just going to go to the JOP or whatever but she also claimed she wasn't trying to get PG. I'm also concerned about her mom because she's the type to throw a huge gaudy bash a month before my wedding just to upstage me (ie - my mom, her sister).

Should I say something to her? Is there anything I even can say to her? Believe me, I'm fully ready to blow this whole thing off and not even sweat it. I know how petty and sordid this kind of stuff can sound so I am fully prepared to be the bigger person here... I just feel the instinct to protect all my hard work in planning my wedding. And, if there is a chance that she'll wait or do something smaller I feel I should act on it to save myself some frustration later on. I mean, my wedding is less than 6 months away....

So.... should I say something? What can I say??

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

I don't think there's anything you can say.

IMO, anything that she throws together just to be married first will pale in comparison to the wedding you have already been planning for months.

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

Girl, I can totally feel for you on this one. Im in a similar case and it bothers me, but hear me out. Say what you dread does come true. Your cousin is going to get married and your aunt thows her a big party. So what? Let her. There can be no comparison what so ever with a cheesy party and the grand affair you plan to have at the sandcastle. Plus she will probably want to do it very soon so she doesnt show too much in her dress. I seriously wouldnt worry about it, because if you say something to her, she'll know she's getting under your skin (which is what she wants to do). If she sees your not bothered by it, it will annoy her that she cant get the best of you. Just know that no matter what this girl does, she cant upstage you!!

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

I can feel for you. Unfortunately, I don't know what you can say that will have any impact one way or the other. She's obvioulsy going to do what she's going to do. I wouldn't worry about whatever wedding she may throw together, but I certainly wouldn't help her out. Sorry if that sounds mean, but that's just how I feel. My FSIL sounds similar to your cousin. She and FBIL got engaged 6 months after FH and I and tried to get married before us. Now they've decided to wait until next year, but they've always said they were going to have a small wedding and now they're having a big one. And low and behold, she wants it at a place I really liked but was too expensive. I guess we all have these people in our lives. It's nice to know we're not alone.

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

There's nothing you can do.. your wedding will be fab, don't worry.. plus- everyone's going to know she's just getting married b/c of the pregnancy- so she'll have enough snickering at her wedding- whever it is.

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

I don't think you really can say much. I think you need to wait and see what transpires. Your wedding will be wonderful and will not be overshadowed by her being pg.

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

Thanks divabride & nferrandi! Its nice to know some people understand!

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

theres nothing you can do...but hey....what can she possibly put together in a few months that'll try to make your wedding look bad....??? NOTHING .... ur putting careful thought into all of the details, and ppl will know you're getting married bc ur in love, no bc you've got a peanut in ur belly and thats the only way there was a proposal....don't worry about it!!
cheer up!

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

I wouldn't say anything. My sister is going to be 6 mos prego at my wedding and i know it was done intentionally to steal my thunder. It happens, people suck but everyone knows what their up to, believe me. Don't worry about it. Just enjoy your day and then everyone will talk about how mature u acted and how petty she is.

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

First of all I am so sorry this is going on.
Try to be the bigger person and not let it get to you. You have enough going on in your life with all of the planning, that you dont need to deal with any drama caused by a family member.
If you feel that she did this intentionally, chances are so will all of your other family members.

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

So what if your cousin has a big party.
Yours will be beautiful because it's yours.
Try not to stress out about this (I know it's hard).

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

Jimmysbride, you have a VERY long FM

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

Here’s how I see it..

You don’t say anything ever!

When you let this all roll off your back not only will she feel like the schmuck for all this but you will be able to enjoy your wedding and hers without all the animosity.
Chalk it up to the fact that she feels like she has to compete with you because you are so wonderful.

I've made this mistake with my sister and my cousin a few times getting to upset and bothered because as soon as my light shined a little brighter they would blow it out.

I learned to not hold this against people. I just feel bad for them that they have to live like that to make themselves feel better.

'Kill em' with kindness' that’s the trick!
You always feel great and they feel like crap for being mean.

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

You should focus on your special day and let her do whatever she wants. No need to waste your energy on her immaturity.

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

I dont' think there's really anything you can say because you can't prove she did all this on purpose.

If you think it will stress you out that much maybe you should tell her that for the sake of her being pregnant you think it's better she is not a BM anymore.

Otherwise maybe have your mom ask her mom not to plan something big before your wedding. Offer to help if she'll do it after yours.

Good luck

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

i wouldn't say anything, what good can come of it? if anything, it will only aggravate the situation more...

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

As many have said already, a wedding thrown together in a few months, ESPECIALLY with a pregnant bride will not outshine your well planned wedding. She doesn't realize it but she doesn't have the ability to steal your thunder - she would have had to get engaged before she got pregnant to even get close. I'm sure your whole family knows you're getting married already so any announcement she makes w/in the next 3 months will only be painfully obvious to everyone that its a shotgun wedding.

Don't say anything to her, it won't change anything and will probably give her some satisfaction that she's getting to you.

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

I think this happens in every family. My sister had gotten engaged and set her date, my cousin got engaged soon after and planned a wedding for right before....my sister was upset. I was like 'Whatever, you planned your weddin to be fabulous..they can't take that away from you' No matter what she does, there's no way that cna take ANYTHING away from all of the hard work and planning you've put into your wedding, which will be totally fabulous! I mean, like someone else said, what's the worst that cna happen? They throw a big party? Okay...and? It doens't make your wedding any less beautiful. There's no way it could. So just keep going and wait for your perfect, beautiful day that NO ONE can take away from you.

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

Just be happy for her. She's bringing a baby into this world. Good for her! I don't think that having a pregnant BM is the end of the world...my sister will be 8 months at my wedding and I couldn't be more ecstatic. Pregnant women are beautiful.
And it's great that she wants to get married before the baby is born!!! Regardless if she has a huge, lavish wedding or marries at city hall, please try to support her. I'm SURE she's not trying to steal your thunder by getting pregnant and getting married. If she were, that would be a pretty extreme way to outshine someone.
Count your blessings, please. And don't let someone else's life-changing decisions ruin your wedding.

Re: Really touchy subject... should I say something? (sorry long)

Honestly - i think it would be out of line to say something to her. What would you say anyway? If she wants to get married now - then she has the right to do so. If she wants a big party - she should have one. I sense that you have a block on the few months surrounding your wedding and don't want anyone else to have attention. You get your day but your cousin is entitled to hers as well - regardless of who is older, who planned first or who is trying to get the most attention. If she did this for attention or to upstage you - you should feel sorry for her because no matter what she does now - it will never really be the way she wants it anyway.

I guess I have always been outgoing but never comfortable with people paying lots of attention to me or doing too much for me. I never felt the wedding was MY day. I think it's actually ridiculous when people say this. It is a day of celebration and the bride and groom are the center of attention but they don't dictate everyone's behavior that day or the weeks surrounding it.
I'm sure there are other issues that were too long to go into on here so I wish you luck with your cousin. I don't think she is going to take anything away from your wedding regardless of what she does.